Boyfriend said love you by accident, should I mention it?

[Titchyglitch]

Hi I’m looking for some female perspectives on a situation that happened last night. I’m torn between following my gut to just treat it as a funny, isolated incident, or if I should actually address it.

My boyfriend (48M) and I (45F) have been together for a few months. We both have our own places, busy independent lives, and see each other a few days a week. Honestly, everything is going incredibly well. We’ve met each other’s friends, have fun together, and speak most days without any pressure or heavy expectations.

In the beginning, he was very vocal about how much he liked me. That slowed down a bit, but recently on a very romantic date (with a bit of wine involved), we both confessed we felt like we were falling for each other. We haven't brought that up since, just enjoying life.

He went out for a work do last night, had a few drinks, and called me on his walk home. It was a really fun, entertaining call and he was cracking me up. When he got home, he said he was heading to bed and signed off with: “Love you, night.”

Because he’d been drinking, it sounded maybe like muscle memory or autopilot, so I just laughed. I wasn't about to say it back in that context. But he quickly, panicked and went, “OH FUCK.”

He didn’t hang up, but he started stuttering, got super awkward, and mumbled, “Ok, well, good night.”

My instinct is to not mention it again and just pass it off as an amusing drunken slip. We already know we are happy, so maybe it's not that deep? But his panic reaction makes me wonder if I should be reading more into it!

How would you read this? Should I leave it alone or does the "Oh Fuck" reaction warrant a casual chat when he's sober? Part of me would rather not know the truth!

I'd pay more attention if he was saying it when you were both sober......

IME alcohol is a truth serum. Just enjoy it!

Maybe the 'love you!' was just a throwaway comment, and the 'oh fuck' was because he realised that you'd start analysing it to death?

Maybe he wanted to say it but felt awkward making a big heartfelt declaration and wanted to see your reaction first. Or maybe it was a slip. But I doubt it. Anyway he sounds nice, hope it works out well :)

Yeh I don't think it has to be a deep moment tbh. If you feel it, say it! You could have even laughed and then said 'love you too'. And that would get it out the way and done and then you could both go on your merry way knowing you're in love with each other. That would be nice.

You love him.

He probably loves you.

Just tell him you love him, because you do.

If he says it back- fabulous.

If he doesnt, oh dear, but at least you know, which is good because then you can deal with that however you feel best.

This is something I learnt in my 20's and its served me really well.

There is no shame in loving someone.

I would not harp on this. I had a relationship where things were going well but he was more invested than me. He told me he loved me. I was gobsmacked as we agreed things were going to be at my pace. This was on video call. I managed to say something complimentary/appreciative but did not say it back. Was difficult. A few months after we had a conversation where I said I knew he didn't love me, that he loved being with me. That was a 15m of uncomfortable chat, cleared the air and we continued seeing each other.

This.
Don't be coy. If you feel it, say it. You laughing might have made him feel he;d said too much. But you are falling for him too.

Ouch! So he told you he loved you, and you told him he actually didn't? Did this end well?

At least you didn't say thank you like I did when my boyfriend said it for the 1st time 😂In my defence I wasn't expecting it, had been widowed for 8 years and and it totally confused me hearing a man say it, and not one of my kids or my mum.
I said months later when I was ready to say it, thankfully he didn't say thank you and we still laugh about it now 14 years later.

I accidentally told my previous DP that I loved him while in the midst of passion the first night we met! It was absolutely alcohol + muscle memory from saying it to XH during sex. He obviously took it as intended, that I loved what we were doing in that moment and not him per se. I was mortified and even when I did love him I couldn’t bring myself to say it in case it skewed the balance too much, so I used to whisper it silently into his armpit while we were hugging 😂

Also with current DP, I told him I loved him while we were laying in bed together. He said “I don’t know what to say to that, shall I jump out of the window!?” I like to bring that one up fairly regularly! He did tell me he loved me too the next day I think, it just came as a shock to him.

Ignore it for now. It will become clear how he really feels about you (and about what he said) when you see him next.

FWIW “love you bye” has become a bit of a throw away phrase these days and as lots of people have said on this thread, it sometimes just pops out when someone - plumber, gas man, phone appointments etc says goodbye! It’s not that deep.

OP I think try not to overthink it.

isn’t this the way it’s meant to go, in that you fall in love with each other.

just go back to enjoying it & when the moment is right it will be said

Genuinely the I love you wasn’t the issue, it was the OH FUCK panic reaction that has struck me.

He has said ‘love you bye’ at the end of a drunk phone call once before, and he’s also said once when he’s been falling asleep too and both of those times I just smiled to myself and thought ‘ah bless him’ he’s obviously just very relaxed/sleepy/happy

I wouldnt read too much into it. Love you, night is just a stock phrase that many people use. I say it to pretty much everyone at the end of a night out. So it may be that the 'oh fuck' was just that he realised that he'd said something that could be misinterpreted. If you've not said I love you before its a really breezy way to say it so sounds more like a phrase hes used to using. It sounds like youre both having fun and the relationship is progressing well so I wouldn't overthink it and definitely wouldn't bring it up as a serious conversation

His oh fuck comment is a response to him being vulnerable. He feels exposed. He's said it several times before you say and you don't reciprocate.
So I would just say it at this point. Properly when you're sober.
While you're cooking dinner, when you're walking. Whatever. Just a 'I love you Dave/babe/whatever'. Smile , move on.

This 100%

I think he probably said “oh fuck” because he told you he loved you and you laughed at him? And he’s told you several other times and you’ve said nothing back? I think you are massively overthinking this, either ignore it or tell him you love him too. Don’t make it awkward by trying to dissect him feeling embarassed

Yeah you're kind of being an arsehole op. You don't HAVE to say it back - but why wouldn't you? - but don't laugh at him.

It is so weird that you are thinking the “oh fuck” refers to him saying something he didn’t mean and wishes he could unsay, rather than the Oh Fuck she doesn’t want to hear it yet and now it will all be weird.

have the damn conversation because if you don’t the conclusion is “Well I said it, but she didn’t kick into the open goal because she’s just not that into me”. You need to step up here OP.

Yeah it’s got weird now. I don’t know how to explain, but twice he’s been drunk when I am sober and I wasn’t expecting it, it was just a throwaway phrase at the end of a call. Plus I don’t even know if he remembers it.
this is why I didn’t respond.

The time he was falling sleep was similar, he was pretty much asleep and mumbled love you night, he likely wouldn’t have heard me I’m not even sure we were hugging at the time either.

So from my side I get a few random throwaway comments out of the blue but nothing specific to work with here 😂

I will say it back if it ever happens again but the oh fuck response has put me off a bit

You are contributing to it being weird.

If you want the conversation, have the conversation.

But if you don’t, why wouldn’t you just keep enjoying what you are doing?

Why don't you just say it properly, sober?
You say you love him, so why not tell him?

what?

What can you say? It would just make it more awkward. You just forget it happened and move on. Don't let it bother you. It sounds like you're having a great time with him so just continue as you were.