Grandma intervening all the time

[LunaMoon1986]

Just a Rant.
I am SO fed up with my little girl's nana constantly undermining me as her mum! 😤
Every time I tell my daughter NO, she runs straight to her nana, who thinks she should never be refused anything because she's only a little girl. 🙄
YES, she's a little girl, but she's also a child who needs boundaries! When Mummy says no, the answer is NO. Running to someone else shouldn't mean she gets her own way.
I'm her mum, and I'm trying to raise her properly, teach her respect and boundaries, and prepare her for the real world.
YOU CAN LOVE YOUR GRANDCHILD WITHOUT UNDERMINING THEIR MUM!
I'm so tired of feeling like I have to fight to parent my own child. Stop interfering, stop undermining me, and let me be her mum! 😤👏 I have tried telling my ex partner who is the father to our little girl to tell his mum to stop sticking her nose in. All I get back is well your mum doesn't do anything your mum doesn't treat her so my mum is doing everything that your mother can't be bothered to do so I'm not getting support from her or him absolutely gets on my nerves.

@BestbeforenowShe did say that she wanted to save up. Now to me that is a very mature decision for a nine-year-old but I think what has happened here my little girl has gone to her Nana and said that she wants an electronic scooter and she has probably said I'm saving up for my scooter because I've got her a go henry card and on there it shows the child how to earn their money correctly and I do think it's a great idea so far she has earned £25. And some other money also is her birthday money I have shown her videos of how electronic scooters are used and some of the things I've also shown her how the electronic scooter can harm us if we don't use it correctly I didn't go all graphic and explicit I just said look if you don't use it correctly and if we don't research how to use it you could end up being hurt and that's what I don't want she does listen to me somdtimes but I just think as a nine year old they tend to run to the next person they that gives in easily because I don't give into her so easily and give her things she does tend to run to her nana the one that just willingly give her bank card details to a nine year old that's how daft she really is.

But it's up to her dad what he gets her. I would never tell my DD not to ask her dad for something as it goes against me if I say no, I'd explain why I don't want her to have one but it's up to him if he gets one. If this was the other way round you'd feel very differently. You can't control what they buy her - you can only say its not allowed at yours and make your DD aware of any risks.

It is illegal for her to ride it anywhere in the UK except a private estate. Not to mention completely irresponsible for a 9yo to have it at all. Are people really unaware of the very high numbers of children seriously injured using electric scooters? I’m in Ireland where there are very stark public health messages warning against them. This isn’t a control issue, it’s a safety issue.

I'm not disputing that but she can't control whether her DDs dad/ nan gets her one to use at his house. A judge or social services isn't going to do anything if they buy her an electric kids scooter from Smyth's toys! So there really isn't anything she can do

She sees this woman twice a month.

Just control your very young daughters iPad usage in the intervening many days of the month @LunaMoon1986

if a toy shop sells it, then it’s legal

if the nanna breaks the law by buying one that is not legally allowed to be e used by the child - the Op can go to the police

What else is she undermining you in ? As far as the scooters concerned if her dad says she can have it then that’s his choice as he is also her parent and it’s being held at the grandmother’s place, which you don’t get any say in .

It’s unclear whether grandma is deliberately undermining you- does she know that you have said no to it when your daughter asks? However, your daughter is definitely misbehaving by going to another adult when she has received a clear, firm ‘no’ from you. I’d be extremely cross if my DC did that. One thing you can do is give her consequences every time she tries to circumnavigate your ‘no’ by going to grandma, she’s old enough to understand that is bad behaviour. Then hopefully she will learn that she gets in trouble and has consequences when she asks for things behind your back, and will stop asking grandma for things she knows full well she isn’t allowed to have.

That might solve the problem if grandma IS trying to undermine you? Stopping grandma is going to be very difficult if you don’t see her much, but stopping your daughter probably is in your power if she’s with you the majority of the time.

i could of written this, my gran is 76 and butts in to everything. Has no idea what goes on in my home or how to deal with a suspected adhd child but it’s easy to be a perfect parent when she’s sat in her arm chair and not actually involved! Sending solidarity!

OP, say no, explain why and remove the tablet. Keep hammering the why.
If it is a treat, like a toy or a day out, then start talking to your DD about money, budgeting and what is affordable and not. If you cannot take her to the zoo, but her Nana can, then let her have fun. Just explain that you cannot, at this point.
If it is misbehaving, being cheeky, noisy and disorderly in public spaces, going late to bed, not brushing teeth .... and this type of thing, remove the tablet and be firm. If your MIL does not respect this, then you may need to reduce contact.

At 9, your DD can have a normal standard scooter, with helmet and elbow and knee protection. Or roller skates.
Why an electric scooter?
I would put my hills down on that.
Call her grandmother and tell her very clearly about the speed and fire hazards.
I just watched a video about one catching fire. I will try to link.

Minimum afe to use an electric scooter in public roads and lanes: 16

https://youtube.com/shorts/NcmKWLpNKPw?is=I0bxgS-WlaVjx8sl

It’s just e-scooters on fire I checked

Do mot click then LOL

I feel for you and would hate for my children to have an electric scooter, but your hands are tied.

Ideally you and your ex would coparent well enough to make these decisions together, but if he's unwilling, you can't force him.

‘I have said no-do not go and ask your Nana as this is for me to decide’.

I’d probably take the tablet away if she carries on .

But it isn't for her to decide. She can decide what her daughter can have at her house during her care. But the reality of split families is that Dad also can decide was his daughter can have at his (or his mothers) house during his care.

Talk to your MIL and ex about the dangers. All of them. I think they have not thought it through properly.
Plus, a normal standard scooter keeps children active. It would never cross my mind to buy an e-scooter for a 9 year old.
Maybe offer alternatives? Maybe an organised offroad park, though I think you can only have your own scooter over 12 years old. Or a go cart experience? Much safer in a well organised, well run and full of adult supervisors place. As an experience, a nice day out.

It's kind of a nana's job to spoil their grandkids in the way they could not spoil their own children because they had to parent them. But if mum or dad says NO then no it is! If my granddaughter asks me for a treat etc I always tell her to ask mum or dad first. I would never undermine the parent. You're not being unreasonable. But if it's true your own mum doesn't interact much with your children, is it possible that the other nana is trying to make up for that? Not that that excuses anything!

This is easy - you take the tablet off your dd and tell her that it doesn't matter what nana says - if mum says no then that's it. You also have a conversation with nana and tell her that she isn't helping your dd by agreeing to everything she wants - it's undermining and causing confusion. If she gets her the scooter anyway, then you put it on eBay and tell dd that mum said no until you are older. Both dd and nana need to see that there's no value in undermining you because you won't just roll over and accept it.

But honestly, you are your own worst enemy in allowing g the tablet to be used in this way. Delete nans number!