Second Date - he's suggested a very expensive restaurant

[HelenHywater]

On our first date, we also went out for dinner, and I suggested we split the bill. (I would always expect to pay half). He was surprised and said that no woman had ever suggested that before and he always paid. I insisted and we split it. Now he's suggested a restaurant for the second date which is way more than I'd usually pay - he has a higher paying job than I do. And also it's only a second date so not worth of £100 a head in my view! Is there a way I can respond which is asking him if he's paying or maybe I just say, I can't stretch to that can we go somewhere cheaper? What do you think?

Why don’t you just suggest somewhere more casual instead?

Can you say you don’t fancy the menu there/don’t really fancy going to somewhere that high end and suggest a couple of other places? Ask him to check the menus and offer to book

Just say that it’s not in your budget
He knows you pay for yourself, so that’s fine.

I would say something in a jokey way… “ Looks lovely Daddy Warbucks but it’s a bit bouji for me” or words to that effect. Hopefully he’ll confirm it’s his treat and you can relax otherwise find a cheaper alternative that still looks nice.

“Sounds really lovely… but we’d need to go somewhere more in my budget if I stick to my ‘go Dutch’ habit… up to you! Looking forward to meeting up “

I would be honest, not mess about being fussy about menu or seeming to object to his choice.

And accept if he says ‘my treat’

Yes /you need to establish at the start where you can and cannot afford to go.
If your financial circumstances are wildly different then there will be constant issues like this.
I one had s few dates with a really nice man /he ended it in the basis that I go skiing a lot etc and his finances are more stretched. Perfectly good reason to see why it world not work, and we are still friendly.

I would blatantly tell him that it reels a little intense to be going to a high end restaurant.

I'd be honest and say it's not in budget, making any other excuse would mean it just comes up again later.

"Looks like a nice place, but I could do with spending a bit less. Can we do something else?"

I would strongly advise NOT using the word "Daddy" to a man you are on a second date with even in this context!!

Yes we might be incompatible long term but it's the second date so I'm willing to see. Also I'm pretty well paid and could afford this, but just don't want to pay £100 for a meal that isn't a special occasion.

He does need to know asap that this kind of thing is outside your budget.

If it’s his treat do you think he expects sex as a thank you? Are you OK with that?

Say thats out of my price range at the moment and see what he says.

Be upfront. Say it's out of your price range and you would prefer to go somewhere cheaper. It will show him you are honest and show you if he listens ( or tries to steam roll you )

I don't think he expects sex in return. He seems very decent. But it's the second date so I don't know him at all yet.

Our second date DH took me to Angela hartnett’s restaurant at the Connaught. He paid…it was special. Maybe he’s trying to impress?

I think if you say that it's a little out of your price range, his reaction will be very informative in getting to know him (and him, you). Either he'll have listened to you and suggest somewhere else or ask for your suggestion (which is good) or he may say that he's happy to pay for the both of you (and then you get to decide if you're comfortable with that or not). Or he reacts in some other way that puts you off entirely.

I would just let him pay! If he didn’t expect you to split last time and has money then he shouldn’t be surprised 🙃

I would just say that the restaurant looks lovely but a little out of your budget this month.
Suggest somewhere else more reasonable and see how he responds.

Keep it honest, no hinting at him paying or playing games.

Just be honest and say ‘feels a little high end for a second date… could we go somewhere more casual?’

Bad advice.
Just split the bill until you know each other better.

Just say looks really nice but more for a special occasion. How about XYZ and offer some alternatives you’re happy with. Still maybe nicer than the first date place but not high end or fine dining.

How about you say that you fancy going to X this time and we go to expensive place next time? That gives you the opportunity to suss him out further and discuss what you choose to spend your money on prior to any 3rd date?

Wonder how old this guy is, I’m not sure how many men would get the daddy warbucks reference, in a dating scenario calling some on you barely know ‘daddy’ anything could be opening a Pandora’s box, although it could be a good way of finding out early if you’re sexually aligned

"Hi Joe, would absolutely love to see you but this place is a little over the top for a second date and would rather pick a more budget friendly", he'll probably say "hey I'll treat you" so there you are.

"It's not in my budget" still covers this because it means you don't want to spend the money on it, not that you can't.

I would personally go to the fancy restaurant (and split the bill) but then I like fancy restaurants and would enjoy the food even if the date was a damp squib. But more than fine to say "I'd prefer something a bit more casual for a second date" - then suggest one or two specific places - because even as a fancy restaurant fan, they wouldn't be my ideal choice for a second date.