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Original poster

DH always being late

126 replies

Mamma193838 · 23/08/2026 18:10

I just need to vent as I’m so annoyed at DH. He’s always been careless with time from day 1 when I met him, always late to things, underestimating how long it takes to get himself together, or not caring thinking it’s ok to have one last drink of water or do the dishes, even though he’s already late. When we go somewhere together I am the one pushing us along to get out in time, getting the kids and all their stuff ready, I just leave him to sort himself out.

Today he is taking DS to a special unique event that is only 1h long, that is organised for kids like him and he wouldn’t be able to attend otherwise. It’s a 1h drive each way. DH usually commutes an hour to work as well, and we also have other stuff going on today before the event so i knew it would be a lot of tiring driving for him and I asked repeatedly if he wanted to go, that it was ok if he didn’t, but DH assured me he wanted to take DS, so we told DS about it who was wildly excited about it. (I can’t go as have to stay with the baby at home.)

The time came to go. It’s literally pick up a bag and leave, but DH was faffing about so much at home, to the point where they were definitely going to be late. Poor DS was ready to go and just waiting for DH. They’ve just arrived 30 mins late. It’s such a waste of a journey, and such a shame that DS will only 30 mins of it - the time will fly by and it will be over. I’m SO annoyed for DS.

DH has lots of great qualities, does a lot for DC and me that I appreciate. But this is a very sore point for me.

OP posts:
PurplebudsWhitebuds · 23/08/2026 18:23

He is totally selfish. He doesn't care about any body except himself. Not even his own son.
I would find it hard to like or respect a man who treated other people, including his own child , in this way.

PrincessofWills · 23/08/2026 18:27

Stop relying on him and if he's not ready to leave at the appropriate time just get in the car and go without him. It only takes a couple of times and he'll get it.

If he doesn't then you have a selfish disrespectful arse in your life and where you want to go with that is up to you . . .

WhoTookMyGlassess · 23/08/2026 18:30

I'd stop asking, as he clearly cannot be relied on. If he asks why, I'd be honest.

OneNaiceSnail · 23/08/2026 18:33

WhoTookMyGlassess · 23/08/2026 18:30

I'd stop asking, as he clearly cannot be relied on. If he asks why, I'd be honest.

So he gets away without having to do anything at all then? Including parenting?
Op can you drive? I’d have handed him the baby and taken your son yourself

PaperMachePanda · 23/08/2026 18:34

He's a selfish prick and clearly isn't interested in things that don't directly affect him. I take it he's always on time for work which proves he can do things when he wants to and when it benefits him. When it comes to his family though, forget it.

Ick.

I'd tell him exactly what I thought of his shitty time keeping.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 23/08/2026 18:34

People are only late for things they aren’t bothered about.

SummerHols2026 · 23/08/2026 18:39

I think the question about whether he is late to work is an important one.

Pistachiocake · 23/08/2026 18:43

Is he late for work? I get that some people have jobs where timekeeping doesn't really matter, but if he has a job where you need to clock in at 9, why is it he can manage that?
Some people I know have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and say that's the reason they're always late (wonder how many comments there will be about that)-would looking at advice about this help?

Tumbler777 · 23/08/2026 18:46

Is he ever late for things he wants to do? Has he ever missed a plane ?

UnimatrixZeroOne · 23/08/2026 18:50

Don't anyone dare say ADHD.
This is just outrageously rude. I could not live with that.

UnimatrixZeroOne · 23/08/2026 18:51

Too late.

MCF86 · 23/08/2026 18:53

Pistachiocake · 23/08/2026 18:43

Is he late for work? I get that some people have jobs where timekeeping doesn't really matter, but if he has a job where you need to clock in at 9, why is it he can manage that?
Some people I know have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and say that's the reason they're always late (wonder how many comments there will be about that)-would looking at advice about this help?

I have a friend who has always struggled with time that also has ADHD... she sets herself multiple alarms to deal with it.
If he wanted to, he would!

miaCara · 23/08/2026 18:55

I was wondering about him being late for work too. I would be so cross on DSs behalf poor kid.

I know someone who actually told her own Mother the wrong start time (+1 hour) for her wedding as said Mother was similarly apt to be very late. As it was she was right on time 😏
You can either play that game although personally I think its putting it all back to you to make things run smoothly. Or give him a choice -either go and do the activity with DS at the right time or stay at home and (do a less favoured activity like cleaning the bins maybe) . I know its still treating him like a child but its your own child that matters here .

Pedant61 · 23/08/2026 18:59

I couldn't live with this but, to be fair, if he's always been like this then I don't understand why the OP married him!

mynameisblue · 23/08/2026 19:01

Is he a good father overall? Does he take care of you and your child? Does he care for you on a daily basis? Does he support you on critical stuff that happens in life?

Original poster
Mamma193838 · 23/08/2026 19:13

Pistachiocake · 23/08/2026 18:43

Is he late for work? I get that some people have jobs where timekeeping doesn't really matter, but if he has a job where you need to clock in at 9, why is it he can manage that?
Some people I know have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and say that's the reason they're always late (wonder how many comments there will be about that)-would looking at advice about this help?

He is likely neurodivergent and I’ve wondered if it might be adhd. But it’s not like he tries to build in strategies to be on time like alarms etc. He’s responsible for DS’ bedtime as well (as I do the baby’s) and sometimes it’s close and he’s not even started DS’ very long bedtime routine. I think he’s both time blind and unwilling to change. We’ve had so many conversions about this.

I think he is often not on time for work but it seems sort of flexible, ok to be 10 mins late, and he often stays late anyway so they appreciate him.

We’ve never missed a flight because we build so much time in, so leaving 10-15 mins later than we plan is fine. DH never builds in time for unforseeable events for day to day stuff. I would have planned to have a meal or snack next to the event so we are there in plenty of time but have somewhere to go. DH doesn’t plan like that, he looks at maps and that’s the time he plans to leave, and stuff happens and he’s late. Some of the stuff he takes DS to is blooming expensive so I’m literally counting the cost of each minute - and he’s late every week. It’s like he can’t conceive that things could get in the way, like kids being kids or he can’t find his stuff or whatever.

OP posts:
LizandDerekGoals · 23/08/2026 19:16

mynameisblue · 23/08/2026 19:01

Is he a good father overall? Does he take care of you and your child? Does he care for you on a daily basis? Does he support you on critical stuff that happens in life?

Edited

How can he when he is causing this much stress over the basics?

op, he deliberately made your child miss half an event. What did you say to him?

Original poster
Mamma193838 · 23/08/2026 19:19

mynameisblue · 23/08/2026 19:01

Is he a good father overall? Does he take care of you and your child? Does he care for you on a daily basis? Does he support you on critical stuff that happens in life?

Edited

Yes he’s good for the important stuff and I know this is him and I can’t change him so it’s more a rant than anything. It mattered less before kids - having kids adds time onto everything so we cant just pick up our phones and wallets and go, there’s so much prep with small children. I will talk to him about it again and how disappointing it is that DS only got half his time but I doubt anything will change.

Sorry for mentioning ADHD. I do think he is time blind though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamma193838 · 23/08/2026 19:24

LizandDerekGoals · 23/08/2026 19:16

How can he when he is causing this much stress over the basics?

op, he deliberately made your child miss half an event. What did you say to him?

Show quote history

I don’t think it was deliberate, so much that he couldn’t see that it’s a 1h journey, and it’s now 45 mins before the event starts, so he’s already missed 15 mins and every minute he spends drinking a glass of water at home or having an extended goodbye to the baby is a minute less at the event. We have clocks everywhere but he’s not looking at them until it’s too late. I was try to jog him along without nagging about every minute ticking by.

He was also looking for something essential for the event 10 minutes before he had to leave and predictably he couldn’t find it. He knew he needed it, was talking about it the night before, he always forgets where he puts it, why he didn’t think to get it out last night I don’t know.

OP posts:
LizandDerekGoals · 23/08/2026 19:31

Mamma193838 · 23/08/2026 19:24

I don’t think it was deliberate, so much that he couldn’t see that it’s a 1h journey, and it’s now 45 mins before the event starts, so he’s already missed 15 mins and every minute he spends drinking a glass of water at home or having an extended goodbye to the baby is a minute less at the event. We have clocks everywhere but he’s not looking at them until it’s too late. I was try to jog him along without nagging about every minute ticking by.

He was also looking for something essential for the event 10 minutes before he had to leave and predictably he couldn’t find it. He knew he needed it, was talking about it the night before, he always forgets where he puts it, why he didn’t think to get it out last night I don’t know.

Show quote history

I was try to jog him along without nagging about every minute ticking by.
wtf? Id have told him in no uncertain terms he was being a dick. And to get in the car.

do you find him attractive? It sounds like you are gentle parenting a toddler.

Original poster
Mamma193838 · 23/08/2026 19:44

I mentioned the context - that he generally has a long commute to work (the journey to the event was essentially his commute + 15 mins) so he could have said no on a Sunday night but he wanted DS to be able to go. And also we had a lot going on today and he was fantastic, did a lot for me unasked.

I EBF our baby btw which is why I couldn’t hop in the car and take DS myself.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/08/2026 19:44

What do you get out of this relationship now?. Is this really the model of a relationship you want to show your kids?.

You may well be wide of the mark here re neurodivergence and besides which he has not been formally diagnosed.

He is dragging you and your kids down with him.

LizandDerekGoals · 23/08/2026 19:47

Mamma193838 · 23/08/2026 19:44

I mentioned the context - that he generally has a long commute to work (the journey to the event was essentially his commute + 15 mins) so he could have said no on a Sunday night but he wanted DS to be able to go. And also we had a lot going on today and he was fantastic, did a lot for me unasked.

I EBF our baby btw which is why I couldn’t hop in the car and take DS myself.

can you give specific examples of what he did unasked that was so fantastic? Because i am here assuming it is being a basic adult…

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/08/2026 19:50

Your relationship bar re him is pitifully low. You cannot change him but you can certain change how you react to him.

FloofyKat · 23/08/2026 19:59

My ex was like this. Always late. It infuriated me. I felt it was disrespectful, particularly if we were visiting family or friends. I got into the habit of telling him we needed to be there at X o’clock …. seemed like the only way we could be sure of actually arriving on time. My family got the measure of him and made sure to give him an earlier time, while telling me the real time!