Should we move for our son’s friendships or stay and persevere?

[dadmumplus10]

How to increase friendships and stronger connections for our son?

We are in a village / suburb location in Kent - many kids/families have grown up here or have kids here and we moved here relatively new. It's been difficult to navigate as I had PTSD after birth, so didn't make many strong connections when we first moved here and we have changed schools a bit due to our child's anxiety and not the right fit. We still don't have the best fit, cliquey and closed off... we are concerned about our child's integration.. It's very school gate / closed off etc.,

Meanwhile, I have a couple of friends whose kids are older and thriving in London schools.

They seem more inclusive, better funded and diverse; across North London and someone mentioned St Alban's - any ideas?

Question is, do we consider a move? I feel this strongly! For all of us, a fresh start could be great.. but son is just going into Year 3.. Or, do we stay put and push integration more?

Thanks in advance!

Having read your further posts, I do think moving is probably right for your family, but it's identifying the right school and area that is now the important (and most difficult!) bit.

Southwark has some more affordable areas. I would think carefully about schools in Dulwich though. There are quite literally no state schools, in the traditional sense. There are academies, religious and some free schools, but no community state schools as other boroughs usually have. It makes choice extremely limited. Bullying is rife in both primary and secondary schools and catchment areas are tight. Schools also tend to push out those that are different and although most will say they are inclusive or offer some level of SEN support, they don't. So, as I said, think about what your child is like and what they need and try to look at local forums to get an idea of potential issues.

My experience is the following.
We both came from very nice rural villages, very small towns, and moved abroad for very lucrative careers after university.

When we moved back we looked at lovely properties with land about 30 minutes from the city.
But something told me that in 15 years I had really changed and urban living was who I was now.

I thank God regularly that I went with my gut.
Large urban setting with great schools, a great mix of people open to meeting others.
I have never regretted my decision.

I have several old friends that made different choices and every single one of them, despite being really lovely women, barely survived the simmering drama of small village life.
I know I would have felt suffocated by it.

OP, listen to your gut and move. Sign him up for everything, particularly something like tennis where there will be a family vibe with all ages playing.
Good luck.

Is there another parent on the scene and careers to accommodate and locate.

St Albans is a lovely area, 30 min to St Pancras international and 8 min to Luton airport. Nice historical town. Cannot advise on the schools though.

Only move to something, not away from this school. Find a place you love that ticks the boxes and get excited about the new place. If nowhere does that, this feeling is coming from you and it's better to stay and work through it.

I know one or two parents who have moved schools multiple times for no real reason, just a grass is greener, perfectionist thing. The moving has done more harm to their child socially and anxiety wise than any of the minor things that were wrong at the previous schools. In their case, I think the DC is aware they move for him and that adds pressure, so do handle it carefully and with a positive mindset.

thanks so much all..

Where are you based? As in which city? sounds like you made great choice