I have a partner of 5 years who I believed was the most perfect and innocent man.We met on a dating site and after 3 weeks of dating he moved in.I met his parents soon after.He had previously been in a 28 year relationship, 2 years of which he was banished to the spare bedroombuntil he left back to his parents and we met 6 months after.
Recently he fell asleep browsing on his phone and I discovered he was on tinder.I questioned him and he said he was not even aware that he was on that site.
This made me curious so I secretly logged into his phone.Apart from tinder he had logged onto an escort website called adultwork.
I also discovered he had enquired about sensual massages dating back to the year we met....once asked if happy afters were offered with the massage!
Last year he did chat with a girl from a dating site asking if he can share her bed!
I was heartbroken...I never suspected any of this.He is a quiet non confrintational shy man.
So with all this information,we had a discussion.Told him that I went into his phone and diacovered all this.Offerd him that if it is that he now wants something different,I am happy to let him go and enjoy his life with someone else as life is short.
We are planning to get married in 2028...it does not make sense.
He started crying,that he is angry with himself for doing all this,that he has hurt the best person who ever happened to him ,that he never met anyone of these liaisons.I asked him why he did not and he said because he realised that it was wrong.
I asked him if he has ever been with another woman since we met and he said he hadnt.I even asked him if he has any fantasies that he is not getting from home,he said no !
I told him that I loved him,has always loved and believed in him and that he shocked me by all this.He promised not to do it again and was profusely apologetic.
He has recently retired am always worried if the temptation will come back when I am at work.
He has had some health issues the past 3 years and we have been to hospital for investigations and all that....he takes regular meds.
Recently he received some good £ inheritance from his late dad and have me some which I have invested.
I used a lot of chat gpt to help me process all this.
I have been secretly in his phone here and there to monitor things and for now there is no new concerns.
I still love him but can never trust him....am in that limbo....my brain is messed up.
The thing is if I got home and find that he has left .....will not want to ever be with another man...I will devort my time to charity causes....he ticked all my boxes from the beginning.