Was my husband out of line to shout at my family?

[Tina6458]

My nieces stayed over as I took them to see the Weeknd on Sunday at Wembley.They are in their early 20s and are in summer holidays. We got back late and they went to sleep around 2 am - they stayed in the same room so I guess they were chatting late. My two boys 5&6 woke up early- 6.30am and were watching tv and then building lots of mess around the house . They were excited to wake their cousins up with they did at 10.30 ish - and sort of all hung out in the bed having cuddles with the older girl cousins . The girls are on their own time but I had to hurry them out of the house because I thought wed go for lunch. The house was a bit of a Bomb sight bc the boys had made a mess and one of them had had 3 breakfasts . I was also aware my cleaner was coming at 3ish. We went out for the day. My cleaner texted to say she couldn’t come today. Fast forward 5.30pm we get home and as soon as DH sees my nieces he shouts at them that they had left a mess in the house , that they’re clothes were all over the place ( jackets on a chair in the kitchen ). ‘ do you go to someone else’s house and leave a mess ?! All in s very aggressive elevated tone.
He feels he was in the right to do this because he’s teaching them manners.

I'm more horrified at leaving such a mess for a cleaner to sort out but yes of course he is in the wrong.

How is shouting at people 'manners' that need to be taught?

Not okay. How did you react?

I suspect he was more annoyed at you for not keeping things in check and coming back from work to all that mess?

Well obviously he’s out of line shouting at them.
But surely you immediately stepped in and said “it wasn’t them, it was the boys…” at which he sheepishly apologised and then made the boys tidy up?

Also, three breakfasts? Were they all eaten? If the first two were wasted, who is in your house, Goldilocks?

And what happened when you told him that it was actually his own kids that had made the mess?

It’s very alarming how aggressive your DH was to your adult nieces and how he thinks it’s his place to “teach them manners” particularly when it sounds like much of the mess was your own children.

Ironic that he displayed his own bad manners to teach others manners......

“Marroon · Today 08:11
It’s very alarming how aggressive your DH was to your adult nieces and how he thinks it’s his place to “teach them manners” particularly when it sounds like much of the mess was your own children.”

This with bells on. I wonder if he’d be so quick to throw his weight around with young men. Or people his own age.

Your poor cleaner.

Aww, it sounds like they had a lovely time! If it's only a one off there was no need for shouting, mess can soon be put right. Life's really too short to worry about these things. As far as the cleaner's concerned, an apology and a bit of extra money would probably have been appreciated. It's a family home, not a show house.

Early 20s? Summer holidays?

Fair enough if they're 21 but I had a mortgage at 22!!

F*ck that, I doubt your nieces will come and stay again and what a way to sour what was probably a lovely time. What horrible behaviour from your husband, as someone else has said I bet he wouldn't have been so aggressive to others. A mess can be tidied up but it will take a lot to repair how they feel about him.

Your husband would never have dared do this if your nieces had been male. He’s shown his true colours as a nasty, aggressive misogynist.

Are you trying to suggest a degree isn’t a valid life choice?

The cleaner cancelled so there's no problem there.

What does ‘having a mortgage’ have to do with anything? (Well done you 🙄) Did you never have time off? Spend time with family?

He needs to chill a bit .......

They won't rush back again then!

Chill?? He needs to spend some time in a freezer!

Great for you, but what decade what that? I certainly couldn't have afforded a mortgage the year I left Uni or within a few years of it. and even when I had a decent job, I was allowed annual leave. perhaps they're teachers or TAs or still in education. Perhaps they're enjoying the freedom of being young?

Yes he was out of line. How did you respond?

He basically bullied your nieces. I hope you exploded at him.

Most people who have a degree have it at 20/21 years old.... Myself included

Sounds like a huge over reaction.
Were there clothes all over the place you said "jackets on a chair in the kitchen" why on earth is that messy. Does he normally have a problem with anything out of place.

Lectures finished in the May, I spent 6 months having a great time with family and friends then started working to build a life 😁

Today there's less push to start work and move out because everything is so expensive clearly