man with kids vs without

[GoldenDeliciouss]

this is aimed at mums rather than those without kids so if you are a single mum do you prefer to date a man with kids or without? i also thought id prefer someone without but as ive got older and definitely dont want anymore im now thinking men with kids would be a better option as long as they are same age as mine or older (definitely wouldnt consider someone with young children) so single mums whats your preference when dating?

Your tone is unnecessary tbh

Guessing you wouldn't pay on a date then? 😀

I was alone with my first DC for a long time. I would never date a man with kids then - and wouldn’t if I were single again.

I’m not single but if I was I think I’d prefer to go for a man with children. I have two young children and unless the man could appreciate and understand the commitments and responsibilities that come with parenting I don’t think it would work out. And then there is the other issue of, if he is childless, but wanted children then that would be a hard no from me as I do not want anymore kids.

I think it's incredibly important before blending families to consider how this might impact the existing children.
For example, would it mean a child going from having their own bedroom to having to share? I would say that is pretty unfair tbh.

i wouldnt be moving any man in my house
so that wouldnt make a difference

I'm open to dating either as there are pros and cons.

Yes, another parent may understand the commitment and responsibilities of parenting, or they may not as they could have been rubbish.
Yes, a non parent may want kids, not be open to them, have been considered not responsible enough to have them, or they may have prioritised a career and it been too late, never found someone they thought they wanted to commit to kids with, they may be happy to be a step parent and not have biological kids.

Let's face it, I'm a single mum because the person I chose to father my kids didn't work out. Someone else may pick him because he has kids and seems to take responsibility and care about them. He was not like that before we split and he was a cheat who completely destroyed my self worth so it's all swings and roundabouts.

i’m not closed off to either it’s just preferences have changed and now someone with teens would be ideal as they’ve had kids and hopefully don’t want anymore! also teens are independent so no blending families or step parenting duties!

"really you need to judge them at face value ". That's the case with every single person you meet in life.

I’ve dated two men with children and both of them spoilt their kids, their kids literally had them wrapped around their fingers - think no boundaries and just letting them do and have what they want. One had a crazy ex who absolutely hated the fact that he moved on and made life very difficult for him because he was seeing me, and stopped him seeing the child.

I like to come first in the relationship, So for that reason, I would not date a man with a child again. I’m at the age where I could still have some more if they wanted some.

so you don’t have your own children or you do? as same would apply to a man not coming first for you?

@GoldenDeliciouss
Teens still need housing...

Not in mine. Already said I wouldn’t live with a man again 😅

I find this odd, I know a few divorced men with kids and their wives and rhe kids, each one is single due to a marriage breakdown not as they were shit dads.

What does take care of you mean, pay for you?

And I don’t think teens want
to tag along with their father to their partners house 😂 thats the beauty of having teens

but if you had children with the new childless man, you would no longer come first. you'd come after the children you shared.

the thing is, there's single men with kids like my sister's ex who no doubt spins the "I was so awesome, she's crazy, she's turned her child against me, I want to see her but it's so hard" who you might believe in the first flush of attraction (🤮🤮) but who is actually a shit Dad who CBA.
There really isn't an answer other than if you have kids, take it all slowly and make sure you know them thoroughly and how they actuLly parent their own kids if they have them before you let them near yours.

Personally I don’t think it matters if you both put your cards on the table to start with take it or leave it my partner had teenage children and I had teenage daughter my daughter didn’t want to be part of it but is fine with my partner and I get on with her children but never tried to be a step dad if they needed anything I’d help them but they always had contact with their father

You are absolutely right! Taking that into consideration then yeah I’d have to say “a guy with kids who actually parents them and is a present dad”

Well absolutely. It was always a red flag when dating when a guy said he had kids but didn't see them very much. No excuse!

It's hard to answer, since most men my age (late 50s) have children. I was wary of men who had no contact with theirs.

I raised my three children alone after their deadbeat dad left, and didn't date until they were adults and happy for me to. Men rarely wait or have their children full-time as I did, but I put my children first before dating.

My DP has two children, including a ten-year-old, and prioritises childcare. Since he has her during the holidays, that limits our time together. But he’s very present in her life, which makes him a good dad. If we break up, I wouldn't date another man with a young child. Still, he ticks many boxes: he has hair, shares my values, is tall, funny, solvent, and doesn't look like a fish holding an egg on a stick.

I could find a younger model, but I'm not after a cock lodger or casual hook-ups.

I’m a single parent to 3 secondary age kids. I don’t date men with kids - I just think what did you do? If they’re not 50/50 why not? I appreciate my own experiences massively bias this (DV survivor and have a no contact order for children’s safety) but that’s how I feel. I won’t ever live with a man again, even when my kids are grown and have left. I have fought so hard for this peace I won’t ever disrupt it again. And my kids don’t need a man in their lives! They don’t even know I date 😂 But it’s good for me, and keeping my personal life very separate works well for us.

is it not hard past a certain age finding men without kids?

there seem to be plenty of men who don’t have kids, or who don’t want kids from what I can see. I’m 41 and currently chatting with a guy the same age as me who has no children and doesn’t want them. We’ve been on a date and it went really well: his life is busy, my life is busy, and we’re both really happy to go at a nice slow pace and I’m enjoying getting to know him. I feel really validated that I can put what I want first, rather than conforming to what I think a man would want from me.

I’ve done so much therapy and so much work on myself, the bar is really high and I’m not lowering it for anybody. If they don’t meet it, I just won’t pursue it. So on that basis, I just don’t match with men with kids 🤷 there was one guy I was speaking to who turned out to be a dad, but hadn’t put that in his bio: it just didn’t go anywhere because I knew it wasn’t what I wanted.

so this works for me right now, but if you’re looking for a more traditional partnership then be upfront with them that that is what you’re looking for. How are you finding dating OP? Are you on apps, etc?