Grandma intervening all the time

[LunaMoon1986]

Just a Rant.
I am SO fed up with my little girl's nana constantly undermining me as her mum! 😤
Every time I tell my daughter NO, she runs straight to her nana, who thinks she should never be refused anything because she's only a little girl. 🙄
YES, she's a little girl, but she's also a child who needs boundaries! When Mummy says no, the answer is NO. Running to someone else shouldn't mean she gets her own way.
I'm her mum, and I'm trying to raise her properly, teach her respect and boundaries, and prepare her for the real world.
YOU CAN LOVE YOUR GRANDCHILD WITHOUT UNDERMINING THEIR MUM!
I'm so tired of feeling like I have to fight to parent my own child. Stop interfering, stop undermining me, and let me be her mum! 😤👏 I have tried telling my ex partner who is the father to our little girl to tell his mum to stop sticking her nose in. All I get back is well your mum doesn't do anything your mum doesn't treat her so my mum is doing everything that your mother can't be bothered to do so I'm not getting support from her or him absolutely gets on my nerves.

You need to talk to the nana about this, she is the target of change, if you work on it. The little girl is important, perhaps you can lay down the law to the child.

Remove the messaging app. Do not allow DD to message Grandma. She can see Grandma when she visits her on alternate weekends and that's the limit of their interaction.
If Grandma buys her something you don't approve of them that item stays at Grandma's house and does not get brought home.
Stand your ground on the issue of the electric scooter. They are illegal and dangerous. Tell your ex and his mum that DD will not be coming to visit if they encourage her to take part in illegal dangerous activities.

In Ireland electric scooters can only be ridden by 18 year olds! For a good reason.

The problem is the tablet. No more tablet. She can speak to Nana when she sees her.

You can’t control what happens outside of your home. They are probably playing a game of good cop/bad cop to undermine your strength as a parent. They care little about the damage this stupid game will have on your daughter. Not teaching her boundaries will damage her future and could cause them issues in the future also. Also you speaking to them won’t make any difference because their actions already show you they are stupid and immature. Nothing you can do but to keep modelling healthy behaviour and keep yourself out of this nonsense, leave them to it.

Oh and remove the messaging app. They talk only on their weekend.

If Grandma buys an electric scooter for her report Grandma to the police, social services and/or trading standards. She is only 9 and is being put in danger by having this product.

Well, seeing as e scooters are illegal to be used on a public byway, your answer, should be NO. If nana buys it, return it, or keep it at nanas. This is obviously learned behaviour, how much tablet time does a 9 year old need? Get rid of the damned thing, she's 9.What happens at Nanas is up to them, but a firm conversation with your daughter is needed, sooner rather than later, as she's playing you off against each other. Same with ex mil. If you say NO you mean it. This is the issue, if ex mil has done a lot for your DD this shouldn't then be used as a manipulation tool to undermine you. You can disable the WiFi on your daughter's tablet on certain Internet providers, or just get rid of the messaging app, or the tablet, full stop. She sees nana every other weekend. She can talk to her nana then.

Please don't listen to others about the tablet. In an more technological advanced and evolving world, it is fine for 9 year olds to have tablets, they must learn, keep up, and grow with a world that relies much on technology to maneuver and manage a lot of things.

It is also fine for her to communicate with her loved ones and the people whom love her as well via tablet within usage time. She doesn't need supervision to do this.

The adults should always inform one another and discuss the daughters request, and/or be able to flat out deny her and it be unanimous with all.

The problem seems to be poor communication and skills, perhaps built up tension, anger, and resentment, and perhaps intentionally/unintentionally weaponizing the child to lash out for old unhealed wounds from all or some of the adults involved.

You should always remain in communication with the grandmother, as she is actively involved in your daughter's life.

You cannot continue blaming the grandmother and say that she's intentionally undermining you, when she may be trusting her sons words as well as your daughters about things being okay. She may feel that you trust her father's judgement and you two are on the same page with coe-parenting.

You need to speak to her. You are a parent now. Whatever previous grudges you may have towards her perhaps when you and her son were together, work towards letting them go.

You also have to realize neither parent can have things their way all of the time, and things will be different at each house.

Focus on your 50%. You get breaks and days off. Your daughter returns..

If after speaking with the grandmother, if she still wants to get her a scooter for Christmas let her. Purchase safety equipment. It remains at grandmoms house. Discuss purchasing kid friendly ones.

Admit to them you're having difficulties with your daughter's attitude and mining your rules. They may get on board and tell her that if she doesn't behave for mommy and do well in school, there won't be any scooters or new things until she does.

In an ideal world everything would improve drastically and remain..

but... realistically,

If none of the adults ever come together,

Your daughter will always resent you and emotionally blackmail you eventually... perhaps eventually saying that she wants to live with grandma too . You'll remain an enemy and soon she'll start just figuring out how to get to grandmoms house on her own ..

The adults have to come together, or you may have to go along with a lot of things you don't approve of

I'm surprised no one else has said this. To the point that I was wondering if I'd misunderstood. Like the electric scooters that teens use on the road even when they don't even have a licence?? Don't get me started on that. But in what world is a 9 year old legally allowed to use one?!? I'm so confused 😕

But stick to your boundary. Just no electric scooter. If they get her one, it's to stay at her dad's and you have nothing to do with it. Stop telling her not to go to them with the same thing, just keep repeating, 'It's a no' or 'I've said no already'.