Dating a man with 4 children

[Rachaelf37]

So as title really. I'm early 40's and I've been single quite a few years now (nearly 5). I've been seeing a guy for a month who I like as a person but he's been married before and has a 19 year old and 12 year old from that relationship. Then he was engaged to his last ex and has two young children to her (two under 4). He also has debt. I'm in two minds about him as we do click but I'm unsure what a future with him would look like financially and we live in different cities. I have one child who is 6. Currently I go abroad at least once a year and can afford to eat out and do more expensive days out but I think if I got with him this would change as I get the impression he wouldn't be able to afford those things. He has his kids 50/ 50. Has anyone else got any experience of something similar?

It doesn't sound like you are compatible op. At least you are finding out what you don't want! Try to date a few at once so you don't get too attached to anyone. He sounds irresponsible tbh.

So he was lying to you before you met, Yuk. The sex is really good with idots like this, they konw it gets us attached and go all out.

Run like the wind.

How long has he been single? Where does he live at the moment? Is it in a suitable home for all his children to stay when they're with him? Or is he in a grotty bedsit and he has to see his kids at his mum's?

Remember, no man falls in love faster than a single dad with nowhere to live.

He has all the hallmarks of someone looking for a nanny with a fanny. Don't let it be you.

Thats also a very good point.

If you ended up blending families, your child would become one of five and would be on their own in the sense that none of the other children would be their sibling.

If he'd been honest about the four children and their ages on his profile, would you have bothered to take it further?

Probably not and he knows that. Hence the lying by omission.

This one's a non-starter, OP, especially given that you want a serious committed relationship in the future.

So true 😂

He lives in a different city.
He has 2 young children who are close in age to your own child, as well as a 19 year old and a 12 year old. (There are no good reasons why he left those 2 kids off his dating profile either btw - it’s dishonest).
He is supposedly already supporting 2 other families. He has debt.
I know you say that you “clicked” but him being a decent conversationalist (or even good in bed) is not enough to cancel out these significant issues. What part of this would enhance your child’s life? It’s been a month. Jack it in

1. Kids and debt. No

my XH and I share 4DC. The reason our marriage ended is because he screwed up finances throughout our 20 year marriage. I helped him with his finances when we first got together, and thought he had learnt. He is 52 now and still hasn’t grasped the basics, I spent our marriage sorting him out until four years ago, when I said enough was enough.

whilst he is a lovely guy and a great dad, (which is why I stayed so long), I do feel pity for whoever dates him next. I should have left years ago and rebuilt my future but it was a hard truth to face up to.

FWIW, for the last two years, I have a wonderful new partner, we both have kids of similar ages (he only has 1DC, so not unlike your situation) and so whilst we don’t holiday together nor plan to live together, we have managed to along our childfree time together and do bring everyone together for special occasions or board games sessions. Everyone is fine and actually likes each other but we have no desire to fully blend our families. We are both happy to continue as we are until our kids are older (they are all teenagers so not that long!).

The actual DC are not the issue to me here, but the lying on his profile and mismanagement of money really is a red flag!

Not a chance in hell.

I wouldn't date a skint 40 year old no matter how many kids he had.

Put that one back… there’s a more suitable match on the way!!

A single Dad, 4 children, different ages and Mum's plus skint with debt - No, just no!

@Rachaelf37 How long ago did he split with the mother of his under 4 year-olds, and why?

This is so true about the sex They "dickmatise" us to draw us in. If often works too!😂

This man has a 19 and 12 year old with his 1st baby mother. They split up and he then has 2 children under 4 with baby mother 2.
He has split up from her and he told you about the 2 kids under 4 after you agreed to meet him. He has his kids 50/50 so he does not have to pay maintenance. He is in debt as well. If you're in your 40's he is probably around your age. His life is a mess and he will still be dealing with his kids in 20 years time if his youngest kids go to university. His debt won't disappear either but probably get worse. He will expect you help him out financially, probably move in with you and you will end up minding his kid's.
He will expect you to pay for things as well.

You have a 6 year old. Your not in debt and with budgeting you can afford the odd foreign holiday. I would throw this man back and work towards continuing to improve your own life. Build up your own savings and pension. It not just yourself that you have to consider but your child also.
If you want to get into a serious long term relationship you need a man whose not in debt and who hasn't multiple children and several baby mothers.

Hell No!

The ages alone speak volumes. That's why I didnt ask..... 2 under 4. This man's priority is not to be dating right now. I wonder if he evens pays for all 4 kids. Its actually disgusting!

I wouldn't see this man again. He's nothing to offer you.

Noooooo. This man has left a partner and his kids twice. Twice! He has nothing to offer you, only things to gain from you. Plus, debt?! Nooooooo. You can do much much better!

Debt and 4 kids in his 40s, two of them under 4? And he "forgot" to put the older 2 on his dating profile? 🙄

He's looking for someone to share the load of childrearing and an easy place to land and you have your child to raise. Do you want to raise his kids at the expense of your child? And not able to do fun things with your kid because he can't afford it?

This has mess written all over it. Run.

My mum just had one child (me) and married a man with 4 children when I was two. The girl absolutely hated me, the 3 boys came to live with us full time, and it was completely overwhelming for me. They were all older than me, they were boisterous and I could never relax, I was always on my guard. They would creep up behind me and clap their hands around my ears. This would cause a sort of painful vaccuum and ear infections etc. I just wanted it to go back to it being my mum and I to be honest. In any disagreement my mum took the boys side. Probably to please her partner in guessing.

Prioritise your child. What will make their life better?