Thank you, everyone that's replied to me, I feel reassured in my thoughts.
I'll try my best to reply to everyone's comments in this one reply as I never expected such a strong reaction to this in such a short amount of time.
My daughter is independent in a lot of things, she'll cook breakfasts, lunch, puddings and is starting to intrigue herself with dinner meals, she make us hot drinks as her treat to us. She'll opt to make her own lunch for school, and she'll do it well. She'll separate her clothing for washing. She's trusted by both of us to look after our son say if we needed to go something around the house. She completes her homework without prompting from anyone. She takes pride in her appearance and will often be the first awake in the house, doing her favourite hairstyles; something she's become known for at school and will often be the hairstylist at school within the groups of friends she's in. She's always had a glowing school report and is described as a model student. In public, she'll hold the door open for strangers as we enter a building, and even say her own order when out for a meal. She's recently gained 'control' of her own Vinted account, as a way of me teaching her the value of money, commerce and the importance of saving. This isn't an exhaustive list.
My daughter does put on a baby voice every now and again, but that's children just being children and I point it out telling her she won't get her own way just because of a voice change; I want her to be capable, and not need to seek assistance under the guise of being inferior to anyone. I remind her to tidy her bed from time to time but again that's just children.
So, with all this, as you could imagine, I'm stumped as to what independence she's lacking for her age and what I'm supposedly doing to impede it.
My partner has made other retorts and it seems to stem from the time I spend with my daughter and the affection we share. My partner recently made the comment "The problem is I got with you when you have a child already", this was because they're finding it difficult that I need to co-parent and she doesn't like that she requires communication between me and my ex-partner. My daughter's toothbrush isn't allowed near to my son's as she has a habit of coughing but theirs and mine can be next to his even in illness. My daughter was left out of the first family holiday (all four of us) abroad because my partner wanted it to just be me, them and our son so kept on throwing obstacles to make sure she couldn't attend; this is something they've since apologised for. My partner got angry with me because I didn't tell them that my ex-partner would also be at the parents evening; they told me that they only ever had one parent go to these sorts of things with them as a child. Again, this list isn't exhaustive.
And, strangely, even though this comment has come about yesterday, my partner decided to take away my daughter's choice to make her own lunches. I did think this was out of affection but now the water seems so unclear. The two things don't sing from the same hymn sheet. I feel constantly watched and ready to be called out for the next thing that they don't agree with in my relationships with the children.