Husband calling other women love after previous boundary issues

[Hol36]

We’ve had problems with my husband inappropriately texting other women in the past one instance is it getting very over friendly with him and his friends widow after his friend had died. We had dealt with that and moved on but I noticed recently that he calls women he doesn’t know Love eg women serving him etc and it makes me feel disrespected especially given our history. I’ve not bought it up with him as I feel tired of having to have these conversations with him

To assune that your husband should jump to your demands regarding a single word taken out of context is patronising, demeaning and bullying. Would he be allowed to dictate how she spoke to someone? It may be considered 'common' by those who are too grand to use it but it is a word regularly, there are many more similar terms all over the country.

Ooh spot the southerners on this thread hey!

I work with a lady who calls everybody love, in a conversation she'll say it dozens of times, friendliest lady you'll ever meet. I think you can tell if someone is saying it just part of their dialogue or if someone is using it in a patronising way.

Either way I think you've got deeper issues than your DH calling random strangers love OP

Where he from? Perfectly normal where I'm from, and common in the 'often used' sense. Spoken by men and women to both men and women

Perhaps he is one of those infuriating men who addresses every woman as love because they assume we like it.

I personally wouldn’t be with a man that calls women love. But in some walks of life some men do. I don’t think any woman actually likes it but like with a lot of male behaviour women tolerate it.

Did he do this when you met him? Is it something he has recently started doing? You say you have recently noticed, so he didn’t do it before. Why the change?

You can’t stop him doing it, but you are within your rights to let him know that you find it inappropriate.

You say you are fed up of having this kind of conversation with him, I understand, it must be tiresome. You also have a communication problem. Communication is a fundamental part of a successful relationship.

This is really common where I live so I'd see this as a non issue. The messaging other women and the friends widow is different.

I call everyone love and nobody has ever reacted negatively to it. But I do understand the mumsnet world is very different to my physical reality, so...

I like being called love, darling, sweetheart by vendors. It's just friendly and I don't find it patronising. Men and women use it, especially some of the market stallholders. I couldn't get worked up if my partner was using this.

I call everyone lovey, honey or duck. It don't mean nowt duck, its just a colloquialism.

Everyone is stuck on the love thing but I want to know more about the widow situation. Considering op thinks random "love" is disrespectful to her, I am assuming "overly friendly" was just emotional support because he lost friend and she lost husband.

This is your issue to deal with.

Lots of people call each other love.
It’s friendly, not sexual.

You cannot police words he uses.

If you don’t trust him then leave.
You don’t sound happy at all.

This.

Indeed! In Sheffield (where I am originally from), men routinely call other women AND men "love".

If he says it to everyone, then it's just normal social stuff (whether you like it or not). He's clearly not fucking all the shop assistants, is he?

Obviously, you don't trust him an inch, so you should probably break up instead of making yourself miserable and losing your mental health trying to make it work and policing him.

Oh I call everyone love and lovely 🤣 I’m northern though, so automatically “frankly common”…

My northern neighbour calls everyone “lovely”. She is lovely!

North and South divide.

Well yes actually you are probably right: it is patronising in that scenario as well.

You don't speak for all womankind! I quite like being called love, it's friendly. I'm sure plenty of other women do too!

We had a painter/decorator do some work in the house and he called me treacle - hadn't heard that for decades but I thought it was lovely ☺️

@whippersnapper55, of course I don’t speak for all womankind. Do you? Who does?

Yorkshire

I literally call everyone my love…if my DH had a problem with it I’d be inclined to think he’d had a stroke…if this is all you’ve got to worry about then I think you’re doing ok

@whippersnapper55, I said “I don’t think”. I didn’t say “I know”. My subjective opinion.

Your subjective opinion that I presume to speak for all womankind!

I remember a bus driver, M, calling me, M, 'love', in Leeds. A while ago now, and things have changed, but it's a cultural aspect that could be relevant here.

Some people call other people love, darling, sweetheart, mate, among other names - it’s just the way they talk and doesnt have any sexual connotations. I think you’re being ridiculous to feel disrespected by your husband doing this.

You certainly don’t speak for me either. I like being called love, darling, dear etc by anyone, male or female. I think it makes people seem a bit more human rather than sterile politically correct bores.