Soreness and potential tears after sex or could it be herpes?

[Worriedone12]

Hello all, I know this is sort of a sex question and that we have a sex board. However I'm hoping for sensible answers as I'm really worried.

Basically last Saturday DP and I had sex. He had been drinking so it went on far longer than it should have and it hurt. Sorry for tmi but he was inserting fingers into me (vaginally and anal) and it was quite rough. The anal hurt quite a bit as there was no lubrication and he kept going. However I let it happen, so I'm not blaming him for this.
The next day my bum was very sore and going to the toilet really hurt. We had sex again and my vagina was also sore and my cervix felt very sore.

From then on I was really sore. I felt really swollen down below and felt a lot of pressure. Sitting down actually hurt and I haven't really been able to wipe myself since. I think I also got thrush as I had the symptoms (I get it quite regularly) and had that sore paper cut feeling. I did take a fluconazole tablet on Thursday.

So all week it's been really sore to even sit down, feel like paper cuts everywhere.

Anyway I decided to try and take some photos because I can't actually see the area. All around my anal area I have redness (a good few cms away from actual anus as well as my perinium and anus looking swollen). I've also got what looks like some bits of broken skin. However what has worried me is that I have some spots/potential blisters? I can't really tell properly from the photo. I'm terrified I may have herpes. They aren't the obvious typical appearance but I have some small circle shaped bits of broken skin. I can also see some red bits on the swollen areas of anus but can't tell if it's a cut or tear or potential spot.

I obviously know nobody can diagnose me via the internet but wondering if anyone has any experience of this. Did you have similar symptoms after vigourous sex? Have you had herpes? I only looked on Thursday and couldn't get to the drs Fri. I will contact them tomorrow, however I'm very very nervous about what it'll mean and how it'll impact my relationship.

For context, been with my partner 10 years and completely faithful. I've never had herpes and not has he- well never seen any and he's not said he has. I know it can remain dormant etc etc but how likely is this to actually be the case and isn't it more likely he's just cheated?

Your partner has absolutely appalling sexual technique if he thinks shoving fingers or anything up you with no lube would turn you on and wouldn't be extremely sore. That he carried on even though he knew it wasn't wet enough?

You really have to both tell him and get the lube out yourself. Or tell him to stop.

Don't let him hurt you like this. Sex is meant to be pleasurable. And if he was using his hand he was clearly misguidedly attempting to make you orgasm? Rather than just get himself off. Which actually makes it worse.

i am so sorry this happened to you :( how are you feeling today love? hopefully better <3

The more you’ve said, OP, the more concerning your posts have become.

I don’t think this guy really cares about you and you have lost perspective on what a normal, loving relationship is.

You need to seriously think about whether this is a relationship you should be in.

I know it is very frightening to admit that your partner is a rapist but, gently, you do already know deep down that he is - that's why you considered lying to your doctor about what had happened and were so relieved when she didn't question you about it. It's not that you don't think it's true that he is abusive, it's that you're scared of other people finding out that he is.

In this thread you have described repeated sexual assaults, that he is deliberately rough to punish you by hurting you when he feels annoyed with you, that he is aware you do not consent to any anal activity but does it anyway (in a violent manner, too), that he has on at least one occasion sexually assaulted you as you have been telling him/immediately after you have told him no. He is violent and he knows that you don't consent, there is no confusion.

None of this is remotely normal (or legal). I would really, really recommend that you ring your local rape crisis centre or your local branch of Women's Aid (just Google for their number, it may be called something different to WA like Grantham Haven for example) to talk things through with someone who is trained to help you. It's absolutely not your fault that he acts this way but you do need to safely remove your children (and yourself) from living with someone like that.

I really don't know why you had sex again so soon after being so sore, you can say No. I know we are all different and people enjoy different things but sex is meant to be a pleasure and you seem to be having something far from that.

Im sorry you are going through this. You said he did once do something to you despite you saying no is that correct? In that case it is sexual assault. He needs your consent and consent in a continuous process that can be withdrawn at any time. He cannot do things to you that hurt you and it is very very concerning that he is rougher with you when he is angry with you. I don't have any suggestions of what to do accept that you communicate that to him and make it really clear that it is to never ever happen again.

Have you read OP's updates?
He doesn't listen even when she says No.

@Worriedone12 how are you doing this week?