My partner says I'm affecting my daughter's ability to be independent

[SteadyFoot]

I have an 11-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. I have a 10-month-old son with my partner. Today, my partner said that I'm affecting my daughter's ability to be independent because she and I were holding hands whilst out on a walk...

We're on a family trip to York, the city was busy and my daughter reached out for my hand and so we held hands and walked through the city whilst I pushed our young son in his pram.

I'd say she reached out for my hand for affection and safety, she's always been an affectionate person and to me this is absolutely normal behaviour. I was loving every moment, being there for both my children, keeping them safe as is my job as a responsible and loving parent.

Considering their age and the situation we were in, I can't see where my partner is coming from at all. It was hurtful to hear them say this as I'd like to think that if our own son were to reach out for their hand at 11-years-old then they'd accept their hand rather than dismiss it, as a lesson to gain dependence.

What are people's thoughts on this?

Your partner is weird. It's totally normal and lovely that your 11yo daughter wants to hold your hand. Is he controling in other aspects of your life because he sounds almost jealous of your daughter which would raise red flags?

Is he resentful of the close bond in other ways op?
My dc is 12 and sometimes holds mu hand in busy places!

Is he resentful of the close bond in other ways op?
My dc is 12 and sometimes holds my hand in busy places!

Totally normal to hold your child's hand at this age. It may stop as she enter teen years.

Is your parent jealous?

Has he said it in relation to this one incident or has he said it before about other things?

Your partner is jealous of your relationship with your daughter and/or trying to put you down. And trying to frame it as concern/wisdom, because he’s one of those guys who must always be right and can’t face his own emotions.

Prick.

What a nasty thing to say. I hold my kids hand all the time if she wants to and she’s a similar age! And perfectly independent when needed.

My daughter is 20 and she still occasionally holds my hand or links arms with me because we love each other. She is fully independent and at university most of the time. I don't think an 11 year old holding their mum's hand is cause for any concern at all!

You partner is a twat!!

Dd is 13 and still holds my hand (or grabs on to my bag) if we are in a busy city or a crowded area.

My 11 yo dd always holds my hand in busy areas - completely normal!

He's jealous of your daughter.

I'd watch carefully here actually that he's not going to start being extra critical of your dd now his own kid is here

Sounds like he’s trying to drive a wedge between you and your daughter and make sure his son is number one. Does he belittle her (no matter how subtlety.) Bring up her bad points or bad behaviour?

I’d watch him carefully. Does your daughter like him?

Your partner is a bit of a twat, my daughter is 36 and she still links arms sometimes when we're out together. What your daughter did is completely normal and healthy.

Exactly, this man is jealous of the clos relationship you have with your DD. Don't ever let him spoil that relationship.

Your partner is jealous of the bond you have with your daughter. He’s jealous that you were so happy with both children, so he was trying to spoil the moment and get the attention back on him.

Your relationship with your daughter is not his business and he doesn’t like that at all.
I hate to say it but I would be hypervigilant and ensure she is safe at all times. A petulant unrelated male in the house can be risky for a teenage girl.

Maybe show this thread to Twatty McTwatFace

I was walking in a wood today with my family and dog. One 15 years old held my hand at one point and the other 15 year old linked arms with me at another point. Both pretty independent.

He is ai out of order. Nasty comment. 25 would be fine imo!

@SteadyFoot
I’m assuming your partner is male but you’ve been careful to use they and them.,

Totally normal and means you have a good loving relationship with your child. He sounds like a weirdo

Holding hands has nothing to do with independence. The situation youve described, going to a busy city, is not everyday, it sounds like maybe she chose to hold your hand as affection or comfort.

Whats driving partners comment?
Can she do baths/ showers alone, pack her schoolbag, set her morning alarm, do her homework without prompting, wash and dry her hair, cook simple meals, manage her money, budget and save, do household tasks like wash dishes, clean counters, sort clothes for washing, put on laundry. These i would say would be markers of learning independence and at 11 she might not have all of them yet (but obviously plenty of time for her to learn them).

Might he be saying it from concern for your daughter, that she might be teased (and does he or would he hold your hand in public)? Even then, i think he is misguided.

Or as others have said is it him feeling threatened or simply to attack your parenting. You said your daughter reached for your hand so it wouldnt be right for you to push her away. (It wasnt you reaching for her hand). You sound like a very thoughtful mum, the very fact you' ve posted on here worried about your partners comment.

You don't need your partner's permission or approval to reassure your 11-year-old. If your child needs a moment of comfort or affection you are allowed to provide it.

This is a red flag. Be vigilant to other looser alerts.

My eldest son is year 9 and still will hold my hand. He’s perfectly independent for his age, but we have a close and affectionate relationship and sometimes he just wants to hold my hand.

It sounds like he's jealous of a child.