Am I overreacting to this note from my husband's colleague?

[ElizaD81]

A year and a half ago a (married) woman joined the company my DH works at. They quickly struck up a close friendship. It made me a bit uneasy but I tried to ignore it. I trust him and he’s never shown me any reason not to.
Yesterday I was washing some winter coats and I found a little note she had written to him. It was about a page long and said ‘you brighten my day whenever I’m with you’ and ‘our coffees together are the nicest part of my day’ ‘I’m so glad to have met you XX’.
I asked him about this and he brushed it off. ‘She’s just a friend and I’m being old fashioned’. We’ve always both been relaxed about our friends of the opposite sex but this feels different and in truth it’s really playing on my mind and unsettling me. I’ve told him this but he shrugs it off.
We’ve been together for 18 pretty happy years. I’ve been hurt a long time ago in a previous relationship so worried I’m projecting this. This note has really worried me. Just don’t know what to think!

Does anybody have a link to The Script? That will be next.

Tell her husband and see what he thinks

@ElizaD81 I hope you’re ok. I’m guessing it will be overwhelming to have tried to convince yourself that your husband’s story made sense and then to see this thread.

YANBU. Dont be brushed off. You need a satisfactory and honest explanation here.

Just send the note to her husband. She can explain it. And I think there is more to this as he is letting on. I am sorry you are going through this OP.

If OP comes back, I’d like you to know more about washing winter coats

I usually buy some washer and re-waterproofer stuff from a camping and outdoor shop, and wash them in the machine ( according to washing instructions). It can be a two stage process - wash then re-proof. I guess op is taking advantage of this hot weather to wash and dry the coats.

@Silverbirchleaf thank you 🙏

What are the tell tale signs? I can spot the odd journalist fishing for stuff but otherwise I’m clueless!

“He said he didn’t show me because he didn’t see any reason too and it was all innocent, just a nice note.”

In that case, surely he wouldn’t have any objection to your sending it to her DH? I mean, it’s all innocent .🚩🚩🚩

@ElizaD81
Don't know why you're asking
They both would
And are edging towards it
Only question is,
What will you do now?

Respect to @ImpossibleGermany

I don’t mean to upset you, but I don’t like the sound of that. If there isn’t something going on now, there may well be in the future.

Invite her and her husband round as your husband and her are such good friends

Congratulate her husband on how terribly modern he is having a wife who is so close to your husband that she writes him page long love notes and he hasn’t batted an eye

Your dh says it is all very modern.

How does he do it because you are struggling about how old fashioned you must appear

Then let the fireworks begin.

I think you need to really sit down with him and spell out that even if not an affair, emotionally it sounds like it is way off side. But crushes happen and it’s redeemable. He needs to protect your marriage by taking a step back from this friendship. From that I mean - not EVER being alone with her and him thinking about how he might be feeding this friendship and what he can do to take a step back from
maybe the brink. Never give himself the chance to step over into an affair. But if it’s a mutual crush, it has got a good chance of passing over in time. But you’ve got to get him to talk to you.

ALARM BELLS! even if he's too naive to admit it, SHE knows exactly what she's upto!!!

Like you say you have both had friends of the opposite sex, but this feels different. This is the important and pertinent point. Trust your gut!

This would wind me up so much. Have you met her? Do you know her husband? How would your DH feel if you had gotten a note from a male colleague saying this?
It’s inappropriate and overstepping.
Im not sure what you should do next except tell him it makes you really uncomfortable. Have you had anything else that feels off?

The woman is definitely in to him. I see some threads on here that are overly suspicious and I think people are quick to jump to say someone's having an affair but even for me, that note is inappropriate. There could be a few explanations.

1. He is very naive and doesn't realise she is in to him. You would probably have an idea of he is that type of person. Misses social cues? Lacks confidence and thinks no one would be interested in him?

1. He is having an affair.

1. He knows it's inappropriate but wants to keep the peace and/or enjoys the attention.

One thing I'd say is that he can't be that into her if the love letter has been sat in his coat for months. Also, if you usually do his washing he'd perhaps be more careful with hiding/discarding it.

Unless you have form for being jealous and/or paranoid, and he has form for hiding things like this from you, then I think his response here confirms that you are right to be suspicious (because nobody who describes that as 'innocent, just a nice note' is being honest).

I can’t ever imagine writing s note like this to a colleague

its so blatantly a come on

How do you know she's married?
He said that?

Take a photo/ keep the note in case you need it

fell your husband its not a friendly note. It’s the start of an affair