If your partner says 'punching above my weight' or 'out of my league'

[Ohidontknowblahblah]

Just curious to know how it makes you feel, do you agree with the statement and what do you think it says about them. Or if other people have said it to you.

My husband says this about me and when we're at the gym together he thinks people are probably thinking "what's she doing with him", (which I said was silly). I think we're equal looks wise and he has teeth missing due to an accident and he has the most beautiful eyes, but I fell for his beautiful personality and how gentle & kind he is. I always tell him how attractive I think he is but he's so embarrassed about his teeth. I big him up all the time.

I don’t really feel anything much about it. I suppose I take it as a compliment, but it’s just really a fact of life that I feel very little about. He’s not any more or less likely to have an affair because I’m more attractive than him, he doesn’t love me any more or less, he doesn’t treat me any better or worse. It’s really just meaningless. And from the other way, his objective conventional attractiveness means nothing to me and doesn’t affect how I feel about him - he dresses normally and is hygienic, those are the only physical things that really make a difference to my attraction to someone aesthetically.

I’m aware it sounds like I’m describing him like some sort of ogre, I think he’s really quite handsome but it’s just that he’s a classic sort of nerdy type and people often remark that they wouldn’t think I’d be with him.

Oh also we don’t get comments from people we know anymore since he started earning decent money - he didn’t when we first met. Now when people meet us for the first time, we often get “ah okay now it makes sense” remarks when they find out what he does. I suppose I should probably be offended by that, but I don’t really care.

My partner tell me I’m beautiful and how much he loves me all the time but I wouldn’t like him to say he’s punching… I’m not better than him in any way and that feels like him running himself down which isn’t an attractive trait (to me).

It has occasionally been said to him by his friends but always in front of me so I’m pretty sure it’s just a blokey way of giving a compliment rather than actually true!

This is the sort of thing men say to each other as a compliment as a lot of them are focussed on looks. Never would a woman say this to another woman, it would be massively insulting to say they are ‘punching’. Personally, I wouldn’t like it either way as it demeans a relationship.

I think if people we know were honest they would probably say the same about us as a couple. I think compatibilty and trust is way more important. I love him loads.

My dh doesn’t say this but his friends often tell him he’s punching with me. He just laughs and says “no…she should be really lucky to have me”. He’s half joking but also half serious, and I love the fact he rates himself and sees himself as a catch…because he is.

why the snark?

Unless he says it in a downtrodden insecure way, I’d just take it as a compliment. If you didn’t think he was good enough you wouldn’t be with him surely so wouldn’t take it too seriously.
I think most couples balance out one way or another. Though I don’t mind my partner being reminded that I’m an absolute catch!

Same with me and DP, his friends say he's punching - he's confident enough to say I'm lucky too!

Those kinds of phrases are judgemental, insulting and shallow. No time for people who say these things.

It was more light hearted to be honest but understand how it would come across that way. I wasn't really understanding the post as I'd not said "my husband thinks I'm amazing" but I think they were commenting in general terms, looking back. And then commenting as if they'd not read the post. Didn't mean to cause offence.

I think my wife is way better based on looks and loads of people say it but I actually take it as a compliment, mates would always joke how did I manage pull my wife but I don’t get offended by it. Not that I think I’m ugly but she’s just stunning and turns heads.
I know I offer my wife way more than looks so I’m comfortable with it.

My ex husband used to say stuff like that all the time. He'd constantly put me on a pedestal and say things like "you are a princess and I don't deserve you", "you're way out of my league", "don't even know why you're with a troll like me". And comment that other people probably wondered why we were together. He was perfectly normal looking, and I am no oil painting myself.

It really got to me and after a while I started thinking, "well okay then maybe you're right". There was a lot of other stuff going on, for sure, but I did start questioning why I was with this man who constantly seemed to put himself down and suck the joy out of life.

My new partner and I often say to each other things like "I feel so lucky we found each other" or "I'm so happy we're together, you're perfect for me" which just feels much more balanced, and is nice because we're acknowledging our happiness and delight in finding each other (something that can seem impossible when wading through the bloody dating apps) without putting ourselves down at the same time.

Normally when I hear someone say this about their partners I tell them to go specsavers. I don’t see what you see!

Does he say it in a lighthearted and cheery way? Or a miserable one?

I'd worry for him that he feels insecure, but then he might have been brought up to hide his emotions. Just tell him you love him and that looks aren't what matters anyway. One day soon, one or both of you will lose your looks, and it's what the relationship is built on that matters. ONS aside, looks alone mean nothing.
And actually, even in a short-term relationship, how long could anyone stand being with someone gorgeous, but who had a horrible personality?

I was always uncomfortable with those statements. Objectively I was more intelligent and physically attractive but trapped in an abusive relationship. They assumed he must be rich or the worlds best lover (which he wasn’t on both counts). I thought people would judge me as weak if they knew the truth. It’s hard to leave an abuser.

Definitely light hearted and cheery.

I've heard it plenty of times but I know my husband is the better looking one. I just laugh when people say it because i'm pretty sure most people feel duty bound to say it whether they think that or not. Just a common courtesy, I wouldn't hang any weight on it. More importantly, I couldn't care less who other people think are attractive in my relationship. We both think we got the better deal and thats more important

My husband tells me I'm beautiful, which is obviously very nice to hear. I wouldn't like it so much if he was sort of putting himself down to do it - it seems less sincere perhaps and it makes it hard to take the compliment!

I can’t say I’ve ever had these thoughts. I couldn’t care less what other people think. Too much stuff to get on with. I go with actual action, if he didn’t like me and visa versa he\I wouldn’t be here. Anyone can say any old rubbish and mean it or not mean it.

Then it's nothing to worry about. If he was being miserable and whiny about it, that would be a concern and would suggest he was fishing for compliments and a bit insecure and sorry for himself, but if he's being lighthearted and cheerful about it, he's really just complimenting you and telling you he feels lucky to have you.

Of course! All the men ive been out with have been punching! 😜

So what I’m hearing is that you understood me perfectly well the first time, then?

How strange that you felt the need to imply you couldn’t understand perfectly ordinary English. 😂

This is a really strange post. Your husband is just paying you a compliment using very well-known and often-used terms. There's nothing insulting about saying "I'm punching" or lightheartedly telling a good friend they're punching - I don't think I've ever heard it used in an unfriendly or insulting way.