Grandma intervening all the time

[LunaMoon1986]

Just a Rant.
I am SO fed up with my little girl's nana constantly undermining me as her mum! 😤
Every time I tell my daughter NO, she runs straight to her nana, who thinks she should never be refused anything because she's only a little girl. 🙄
YES, she's a little girl, but she's also a child who needs boundaries! When Mummy says no, the answer is NO. Running to someone else shouldn't mean she gets her own way.
I'm her mum, and I'm trying to raise her properly, teach her respect and boundaries, and prepare her for the real world.
YOU CAN LOVE YOUR GRANDCHILD WITHOUT UNDERMINING THEIR MUM!
I'm so tired of feeling like I have to fight to parent my own child. Stop interfering, stop undermining me, and let me be her mum! 😤👏 I have tried telling my ex partner who is the father to our little girl to tell his mum to stop sticking her nose in. All I get back is well your mum doesn't do anything your mum doesn't treat her so my mum is doing everything that your mother can't be bothered to do so I'm not getting support from her or him absolutely gets on my nerves.

@NotquitethetruthShes 9. Ive had conversations with her about it before and shes just projected my reaction against me when I've said to her I appreciate everything you do but please remember I'm the mother and you are the grandma I don't think she liked that and all I got was don't you dare patronize me if I want to treat my granddaughter then I will I have said to her when I say no you shouldn't be going against me you should be telling your granddaughter if mummy says no then that answer is no.

@AbsobeautelyNo. Ive mentioned all this and I get told to mine my business. This is what I have to deal with.

What’s the split with your ex?

She already said the man parents 4 days a month

You have full control of what happens in your house, including your kids tablet usage.

The electric scooter lives at granny's house

Ffs. Why are you allowing unlimited access to a fucking tablet if this is how she uses it?

YOU ARE THE PARENT. Be a bloody parent!

this is your fault love. Fix it.

Take the tablet away.
Problem solved.

Talk to your ex about this? Also limit tablet time

Aah, I'm on the fence @LunaMoon1986.

Did "nana" know you had said no and why?

I spent almost every weekend with my grandparents. They spoilt me rotten. My mum said I couldn't have a pony, I had one at grandma's (grandma was a horsewoman and had stables), ditto: guinea pig, hamster, cat. Probably something crafty from the toy shop every week or a book, probably a dress or shoes every week. might not have brushed my teeth there

My mum's trade off was that I was very safe there, and it gave her a lot of free time. When I had children, there was very little help from both sides but if they went to my mum's they were spoilt rotten.

It was a very safe and secure refuge when her marriage to my father broke down and then her second marriage.

I suppose the difference was they were my mum's parents. They were a very safe and secure refuge.

A 9 year old doesn't need a tablet. Especially as her access to it sounds virtually unlimited.

Take the tablet away and a number of your issues will probably subside. Don't let DD have a phone either. If she already has one then take it away or the same thing will happen.

Unnecessary bullying on here. Blaming the OP for the ex mil’s behaviour because her child has a tablet is pretty pathetic.
OP- It seems as though nana is trying to play favourites and you won’t be able to control her behaviour unfortunately. I would focus on your relationship with your daughter and explain why you said no (illegal, unsafe etc) and why you disagree with nana getting her one without being unkind. E.g I know Nana wants to make you happy but I don’t want you to have a scooter because… See if you can discourage your daughter from wanting one. Sounds like a difficult situation and I would just refuse to play their game

@WildLeaderHow is it my fault. She doesn't get unlimited access on a tablet. She has certain times.

so your dd is video calling her nana and asking if she can have xy and z. This is not your ex MIL undermining you as she has no idea if you said yes or no.

Undermining happens when you are in the same room

what your dd is doing is playing of your MIL with you and its working

so you have two homes and two different sets of rules, scooter at grandmas house, ice cream before dinner at grandmas house, all the grandma things but you set boundaries you want and say thats grandmas house and grandmas rules not mine. Just like your best friend has different rules at her house you have different rules at different houses.

further down the line when your ex disagrees with your rules and wants you to change - this will be a problem for him

your dd is learning triangulation and it may well back fire on your ex and MIL

You need to remove whatever app she is using to call the nana. If she wants to speak to her she can do it via your phone with you supervising.

Take access to grandma away.

See this would be the rules at my house - supervised video calls at particular times of the week.

Your ex can't object t o you having your rules at your house - as youve had to accept his mothers rules at his house....

She’s 9. You’re the parent. She’s misusing the tablet so remove it. She is using it to undermine your decisions, she’s playing you off against her GM, who ISNT working with you to be responsible.

your DD shouldn’t even have access to a smartphone type device. You know this. You’ve just given this to her to keep her quiet/busy so you don’t have to.

you are the parent here. You’re acting like you have no power in any of this, you do.

Delete the app on the tablet, why cant the contact of the nana goes via you and your phone?

But how would her nan know she wasn't allowed these things if she isn't talking to you. It's not her fault bairn rings asks for something so how will she know you said no lol. It's great she has such a good relationship with her nan don't hear that often here and if anything like our kids gran spoilt rotten as that's what good grandparents do. I agree if you say no but you really need gran to know that aswell before the bairn asks on some things or she may just be hearing it for the first time can I have a scooter from the bairn and not that mum actually said no beforehand.

How about some constructive advice instead of berating OP.

How is she supposed to control what they do in their house? They seem to be actively undermining her, this is not a communication issue.

Difficult dynamic as ex mil.

For the electric scooter I would ask mil and your ex to support you as you are concerned about safety. If she still buys it then safety equipment and keep it with ex so they can supervise.

For dd generally consequences for asking nana for stuff when you have said no or without checking with you first. Tablet confiscated and supervised phone calls to nana only.

@TessgirlI have told my daughter that she must listen to me and stop going back to her nana asking for things that I said no to. I even said no to her nana and she still proceeded to go against me. It then turns into an argument and I'm made to feel like I'm the problem.

@DietCokeQuarterPounderI felt this too. Sometimes I feel this app is full of bullies. I get other people have an opinion but wording better is something thats been lacked.

It then turns into an argument and I'm made to feel like I'm the problem

So take away the tablet!