Boyfriend said love you by accident, should I mention it?

[Titchyglitch]

Hi I’m looking for some female perspectives on a situation that happened last night. I’m torn between following my gut to just treat it as a funny, isolated incident, or if I should actually address it.

My boyfriend (48M) and I (45F) have been together for a few months. We both have our own places, busy independent lives, and see each other a few days a week. Honestly, everything is going incredibly well. We’ve met each other’s friends, have fun together, and speak most days without any pressure or heavy expectations.

In the beginning, he was very vocal about how much he liked me. That slowed down a bit, but recently on a very romantic date (with a bit of wine involved), we both confessed we felt like we were falling for each other. We haven't brought that up since, just enjoying life.

He went out for a work do last night, had a few drinks, and called me on his walk home. It was a really fun, entertaining call and he was cracking me up. When he got home, he said he was heading to bed and signed off with: “Love you, night.”

Because he’d been drinking, it sounded maybe like muscle memory or autopilot, so I just laughed. I wasn't about to say it back in that context. But he quickly, panicked and went, “OH FUCK.”

He didn’t hang up, but he started stuttering, got super awkward, and mumbled, “Ok, well, good night.”

My instinct is to not mention it again and just pass it off as an amusing drunken slip. We already know we are happy, so maybe it's not that deep? But his panic reaction makes me wonder if I should be reading more into it!

How would you read this? Should I leave it alone or does the "Oh Fuck" reaction warrant a casual chat when he's sober? Part of me would rather not know the truth!

I will say it back if it ever happens again

Why are you playing this silly game?

You could have just 'joked' back 'love you, too!' And added the oh, fuck...' if you so wished.

'I love you' is what it is. You don't need to be standing under an apple tree with blossom falling around you for it to be taken for what it is.

He sounds a bit needy and overemotional really, I would throw this one back before he starts crying every time you want to go out for a night with the girls.

Grow up op. Stop playing games.

You're being cold and weird and he's likely also thinking you're cold - hence only saying it after a few beers for plausible deniability. He's worried you won't say it back - which you aren't!

Poor bloke.

Oh fuck off what bollocks.

Agree with this. Fuck Off with that bollocks, and when you get there take a look at your shitty personality and try to improve it.

The part of your psyche driving you to say that is fucked in the head, and you will ruin every important relationship with that frankly disgusting attitude.

If OP agrees with you we can only hope he throws her back in first.

Are you 12? Why would this be a big deal? And what’s all this ‘falling for you’ shit? You’re either in love or you’re not.

Just leave it alone. I’ve said love you to my boss before on the phone.

I think being nervous is different to being cold. I also show him with my actions how much he means to me and I don’t think he would ever think I am cold hearted or unfeeling 😆

I don’t know where we are there yet with this discussion it’s still early days in and it’s because he’s been drunk that it puts a different slant on it from my perspective

I am actually fine with however long it might take to say this to each other, I would rather not rush in

It’s not the falling in love part I was concerned about, it was that he panicked and I wasn’t sure why. There are a range of responses about why so I am still not totally clear

I’ve said that to colleagues by accident. I’d leave it.

And he might prefer words to actions.

Can you comprehend he might do and show things differently to you? It doesn't seem so from your response.

Also, try talking to him.

Have you had a relationship before?

I always tell people that I love them when I’m drunk.

If it was to a bf that I’d only been dating for a few months then I’d panic too!

Sounds like it was just a slip of the tongue and doesn’t need a conversation, he likely won’t even remember saying it.

A slip of the tongue is when you say what you would normally fight not to say.

He means it.

You love him too.

When you’re together tonight just say “you know I love you too right?”

Someone has to say it first and the relationship is great from everything you’ve said. You know he loves you too so he isn’t going to run a mile!

No idea why you didn't just say it back. You've made him feel shit for no reason.

Yes of course I have had a relationship 😆

He was quite drunk, I don’t think he’s going to be offended as he panicked immediately and wanted to get off the call, he was not looking for me to respond, in fact the opposite in recollection. It’s not like there was any prolonged silence he was like OH FUCK well ok well good night see you tomorrow byeeee

Usually in my past relationships this is a point that comes up when you are cuddling or kissing or you have had a lovely romantic time together, and it just comes out naturally. I suppose I would expect that to be normal not a sit down chat I can’t imagine anything more cringy and awkward

Well, none of those relationships worked out, so...

I’ve spoken to him, I said oh you was very funny last night! He said I can’t remember, what did I say. I recalled some of the funny things he was saying and doing that made me laugh and he said ‘I can’t remember anything!’

so I am leaving it there because either he can’t remember or he doesn’t want me to bring it up

You're both mid-late forties and have been dating for months and acting like this over a simple 'I love you'? Goodness gracious me, ridiculous.

He remembers perfectly well.

Is there any chance his ‘oh fuck’ was unrelated to your conversation, and given his drunkenness could have been to do with some mishap at the same time as talking to you?

You're playing games and being insincere. I just don't understand why, given that you're in a relationship with him and you know you actually love him.

Yeah I don’t know I do try not to over think things but something is stopping me taking the plunge

We had a nice evening and dinner out, have come back to his and he’s just scrolling on his phone watching a movie and I feel like maybe I’m boring company. We’ve also not had sex much lately. there isn’t really much opportunity for that kind of discussion he seems distracted. Maybe the honeymoon period is over prematurely unfortunately!

I’ve said I love you to work colleagues when getting off the phone. Sometimes it just happens. I wouldn’t dwell on it. Unless you feel like you want to say it.

Perhaps he felt super awkward because you laughed. It sounds like his feelings for you are deeper than yours are for him. If you live someone you normally know pretty quickly. I get not trying to rush into things but not saying it back is a bit cold.

I think if you had a lovely evening out together then you’re both just chilling on the couch watching a film, him having a scroll on his phone isn’t too much of an issue. I certainly wouldn’t take it as him thinking you’re boring or bad company.

it’s more likely that he’s feeling more relaxed and comfortable and letting his guard down a bit more.

it seems that within the space of a day your posts have gone from gushing about how incredible he is and how he shows he loves you via his actions (which is apparently enough for you. To you sounding a bit pissed off and fed up with him and there being issues in your sex life. Which is it?