If your partner says 'punching above my weight' or 'out of my league'

[Ohidontknowblahblah]

Just curious to know how it makes you feel, do you agree with the statement and what do you think it says about them. Or if other people have said it to you.

My husband says this about me and when we're at the gym together he thinks people are probably thinking "what's she doing with him", (which I said was silly). I think we're equal looks wise and he has teeth missing due to an accident and he has the most beautiful eyes, but I fell for his beautiful personality and how gentle & kind he is. I always tell him how attractive I think he is but he's so embarrassed about his teeth. I big him up all the time.

What is this post?

‘My husband thinks I’m amazing’ well yeah I would hope so? He is with you for a reason, presumably you think he is great too.

Has he considered fixing his teeth so that he can feel more confident in himself?

@Boreded Pardon, do you want to reply in English? 😂

He has and the next thing is implants which he can't afford.

Well obviously missing teeth isn't great from a looks perspective.

If he can’t afford/have implants why doesn’t he wear dentures? Missing or dirty teeth are one of the most unattractive things, regardless of how everything else looks.

I had two implants. Had to save up for over a year but they were worth every penny. Missing teeth can really affect someone’s confidence- my gap wasn’t even visible but I was self-conscious about it nonetheless.

But no, my husband has never said I am ‘out of his league’ and I have not said it about him. We both have fairly robust self-esteem, and we don’t ruminate on what we look like. We are well-suited.

I’d find it a real turn off. Insecurity is not attractive to me.

I say it about my husband because whilst I bring a lot to the table, I really do think he's mostly great.

Which part of my reply did you struggle to understand? Maybe I can simplify it?

You asked what people thought about their partners saying they were punching above their weight. My point was that it’s hardly surprising your husband thinks you’re attractive. Presumably you think the same about him.

And I asked about his teeth because you specifically mentioned that they affect his confidence. It was a perfectly reasonable question.

I hear this quite often from both H and other people, including his work colleagues. I'm not bragging because I rate myself as 5 out of 10, but H is 16 years older than me, very short for a man and bald, so people just assume we look odd together. My mums friends said that I should be with somebody tall and muscly because of how I look. It's extremely hurtful and makes me angry, because i think he looks great, and looks aren't important in the grand scheme of things. Just keep complimenting your husband OP, men don't seem to get compliments as much as women, but it's important to remember they need to hear it too. You sound like you love him very much, ignore the negativity.

It's not something I'd find attractive in a grown up man.

Your first paragraph - I've already said in my post.

Second - I've answered perfectly reasonably.

it’s nice he thinks he’s punching but you dont want him being depressed or something coz in his head hes thinking youll leave him as hes so ugly. even though it’s nonsense.

why hasn’t he got a plate or replacements for his missing teeth? that would surely be the first thing he could do to make himself feel more attractive?

Thank you for the lovely reply. It's not something that comes up a lot, just a few times when we've been on the subject. And good for you, so many people are so materialistic aren't they.

As I said upthread, the next thing is implants which cost thousands. He's had plates etc and can't tolerate them.

I have missing teeth and can’t afford to replace them at the moment as I need quite a few. I also don’t tolerate a plate.

Has he looked into clip on veneers? Not the cheap eBay ones - there’s actually companies that do them much cheaper than replacing them. I’m not sure how they work long term, but they state you can eat with them in. Might help until be can afford something more permanent?

Yes my dh says all the time he’s punching! He tells me when he shows colleague ls or friends a photo of us they say the same. I’ve also seen comments on his Facebook from people.

Not those phrases but DH will say he got lucky with me or can’t believe his luck. We’ve been together forever and it’s based more on the fact I’m successful rather than beautiful these days - too old for that now.

If he genuinely meant he was undeserving of me then it’d be a massive turnoff, but he’s a good looking man and can hold his own. I don’t pay it much attention.

I've not heard of those, thank you. Is this something you're considering? Is it like a row of teeth that fit over your existing ones?

I think in a really good relationship, both people should feel like they're punching above their weight a bit.

For most people, the real version of themselves is different to the version that they show others.

I have flaws. I'm naturally lazy, I can be uncharitable towards other people I think are stupider than me. I have a beer belly. I occasionally pick my nose.

These are things I don't want DP to see. So I clean the toilets even though I can't be arsed. I don't say I think someone's a fucking idiot even if I think it. I suck my stomach in when DP is in the room and I'm naked. And I take myself off to the loo to pick my nose.

I see the real me, whereas DP sees a slightly idealised version of me. Equally, I don't see the version of DP that's bored senseless about me talking about Lego, or picks at her feet, or who hates homeless people (these are all hypothetical, as we're talking about flaws I'm not aware of. As far as I know DP does not hate homeless people)

So she sees the real her, and I see an idealised version. We're both presenting a version of ourselves to each other than the person we deep down know we are, so we both feel like we're "punching" a bit, and we're both trying to be a better person for our partner, even after 20 years.

To me, that seems like a good thing.

I know what men are like, but it's mean to say to a friend "you're punching" don't you think?

Love this.

Yeah it's not a massive thing really, he's just brought it up a few times over the years. I think he's good looking anyway.

How does that make you feel?

The closest we get to saying anything like this is 'lucky to have you' to one another.

It would irritate me, even occasionally (so I couldn't be with someone who said it). Our relationship and how we feel about one another is our business. I think it would sound insincere, it puts too much emphasis on my appearance (suggesting he's with me for that mostly), it asks for 'oh, no! don't be silly, you're good looking, too' and lastly, and it's just unsophisticated.

For years my husband would say 'women don't find me attractive' to which i would respond 'I'm a woman'. He may not be classically handsome or everyone's 'cup of tea' but I think he is gorgeous and thats all the matters, he is learning that he doesn't need to be attractive to everyone as long as he is to me.