Boyfriend said love you by accident, should I mention it?

[Titchyglitch]

Hi I’m looking for some female perspectives on a situation that happened last night. I’m torn between following my gut to just treat it as a funny, isolated incident, or if I should actually address it.

My boyfriend (48M) and I (45F) have been together for a few months. We both have our own places, busy independent lives, and see each other a few days a week. Honestly, everything is going incredibly well. We’ve met each other’s friends, have fun together, and speak most days without any pressure or heavy expectations.

In the beginning, he was very vocal about how much he liked me. That slowed down a bit, but recently on a very romantic date (with a bit of wine involved), we both confessed we felt like we were falling for each other. We haven't brought that up since, just enjoying life.

He went out for a work do last night, had a few drinks, and called me on his walk home. It was a really fun, entertaining call and he was cracking me up. When he got home, he said he was heading to bed and signed off with: “Love you, night.”

Because he’d been drinking, it sounded maybe like muscle memory or autopilot, so I just laughed. I wasn't about to say it back in that context. But he quickly, panicked and went, “OH FUCK.”

He didn’t hang up, but he started stuttering, got super awkward, and mumbled, “Ok, well, good night.”

My instinct is to not mention it again and just pass it off as an amusing drunken slip. We already know we are happy, so maybe it's not that deep? But his panic reaction makes me wonder if I should be reading more into it!

How would you read this? Should I leave it alone or does the "Oh Fuck" reaction warrant a casual chat when he's sober? Part of me would rather not know the truth!

I think the previous ILY and OF comments are playing on his mind.As they are playing on yours.
You had an opportunity to bring it up in the follow on phone call; you told him he was funny ,he asked you what he was saying?,
He wants clarity and a response from you.
Your making him feel a bit exposed and vulnerable I guess??He s used ' love' 3 times now.
If you want this relationship to continue I d use an appropriate moment to tell him how you feel too.
Do you have problems showing affection and telling people how you feel??
Title of your post is about him saying he loves you, not his off had ( likely embarrassed)remark afterwards when he didn t get an appropriate response from you.

I knew he didn't. He was very giddy. He was not used to being in a loving relationship. He didn't say no I don't love you, but the relief on his face was clear. We saw each other for about 6 months after that and had some happy times

You’re over thinking it

People say it all the time nowadays when they're saying goodbye. It means very little at all. Just forget about it.

I wouldn’t mention it. I would assume he’s just a bit immature, and note that for the future. Otherwise, for me, it’d be an eye roll and balls in his court scenario.

He was probably testing the waters wanting an i love you back. I would ta

Gently OP, you sound incredibly difficult.

Perhaps you’re just not ready for a relationship right now.

You had a lovely dinner out and you were on MN moaning about the lack of attention.

It’s not going to be ripping each others clothes off and having sex in every room of the house forever.
Things settle down and watching a movie and scrolling on your phone becomes the norm.

It sounds as though you want more drama and more teenage type of stuff but most men (and women) at your ages are going to be past all that and be more sensible.

Surely in your 40s you'd know after a few weeks whether you love someone? I don't think it's early days in that respect. I'm struggling to see why it's such a big deal, it's not a marriage proposal. I'd find it quite unattractive to be with someone who was unable to be straightforward about their feelings or embarrassed / awkward to say they love me.

I think he drinks too much.

So what's the problem? Do you love him if not then why are you even together

If it's more of a "him issue" then why are you thinking about it at all? Stop doing emotional labour for the guy. If he feels he needs to get something off his chest, then he should be the one agonising over whether this needs discussing. You just go about your life as normal.

Take hold of your right hand, grasp your left wrist, and very kindly, get a grip

As I said in my OP I am under a lot of other personal stress in my life at present. I don’t think this helps my mindset very much when I am tired and a lack of sleep. I take on board I was over thinking things too much.

We did talk some stuff through and he knows I’ve been over thinking and under stress and he’s supportive and practical. We have had a nice day together and he asked to book a future holiday, go to a gig and we have a holiday coming up in 8 weeks, so I can safely assume he’s still planning on being with me next year 😆 and I just need to remind myself of this at a late night worry session. I also saw him looking at photos of me on his phone earlier

He’s been taking a weight loss jab recently and he says it’s killed off his sex drive a bit, so he told me he’s stopped injecting it, I am going to see how that goes. I think his general apathy towards sex recently after a strong start didn’t make me feel great about myself but we have talked it through and it’s all good between us.

We do have a calm relationship but it’s not lovey dovey and soppy and we are still getting to know each other this will take time. I don’t think either of us are naturally inclined to romance. We enjoy each others company and can often talk and laugh for hours so I think it’s based on companionship than intensity.

I have been thinking about saying I love you and I think love is something you feel from the other person, then reciprocate back to them, it is in actions as anyone can say any old words can’t they - it’s how it comes across to you that’s important

If he ever says it I will let you all know 😆

Just carry on as you are happy dont think twice about it ... he likes you be happy with that x

But ‘in the moment’ can only last so long surely - do you want anything more serious / long term with him or not?

Its been a few months. Its fine

@Greenwriter76 we are going on holiday in 8 weeks, have a weekend away booked later in the year and he just asked me to book another trip in Feb and then look at next years holiday. We are also talking about joining the same gym and starting going together. We just don’t seem to talk about if we love each other 😆

I know some people like to hear the words, 'I love you' but really, actions are far more valuable than words.

He clearly does love you and would be nice if you said it back! No need for it to be awkward, it's normal, help him out OP! Sounds like a wonderful relationship xx

Ahh all sounds good then. He loves you!
If it were me I’d bring it up in a playful / jokey way and see what he says and if he confirms, just to open up that way of talking a bit… but if not your style you could just say it back casually like he did when you feel ready.
You never know, he may mention it first!

So you doubled down on laughing at his declaration of love for you by explicitly classifying it as “very funny”?

No wonder he’s trying to pretend he doesn’t remember…

No he said other things which is why I was laughing in the first place.

I felt some peer pressure after this thread though I tell you 😆 I’ve slept on this and tbh maybe I would be better off throwing it out there.

I am going on holiday tomorrow (without him) and I might just send a nice lovey type message to him before I get on the plane, and then if it doesn’t go how I expect, I won’t know for a few hours and if needed I can drown my sorrows in my all inclusive hotel round the pool in the sunshine 😆

Although I do love him and want to be with him we are still getting to know each other and I am prone to overthinking, we are still working each other out.

I can only hope he has good intentions, is a good person, will respect me and is going to treat me well but nothing is guaranteed. Everyone puts on their best behaviour when they are trying to impress someone and I can be included in that.

We only live once, I might just take the risk and put myself out there and be vulnerable (which is an uncomfortable feeling) because obviously it’s playing on my mind and someone has to be the brave one.

If he doesn’t respond how I would like, then it is what it is and at least I was honest and acted with my integrity!

someone has to be the brave one

Aye, it was him! Glad to hear you’re planning to catch up though.

I will be sober 😉

You love someone and still be getting to know them.

You can love someone and it still all fall apart.

You seem to want a lot of conditions and caveats op. Nothing is guaranteed, ever.

He has already been brave. You told us he's used the word several times.

If you say something like - 'Just getting on the plane. We'll talk while I'm away of course but I wanted to say I'll miss you and I love you x' - I bet he'll be absolutely THRILLED.