Soreness and potential tears after sex or could it be herpes?

[Worriedone12]

Hello all, I know this is sort of a sex question and that we have a sex board. However I'm hoping for sensible answers as I'm really worried.

Basically last Saturday DP and I had sex. He had been drinking so it went on far longer than it should have and it hurt. Sorry for tmi but he was inserting fingers into me (vaginally and anal) and it was quite rough. The anal hurt quite a bit as there was no lubrication and he kept going. However I let it happen, so I'm not blaming him for this.
The next day my bum was very sore and going to the toilet really hurt. We had sex again and my vagina was also sore and my cervix felt very sore.

From then on I was really sore. I felt really swollen down below and felt a lot of pressure. Sitting down actually hurt and I haven't really been able to wipe myself since. I think I also got thrush as I had the symptoms (I get it quite regularly) and had that sore paper cut feeling. I did take a fluconazole tablet on Thursday.

So all week it's been really sore to even sit down, feel like paper cuts everywhere.

Anyway I decided to try and take some photos because I can't actually see the area. All around my anal area I have redness (a good few cms away from actual anus as well as my perinium and anus looking swollen). I've also got what looks like some bits of broken skin. However what has worried me is that I have some spots/potential blisters? I can't really tell properly from the photo. I'm terrified I may have herpes. They aren't the obvious typical appearance but I have some small circle shaped bits of broken skin. I can also see some red bits on the swollen areas of anus but can't tell if it's a cut or tear or potential spot.

I obviously know nobody can diagnose me via the internet but wondering if anyone has any experience of this. Did you have similar symptoms after vigourous sex? Have you had herpes? I only looked on Thursday and couldn't get to the drs Fri. I will contact them tomorrow, however I'm very very nervous about what it'll mean and how it'll impact my relationship.

For context, been with my partner 10 years and completely faithful. I've never had herpes and not has he- well never seen any and he's not said he has. I know it can remain dormant etc etc but how likely is this to actually be the case and isn't it more likely he's just cheated?

Jesus Christ my lovely everything about this is awful. I'm not judging the anal or the roughness - both of those are fun in the right hands - but his behaviour was so awful and careless of your health and wellbeing and I know that's not your focus now but it needs to be. Please call the gum clinic for an urgent appointment today - you need the lesions/blisters to be swabbed while they are present. Then after that please speak to someone about your experiences with him because this needs a lot of unpacking.

Hi OP
I have herpes and what you describe doesn’t sound dissimilar to my experience. Please get medical help from a specialist sexual health clinic.

separately, please do consider your relationship. Have you told you partner how you are suffering? What has been his response?

Thank you for all your replies, I'm very grateful. I've now contacted my GP surgery (it's all online) and waiting to hear back. I'm hoping they don't send me to the GUM clinic as it's an hour round trip and sot and wait, which isn't do able today around taking children to and from school (eldest starts later and finishes earlier).

I'm a little less sore today but each day has started getting a little better. However I want to know if I have herpes. If I knew for sure it was just injury, I would leave it. To be honest after everyone's messages I'm anxious now that I'll be questioned on the nature of the sex. I may just say I was drinking too and didn't realise how sore I'd be.

I don’t think they will question you about the nature of the sex. You have been given excellent advice on here and I think it maybe good after you see the doctor to explore how safe you feel in your relationship.
some practical advice I would give right now is paracetamol, sudocreme and maybe a think period pad to help with sitting down, good luck, I hope you get seen and treated today.

Don’t worry about the conversation with the GP.
We have all tried out things that in retrospect turned out to be a bad idea. It’s totally fine as long as we learn from
it and don’t repeat the same mistake. And HCPs are generally less judgemental than many posters here.

I hope that you will feel better very soon

You won’t be under pressure to share any more about the nature of the sex than is clinically necessary ie that there was anal and vaginal penetration and you’re worried there is an element of injury. They will absolutely ask questions about it and as to your safety - it’s their job - but you won’t be pressed to share more than you want to. They’re doing this to make it clear it’s ok for you to speak to them if you wish to and to establish if you need additional support, not to make you feel bad. You can politely deflect the questions - it won’t prevent them being able to help you with the physical issues. There will not be any judgment.

Please don’t lie to your GP to protect your DH who performed very violent sexual acts on you when it must have been obvious you weren’t enjoying it…

Gently I would think it would be unwise to lie as it will go onto your medical record.
There’s no harm in telling it exactly as it happened that he was under the influence and you didn’t realise the damage being done in the throes of it all.
They will have seen it all before op!

You MUST go to a gum clinic today and get the lesions swabbed. Your GP will just send you to the gum clinic! The longer you leave it the greater chance they will heal and you won't be able to find out if it's herpes.

Does he do this often then if you get thrush often? Never mix church and state!

Have you now told him what he has done to you? You need to make him understand that he has done some damage and that he must never do this again.

Personally I would dump him as I would never let him near me again.

Even if it's "just" injuries like anal tears and cuts from his nails, the cuts could possibly be infected with fecal bacteria and you could develop abscesses if you leave it and worse if he's got STIs. Get yourself examined and get STI testing including herpes since you have blisters and lesions.

It sounds like your partner is sexually very careless about your wellbeing and possibly sexually abusive. Have you thought about doing the Freedom Program?

Try not to worry about it being herpes op. Its too much of a coincidence and likely its irritation thats come up as bumps. I often get little bumps when I have thrush too just because everything's so sore and horrible

Fissures can feel like sores. If you tore through the anal penetration without lube, then that would be very painful and itchy.

it can also happen if passing a particularly large stool. I wouldn’t assume it’s herpes yet

do you have any inflamed lymph nodes in your groin? That’s usually synonymous with herpes

It sounds similar to my first outbreak, it felt like paper cuts and I was just so sore in general. When I looked the cuts were circles with a more red outline, as they dried out they scabbed. Further outbreaks have never been as bad as that and I generally don’t notice having it anymore.

Bruising / trauma to the skin can bring on a herpes outbreak or make contagion more likely.

OP you don’t have to do anything today. Just go at your own pace and take the steps you feel comfortable with.
One of your later updates sounds like you weren’t drinking at all which makes me a bit more concerned for you as you weren’t numbed by alcohol but experiencing this in full.
Hope you’re ok and have someone to talk to in real life.

If fingers or a penis has been inserted from anus to vagina without thoroughly washing first, there is quite possibly infection.

Just a bit of a non update. So I've been waiting to hear from the GP surgery all day and decided to check my emails to see if the original consult had gone through. It turns out they had replied at 10.30 sending me a link to book an appointment with the GP (from today to next Monday). Unfortunately when I went to book there were no available appointments. I will call tomorrow morning.

I'm less sore today and opening my bowels isn't as painful! I've taken some more pics as it's the only way I can properly see the area and it's still red and sore looking. It's hard to work out what's going on as everything is a bit bumpy anyway!

Agree with this.

I hope you are ok and feel better soon. Ive had thrush and herpes and they can feel quite similar and also similar to injuries from rough sex or stubble rash. With herpes I often feel unwell and rundown in general and also have a tingling feeling which could be anywhere in the whole area between my knees and base of my spine. Obviously everyone is different but I think this is quite common.

Please go to the gum clinic tomorrow.

I need some calming words. I have a GP appointment at 15.45 and I'm really, really nervous. I actually feel sick. Furthermore, the response many of you have had to my post has made me worry that she will question me further and things may escalate.

Hi OP, I think MN is a great community that there are lots of posters who jump at any opportunity to “diagnose” abuse and you need to drown some of this out.

The GP will not care about the details on how this happened. They might ask some questions to check whether you are ok or if you think that you need help. But they won’t do anything further than that.
Honestly, we have all done and tried things that we later realised were a bad idea and which we didn’t want to repeat. This is one of them for you.

Just focus on why you are there. You are going to get medical treatment, not a therapy session. I hope that you will get medication that will solve the problem really soon.

And remember.. they will have seen absolutely everything a million times so please try not to be embarrassed x just find out what it is and go from there. You will know in your heart of hearts if what happened crossed a line. That’s a separate thing. For now, get a diagnosis so you can start feeling better. Then you can concentrate on what the experience was for you and what you can do from here x

sexual health clinic. you do not say age but if you are around menopause skin can be more prone to splits.
i would also like to say after leaving my ex recently due to the same kind of sexual abuse please think carefully. you say you did not make him aware he was hurting you. stop taking the blame if he was a decent person he would realise he was too rough