Younger guy at work - go for it or avoid?

[Marshmallow444]

I’m 35. I have a (probably very inappropriate) crush on a guy at work who is only 21. Aside from the age difference, I am senior to him, though I am self employed and we hire staff (kind of like an agency set up). He is part of our staff and works for me / others though I am not his ‘manager’ if that makes sense. Helps organise my clients and diary etc. Not in charge of my fees or anything like that if it makes a difference.
The feeling is mutual. Last time we were at a work drinks he made it very clear he was interested. People have noticed the chemistry between us.
I think I could trust him to be discreet (don’t want to be the subject of gossip) but I think the temptation to talk might get the better of him. As a male friend said to me yesterday, sleeping with me would be the kind of thing men would want to brag about 🤦🏻‍♀️ which I think was meant as a compliment but concerns me slightly!
I rarely see him ‘at work’ as I work remotely / at different locations. Mainly see him at social events.
Is it a bad idea to explore this further? I do really like him. We really get on and whilst it probably won’t be a super serious long term thing because of the age difference, it would be nice to have a relationship that’s light and easy. Not into anything super casual. He is very protective over me and looks after me.
Go for it or leave well alone?

Don't shit where you eat

People have noticed the chemistry between us.
I think I could trust him to be discreet (don’t want to be the subject of gossip)

You've answered your own dilemma right there in those two lines.

Bluntly, he's 21....he wont be discreet, everyone will know & no-one will respect, you.

At best he's young and naïve, at worst, he's using you to get on - that's why your colleagues will take issue with you - because your values suck and you have poor judgement.

Not intended to be 'mean' but your earlier replies suggest you don't really get it.

Umm no.
id stay well clear
and it looks a bit desperate (I’d say tne same if sexes we’re reversed)

To sum up so far.

OP is a 35 who men like to shag and then boast about.
She has 21 year old junior colleague.

The junior colleague is very protective over her and looks after her.
He has been extremely forward with her.

He spent last evening out telling her her how attracted he is and how beautiful she is.
They rarely see each other.
She has a crush on him. She really likes him.
She is warm.
He's made it clear he is interested.
They’ve had a little joke and a flirt.

The feeling is mutual.
People have noticed the chemistry between them.
OP doesn't want people to notice the chemistry between them and gossip about it.

This is bilge.

You think you can get another job easily in this job market paying you the same? How would a dismissal for sexual harassment affect that job hunt?

Neither of you are discreet if your coworkers are discussing your "chemistry" and that's what's said in front of you.

Don't be a dumbass.

I am not sexually harassing him and I am self employed :)

Yes it would be inappropriate.
Your too old for him.
Things will get messy at work.

No, no, a million times no. He’s too young and you will already be the subject of office gossip. Keep your dignity intact and your knickers on.

This

I think he is also too young

if you were saying you were 45 and he was 31 it would be different

You need to be the grown up, feel flattered and move on, I had the same scenario when I was younger, let him find someone his own age,

There is a power imbalance OP even though you say he is keen - be the adult and stop it now

Eww.

This is basically my age and my nephew's age the thought of being with one of his friends 🤢 don't do it.

What's with all these weird age gap/inappropriate relationship threads lately? Can't people find someone their own age to shag?

Well , we met when he was 20 and I was 34 so same age difference . Married after 19 years and together 25 years with two teenagers . I was top of my game when we met , career and home owner. He’d left home at 17 . He works very hard and built a successful career . we have a great life . Age difference isn’t always a negative factor . But no we didn’t ever work together .

What's with all these weird age gap/inappropriate relationship threads lately? Can't people find someone their own age to shag?

yes previous relationship with man my own age was rubbish

I mean i've seen worse age differences, i very much doubt you will find much in the way of maturity in him though and aside from the sex my guess is the rest of the relationship might end up being a bit mismatched.

What do you mean OP, when you say that your friend said that sleeping with you would be the kind of thing men would want to brag about? I really was surprised to read this statement as at age 35, it’s not really seen as some score surely to be sleeping around. Would you like your sexual partner to be gossiping that you both had sex? The entire thing seems immature.

Why have you not shut down his comments because if things deteriorated he could claim you led him on and he had no choice but to go along with your advances. Especially with the new sexual harassment laws coming into affect from 30 Oct. He is your 'junior' who manages your calendar and completes work for you.

You've said in your Op that any potential relationship won't be serious between you. How will things be once it ends if he still works for you? Don't be short sighted because you're already developing a reputation as the office slapper. Is this what you want to be remembered for in your career?

Keep your working relationship and conversations purely professional and discourage flirting. It's really unprofessional of you and stupid particularly with the new laws coming in on 30 Oct.

https://www.acas.org.uk/employment-rights-act-2025/harassment-law-changes/sexual-harassment

If you're as hot as you claim to be, why cant you date a man nearer your own age? why do you need to be dating someone so much younger

Avoid!

If people have observed the spark as you describe, people are judging you. Not him, you. Whether or not you think that’s acceptable, they are. And it will affect your career, self employed or not.

I hate the phrase “give your head a wobble” but this is one thread where it seems fairly appropriate.

Jesus Christ. How am I ‘developing a reputation as the office slapper’? I don’t even work in an office. I haven’t slept with anyone for over three years, let alone anyone at work. I haven’t ’sexually harassed’ him, if anyone assessed it objectively it would be more likely the other way around.
yes he is more junior but I don’t manage him and I rely on his team for work so if anything were to go wrong it would more likely harm my career than his.
I am not and have never taken advantage of him or pressured him or done anything inappropriate.

MN is vicious.

Op must have expected everyone to tell her to go for it. If you’re self employed management could easily bin you off if you start behaving inappropriately. If you’re such hot stuff just find someone else.