With new boyfriend for 10 months ish. All going OK, some "teething problems", as he put it. We've fallen out but always sorted it out. Won't go into the falling outs here, if at all, not sure they are all that relevant to the issue at hand, but are definitely now more at the forefront of my mind since he said this.
I've been staying at his house since Saturday night. It kind of just happened, I had today off work, also have tomorrow off. He's at work but is usually back by 4 pm. I'm part-time carer to my elderly mother, she's 88, and spend a lot of time helping her, arranging appointments, sorting out groceries and meals. Lost Dad a few years ago so she is very much alone as my siblings are miles away and never call or make an effort. It's all on me. I always call her twice a day at least.
Not even sure the carer part is relevant, just for background.. I do share a lot of my concerns and the situation with him though and there has been a lot of stress around it all lately, so I'm aware I might be taking up his time talking about it and/or adding to his stress. He is usually very supportive, a good listener, lots of hugs and very practical wanting to help me as much as he can as he drives and I don't. Today I was upset and again, he was, as ever, supportive. The conversation kind of went from Mum, my duties and stresses, the good and the bad, and he said how important it is to have a supportive and kind partner.
Then it flowed into his job, how he feels he never has time to develop himself in terms of his own personal interests, which are painting, sculpture, Open University, quite a few things. He mentions this a LOT. He has his hands full, pending house move, he is buying somewhere nice to go though next month and I have helped him a lot with the paperwork. He's also helping his adult children with their grandchildren, but different stressors. Caring for elderly frail parents is something else. But on the theme of never enough time, he mentioned his grandchildren, his job.... and then he said... "relationships, of course, they take up a lot of time.".
It really stung, I noticed he quickly said "well I don't mean you personally, but any relationship I have been in has taken up my time." I offered to give him space to do his things that are so important to him and that maybe we do spend too much time together, it's usually a once a week stay over, one or two nights. He insisted he didn't want that.
It was just the way it came out. He's gone to bed now, I'm sitting here wondering whether I've been too sensitive given the issues with my Mum and maybe oversharing with him. My gut feeling is to back off a bit. I need a lot of time alone myself but I wouldn't have expressed myself the way he did.
Just feel like going home.