Hand-hold, if I may, please

[BudeJellylegs]

I love my partner, but when England plays he turns into an absolute arsehole. I told him tonight that I’m glad they’re out for this reason. He’s kicked me out of the house, and I’m currently sat in my car. Can’t drive anywhere cos I’ve had a couple of G&Ts

Why would you even do that??

it is ridiculous ti suggest ways someone can reduce the number of times they're abused. She can she can eliminate the abuse by leaving him. His trigger is England at the moment who knows what it might shift to if they have a child it might shift to win the baby cries. Whatever the current trigger is is irrelevant he's abusive and she needs to leave him.

I love football. All year round. I was bitterly bitterly disappointed last night. I'd had a few drinks too. But did I throw DP out? No, I turned the telly off, said "fucking football, why do we do this to ourselves?" and went to bed. Something can be really really important to you, you can deeply care about it, without turning into an abusive arsehole.

I hope you are OK OP. Stay safe

My partner and I had the exact same conversation last night, it’s just a horrible and dark reality

Rally sorry to hear this @BudeJellylegs

This isn’t normal or healthy behaviour from him and isn’t what you should be experiencing in a loving and caring relationship. Ever.

The national domestic abuse helpline number is 0808 2000 246

Think about giving them a call.

Hope you’re ok OP.
I hate football. It reminds me of being a child and the moods my dad would get in if his team lost. He would then take it out on my mum. She would also say it was just due to the football but it crept in all aspects of life in the end. Please get some outside help. From me who was once a little girl who had to listen to these episodes of DV and is still affected by it 35 years later. You deserve better xxx

hes pathetic- is it your house aswll

my dh is welsh so is happy theyre out he sends me memes and we joke about it-cant imagine throwing him out his own house over it

After I watched the match last night, my overwhelming feeling was fear for all those women and children that would be getting abused as a result of the score. It fills me with dread every time I think about it.

Grew up with horrific domestic abuse. Any excuse for anger. My Mum had her bones broken several times. It was always her fault.

If others who have thought fit to comment, justifying the actions of this man, due to disappointment, give your heads a wobble. You've just victim blamed and colluded with domestic abuse. That domestic abuse is OK, in certain sets of circumstances. Please know this is never OK.

I hope you can get away from this man OP. I am glad you were safe in your car. I hope you find strength never to have to endure another night in your car, or worse, because of your abusive partner.

Ah well, only kicked out and in the car eh? Some women get beaten black and blue with the footie.

OP, none of this is right, none of it. You really really want to be with someone who thinks less of you than a bloody football team? So today is the football that sets him off, what about tomorrow or the next annoyance that comes along? He's shown you to be a bully, not in control of his emotions (and lacks the ability to realise it's just a game), do you really want to spend the rest of your days with someone like this?

@OP I hope that you're safe and in the process of leaving him.

No, he's an absolute arsehole who loses his last bit of self control when his football team loses. Why on earth would you want to be with this pathetic excuse for a man?

@BudeJellylegs I hope the evening got better. As an aside, if you have been drinking you cannot get in the car and hold the keys. You can be arrested for 'being in charge of a motor vehicle whilst under the influence.' I obviously don't know how much gin you had, or how long before your post, but it's something that isn't always obvious to people and they can get caught out by sitting in the car.

This is awful behaviour from him OP. It's abusive.

How are you doing today?

Time to ditch the fucker. Major red flags - he does not love you if he treats you like that - hope you are ok.

When England lose domestic violence goes up massively, when England win domestic violence goes up as well. No woman should have to tolerate this behaviour. Contact women’s aid and move out. He is not worth it.

if his behaviour is governed by a sporting event, then he is not worth it.

I knew a man like this, thank fuck he was no relation of mine, but it was his local team that was the problem, if they lost a game he would sit all night in silence (even if his family were round, grandchildren etc) and his wife would make excuses, and quietly tell people not to disturb him because his team had lost, he would absolutely ignore anyone who attempted to talk to him about anything, but would never just fuck off somewhere so everyone else could have a good time in his absence.

Absolutely pathetic, controlling behaviour.

The football will never be the only time you end up walking on eggshells OP, be warned.

Same. I said to myself “why do we fall for it every time” x

He's not a good man. No good partner behaves like this.

What's your financial and living situation? I hope you don't have children together.

You need to leave him. You deserve better than this.

https://solacewomensaid.org/policy-campaigns/awareness-campaigns-awards/stop-it-coming-home-world-cup-campaign/
Domestic violence towards women increases 38% if England lose a match, and it INCREASES 26% is England WIN.

I’m sorry OP you are not to blame and I wish you a safe break up away from this man and abuser.

Are you OK this morning @BudeJellylegs ?

Domestic abuse rockets after big football matches, whether won or lost. By 38%.

It isn't caused by football - it is caused by the man.

Homepage - National Domestic Abuse Helpline

I hope you are OK.

Doubt you're still there but want to put this to avoid others having issues in this situation-if you're drunk and even not driving in a car, you can get in trouble.

Seems ridiculous, as drunk people can be passengers? Well, if you have the keys, and are judged to be in charge of it, you can. I wouldn't have believed it until a friend in a very similar situation to you (his wife was beating him up, and anyone he told joked because he's a man and they though DV battering only happened to women) told me this.

Are you ok, OP?

I detest football. The act of kicking is aggressive and brings out the worst in aggressive men.

I am sorry this has happened OP. I think you need to ask yourself what it might be like for you to be dealing with this for the rest of your life and whether you wish to do this.

This thread has disturbed me, firstly because the OP is going through what so many women and children will be experiencing due to England's defeat (and I'm well aware that even when they win incidents of domestic abuse increase). The other thing that has disturbed me is the number of post s that have been deleted by MN due to breaching guidelines. I assume that those posts were blaming the OP, minimising the abuse or making out that the England defeat was a good enough reason for hideous behaviour . Another thing that puzzles me is the huge importance football is given in the media with the assumption that every single person in the country is obsessed with the world cup, and all this "we won" "we lost" carry on, no you didn't lose or win, the team you support lost or won. You weren't running round the pitch giving your all to try and achieve a win. It's a game when all is said and done. highly lucrative at the top levels but still only a game . I'm part Welsh and had Wales made the cut I would have watched and willed them on but it would not have dominated my existence . I just don't get the obsession and the way it dominates some people's lives. I hope the OP is ok and getting support wherever she is.

38% rise in domestic violence after an England football team loss. After win or lose domestic violence still goes up by around 20%.

If there was any other thing in our society that caused this I assume that government would be looking at legislation.

I don’t imagine it would help. There is a big difference between correlation and causation and it’s a mistake to assume the domestic violence is caused by the football. Abusive men lash out when unhappy and when something is available to be an excuse.

In a normal week A might berate his wife, call her awful names & punch the wall after he realised no ironed shirts were ready for work on Monday, B might slap his girlfriend after they couldn’t find his car keys on Wednesday night and C might shove his fiancé so she falls and breaks her wrist when he was disciplined at work, got drunk at the pub after and she said “the wrong” thing while getting ready for bed on Friday night. All of them might do the same the day of an England match. It tends to be a cycle so after an incident there is often an apology and a bit more effort to control their behaviour for a while but ultimately if there hasn’t been a match on Saturday it would have been something else on Sunday or Wednesday or another day soon after.

When people blame football you reinforce the narrative the abuser wants by shifting the blame away from the perpetrator and onto an external force. They abused because they are abusive not because of the football.