Soreness and potential tears after sex or could it be herpes?

[Worriedone12]

Hello all, I know this is sort of a sex question and that we have a sex board. However I'm hoping for sensible answers as I'm really worried.

Basically last Saturday DP and I had sex. He had been drinking so it went on far longer than it should have and it hurt. Sorry for tmi but he was inserting fingers into me (vaginally and anal) and it was quite rough. The anal hurt quite a bit as there was no lubrication and he kept going. However I let it happen, so I'm not blaming him for this.
The next day my bum was very sore and going to the toilet really hurt. We had sex again and my vagina was also sore and my cervix felt very sore.

From then on I was really sore. I felt really swollen down below and felt a lot of pressure. Sitting down actually hurt and I haven't really been able to wipe myself since. I think I also got thrush as I had the symptoms (I get it quite regularly) and had that sore paper cut feeling. I did take a fluconazole tablet on Thursday.

So all week it's been really sore to even sit down, feel like paper cuts everywhere.

Anyway I decided to try and take some photos because I can't actually see the area. All around my anal area I have redness (a good few cms away from actual anus as well as my perinium and anus looking swollen). I've also got what looks like some bits of broken skin. However what has worried me is that I have some spots/potential blisters? I can't really tell properly from the photo. I'm terrified I may have herpes. They aren't the obvious typical appearance but I have some small circle shaped bits of broken skin. I can also see some red bits on the swollen areas of anus but can't tell if it's a cut or tear or potential spot.

I obviously know nobody can diagnose me via the internet but wondering if anyone has any experience of this. Did you have similar symptoms after vigourous sex? Have you had herpes? I only looked on Thursday and couldn't get to the drs Fri. I will contact them tomorrow, however I'm very very nervous about what it'll mean and how it'll impact my relationship.

For context, been with my partner 10 years and completely faithful. I've never had herpes and not has he- well never seen any and he's not said he has. I know it can remain dormant etc etc but how likely is this to actually be the case and isn't it more likely he's just cheated?

You could have Anal tears or anything. I’m struggling to understand why you let him continue to be honest. I’d be more worried about that than anything. He seems to give no care to you at all. I’d leave my partner if he did that to me. It’s assault.
you need to go and see a dr or a STI clinic as soon as you can

If he’s drinking and then having sex with you in such a rough way you’re bleeding and cut and can’t sit comfortably for a week and, for some reason, you feel unable to tell him to stop and communicate a sexual boundary to him even when you’re getting no enjoyment out of it whatsoever, you have a significant DH problem…

This has actually made me feel very very uncomfortable OP

Could the circle shaped broken skin be caused by fingernails?

I do appreciate that the focus is now going to shift but that isn't what I wanted. Ultimately I didn't communicate I was sore and that's on me. I didn't realise how sore until after the fact.

I'm not sure but wouldn't have thought so. I do seem to be quite red and have a bit of a rash, so I do wonder if that's the cause of the broken skin. I've looked online and apparently it's perfectly plausible it could be irritated hair follicles or superficial abrasions. It's so hard to tell from the photo which is why I probably need to get it looked at 😥

Yes, best to get yourself to the sexual health clinic as no one here will be able to diagnose you

Please go to the GP in the morning. You could have anything from a tear to an infection.

Ps. Your husband is a piece of shit whether you spoke up or not.

I know this isn’t the reply you’re after, but I’m struggling to understand how your partner didn’t realise he was hurting you, even without you saying so.

In the 10 yrs that you’ve been together, has this ever happened before?

Did he use same finger in both snus and vagina? If so it’s possible bacteria has transferred leading to cystitis type infection and thrush. It’s possible the sores are from
friction

it’s also possible it’s something else so you should get checked out.why did you feel
you couldn’t speak up and stop it ? That’s concerning.

I assume that he used the same finger/fingers and was back and forth a lot. Hence why I'm not surprised I got thrush.

Yes it could well be herpes as you can have sores and tears.

He is a shit for doing this to you whether you told him to stop or not. Would you treat someone like that?

What a pig he is. Sorry you're in pain. Please go get checked out. And yes, it's possible it's been dormant but more likely he's cheated, given the new 'behaviour'.

Agreeing with PPs
Get to the GP or sexual health clinic to be checked
Could be lots of reasons….biggest reason that your DH can’t tell when he’s causing you pain and continued to engage roughly to a point you now have an injury.

It’s hard to tell from your post but as another pp said, it makes for uncomfortable reading that you’re either at best in a relationship with a man who couldn’t care less about your pleasure…or at worst vulnerable in a sexually abusive relationship where you feel unable to speak up. What would have happened if you’d asked him to stop?

Agree with pp that this is really disturbing. And that you need to get yourself checked out at a clinic ASAP.

I’d assume sores or cuts/injury from fingers and possibly infection due to bacteria being transferred . Is there a sexual health clinic near you?

Oh god OP that is horrible, you poor thing.

From what you describe you could have trauma / thrush / BV as a result of too rough or unhygienic actions. Sorry - no judgment but the anal stuff just needs a bit more care and thought and a willingness to deal with the necessary practicalities (washing hands etc).

That said it also is possible you’ve an STI and a full screen is never a bad idea really is it?

Gently, it sounds like you need to think about why you didn’t want to or couldn’t speak up? And assuming you want to stay with him, and if your partner is generally more considerate than this, do you think he needs some sex ed that doesn’t come from porn? You deserve better.

Whatever is up physically, a doctor will be able to help and won’t judge. GUM clinic a good call if you can get to one. The tests will be run quicker and the doc will have more time to spend with you than the gp.

echoing everhone saying get it checked out by a medic asap.

call in sick this morning if you need to.

I certainly wouldn’t rule out an STI but I think given the circumstances you’ve described it’s more likely to be friction, skin damage and bacterial/ yeast infection.
get yourself to the doctors and maybe get some nappy cream down there in the meantime for comfort.
Hugely unpopular opinion but everyone going in on the partner for being rough, this might not be a reflection of his character, he could be being clumsy if he was drunk like OP said he was, OP might like it rough, we don’t know! BUT of course OP if you weren’t enjoying it at the time and didn’t speak up then it’s definitely time for reflection as to why xx

Why is he sticking his fingers in your ass without any lubricant? Power play? I can’t imagine that feels good for anyone. And then to use those fingers on your vagina is just gross/ rude/ irresponsible.

OP, you can expect him to treat your body with respect, without having to remind him.

Like others, I find it concerning that you didn’t tell him to stop. Unless it was all wonderful and you were caught up in the moment? But I think you would have mentioned that.
What would he do if you told him to stop or refused him while drunk?
Did you consent?

Do you have a sexual health clinic with drop in sessions you can go to? Might be better than a GP. The clinic will be set up ready to test and treat.
does he know how much pain you’ve been in? Has he seen you can’t sit down etc?

Does anyone enjoy dry fingers roughly going up their arse? And then apparently then shitty fingers going up their vagina? What he did was always going to hurt OP, its not clumsy sex he ignored basic safety practices

I think its very concerning that OP didnt feel able to tell him what he was doing hurt, if he was just a bit clumsy why on earth wouldn't you say this hurts?

Hi OP,

I also suggest a visit to the GP or sexual health unit (they usually have one in each hospital). Don’t worry about feeling embarrassed because they will have seen this all before. If it’s swollen and sore it is infected and you will need medical support.

I have had tears before and it was sore for ages but never anything that looked like blisters. If it’s thrush an ointment like canesten will work but if it’s so sore you probably need a course of oral antibiotics.

I won’t comment on the possible dynamic and communication issues between you and your partner as this is not what you were asking advice for. Best of luck!

For the future, OP: a body part that has touched your anus should never go anywhere near your vulva. It is a recipe for a nasty infection. He should know that.

If the skin has been damaged then bacteria from the anus has possibly been spread causing infections. You need to get checked over by a medical professional

Why are you allowing something to continue that’s hurting you? Sex etc shouldn’t be painful, at all. If it hurts it’s time to stop.

Ime a lot of men simply dont know that to be fair. We think they do and to us it’s pretty obvious but I dont think we can assume they do, nor that if they don’t they’re some sort of abuser or whatever. I’ve had to educate a few ! But it comes down to communication and op needs to feel confident to have agency over this.

for now the immediate issue is to resolve any infections/discomfort.
after that op needs to ask herself why she didn’t communicate ( and whether there is a deeper concern in her relationship)