Discovered man I’ve been seeing for 5 years is a full-blown conman running a double life.

[PurplepenguinZ]

I am completely shell-shocked and running on no sleep. I've been with a man (44) for 5 years. I thought he was a divorced single dad living with his parents due to debt. The reality has just exploded and it is a total horror show.

• He met me on a dating app claiming he was single/divorced. He has kept me completely isolated from his home, parents, and workplace for 5 years. I never even had his physical address, and after he kept cancelling and postponing my meeting his parents these past few months - he’s finally admitted last week they have no idea I exist.
• He also admitted he lied about where his parents actually live in Cheshire just to make them sound wealthier than they are.
• He completely hid the fact that he has a second son (9 years old) from me for 5 whole years, and only just dropped that bombshell. I was only aware he had a 14 year old son.
• He claims his wife (ex wife as he told me) tragically died of terminal illness (breast cancer) in May. He flashed a quick snippet photo of a death certificate to me where I only saw the date, no name last week when it all came to a complete head.
• He is now spinning a tragic story about becoming a "widowed dad" to care for his two sons, but now wants to start afresh and wants me to stage a fake "accidental park meeting" to introduce our kids and lie to them about our 5-year timeline.
• He let slip his debts were caused by a gambling addiction, and the police were called to his house last October because debt collectors were pounding on the door. He claims his late wife cut him out of the will and put the house in a trust for the kids because her mother hated him.

whilst not admitting he was having an affair these past years, he has now said he was in a loveless sexless marriage where they agreed to do the best for the kids when young and live separate lives. It sounds like a complete and utter lie and itis clear he was a fully married man who has been living with his wife and kids in the family home this entire time, and he only used me, manipulated me in some sick game. He is currently acting completely normal on calls, aggressively trying to book a weekend getaway for us next weekend, and telling me he "needs my support going forward”. I am mid 40s and reeling from everything that’s come to light the past few days. He has always caled me every day, he was always lovely, fun and seemed so normal when we were together. my trauma-bonded brain is struggling to know what to do next. Please give me the brutal, honest truth I need to hear.

Agree to meet him and then get someone to follow him home.

F

You will never get the truth and you will tie yourself in knots trying. The best thing you can do is block him, run for the hills and don’t look back. This man has shredded your confidence and taken your power. Take it back.

Post some photos on your local AreWeDatingTheSameGuy Facebook group. Or even on here! Women helping each other out.

as the poster above says get photos of him and hopefully you can call him out and stop him from continuing to deceive people. Hope you are okay! you are well rid!

Can I ask you, does his name begin with S? And is he a biker? My. Half sister dated a liar who sounds similar. And the area fits.

To add. He would never have his photo taken. And the one she managed to take he stole from her house. No social media either.

Has he done anything which might interest the police? If so, definitely report him. You have done nothing wrong, and in the I’ll you’d benefit from talking it though with a counsellor, what he has done is a serious head fuck. Any idea where he works at all, you’re more likely to find out his actual name if you can find his workplace.

I'd put a tracker in his car, tbh.

Pretty sure this is illegal and even if it's not, it's insane.

OP, you know the truth. You know he's a liar, a conman, not who he said he was, a serial philanderer, a rat and a total fraud. You don't need to know all the finer details; you know enough. Full truth, closure, whatever you call it is overrated for situations like this. Even if you did put a tracker on his car or stake him out and tail him in a rented car while wearing a wig (dear God), you wouldn't know if you'd found out everything and nothing you uncover will make you feel any better. Most likely it will just make you feel worse.

You obviously need to ditch him, close the door on him, potentially report if you think there might be something actually illegal going on, but you need to then start trying to put it behind you rather than going Miss Marple on him. Perhaps counselling can help with that as I can only imagine how utterly traumatising the whole thing must be, but turning private detective is an absolute path to madness and he's taken enough of your mental resources already.

You can’t stay with this mean. Awful.

You need to go to the police about him to protect yourself and probably several other women. Take a friend with you. Follow police advice about what to do next because above all you need to stay safe. Does he drive? Do you know his car registration No..

You will never get closure.

Block and delete and take the learning not to ignore red flags

@PurplepenguinZ If you want to get answers you could look into a private investigator. This type of enquiry is their bread and butter. It won't be cheap but at least you will get some facts

You have to think what will you do with this information and how it will make you feel and ultimately is it worth it? Will it give you closure? Will it help you heal quicker?

You will NEVER get any answers from your ex. He is a con artist, a liar, a cheater.....

How often were you seeing him @PurplepenguinZ? Was he lying about his whole name or only part of it? Are you still seeing him?

Have you never seen any ID or credit cards or anything?

Don’t waste any more of your life on this guy. You’ll never get ‘closure’. He’s a compulsive liar, con artists and sounds mentally unstable. Just tell him to fuck off and you’ll call the police if he contacts you again, then block him.

Time to woman up!