Sexless marriage and considering a male escort, anyone been here?

[rivalsbinge]

I can move this to the sex board if needed, but it’s more about my marriage that I can’t escape, yet.

it’s complicated but due to elderly parents, care responsibilities etc I’m totally unable to divorce or get out of my marriage, DH is nice guy we are friends but it’s been platonic for 7+ years no sex no kissing nothing, I’m on HRT in that crazy rollercoaster of hormones but really need some kind of touch, even a hug and a kiss would be lovely.

I don’t want to go down the tinder route so started looking at escort sites, I then wanted to know if anyone has ever ever gone down this route?

I was thinking of just blowing everything up and asking for an open marriage but I don’t want anything complex with other men I don’t want the relationship the drama etc so I thought about a professional?

The sex stopped due to some physical issues, I had surgery it was painful so I stopped it, and when we did try to resume he kept getting ED but refused to ask for any help with the GP, buried his head in the sand and declared or sex life was over. I didn’t factor in all touch and that gradually now before really strange for me.

im just really craving some attention, some touch not even sex necessary, has anyone law been here?

my confidence is low due to this as well and I suspect I seeking. A confidence boost as well and to just feel like a woman again.

Suggestions welcome as I get this a fairly drastic move on my part.

I'm sorry people here are so utterly judgmental in their answers OP. Do you think your H is punishing you for 'rejecting' him when you were unable to have sex? He was pushy and inappropriate at that time. Disgusting really. And now he's completely cut himself off from you in every way. No wonder you miss sex and connection. He's not interested in resolving things in any way. Go have some sex, if that's what you need.

After I separated from my husband I was alone for 2 years before I decided I was ready to get back into dating.
i didn’t want a relationship, but was missing being touched and kissed. So I went on FAB, met a few idiots who I instantly blocked but also met some decent men if you can believe that.
I met up with each of them beginning of this year for dinner and drinks and it was lovely. Out of the 7 I’m only in touch with 3 now, and surprisingly we’ve become good friends with the added benefits.

100% agree with this. Maybe if people bothered to read the OP they wouldn’t be so quick to judge. I think most people including myself would struggle to maintain a relationship after an extremely serious major surgery whilst caring for an elderly parent and on top of that not even been looked after properly at a time when it really mattered ! Where was he then in sickness and in health ? Pestering for sex and shutting down when he didn’t get his way. Where was the actual care and love here for his wife? Sending lots of healing to you, you don’t deserve some of these comments at all when clearly I bet not one person can say they have been in the exact same situation! It’s time you started thinking about yourself my lovely and looking into getting some support for you and what the next steps might be.

Most the time when people say this on MN I think they’re being ridiculous, but I absolutely agree with you!

Paying for sex is rape. Don’t be a rapist, OP.

Your mother won’t thank you for staying in this loveless marriage cos of her. id bet she’d be bloody upset over it if she knew. It might be complex but don’t do it cos you think you’re stuck.

Time for that last chat with your husband
lay down what you want to say and then let him talk to
do not let him walk of this is life changing here and say so.

either leave him or open up the marriage don’t hide it from him yes he sounds a right arse but just don’t go for an escort and hope you won’t get found out.

He will notice the changes, we think men can be a bit dim but they are not.

Wrong. She can do whatever she wants and doesn't need your staml of approval. Why is it thw worse thing in the world that she uses an escort?? Do you think she's gonna get a medal at the pearly gates for staying celibate and untouched? OP ignore these people. You have made your decision so start looking at escorts and pricing. You will need to also pay for a hotel. Probably looking at $300-500. Not cheap unfortunately. Please do it!! I am cheering for you.

All people are dim. How do you think decade long affairs work? He's not gonna notice a thing and their sex life is toast. And she didn't ask for people's moral opinions but of course...

I love this for you!

Thank you, it’s ok I’m not worried by the comments at all they are fair enough and give some other ideas in fact I think maybe a FWB would be better.

its also given me the kick up the bum tj talk to DH which im planning on doing this weekend when we have some cover for care.

it’s the derailing that nuts annoys me on threads like this, the situation im in with care and “just chuck your mum in a home” makes me shudder at how people talk about the elderly!

If you say so, man.

I think talking frankly to your husband is a good idea. It's possible you could even separate romantically, but remain living together as friends, with you casually dating discreetly, without rubbing it in his face?

Really though, there is always a solution that doesn't involve cheating on your husband, and/or 'buying' consent from prostitutes. Your care situation might be complicated, but it's not an excuse to do unethical things instead of handling the situation with moral integrity.

But talking to your DH and laying your cards out on the table is a good first step - I hope you can both find a way forward that is at least a happy compromise, and improves the situation.

I’m the same as you OP. I hate it and I don’t know what to do

The OPs problem is that she has no physical or sexual affection in her relationship. That isn't looking for validation from men fgs.

I dont understand why some people don't understand that a sexless marriage is not okay and it isn't some moral failing to want/enjoy physical intimacy of some kind.

I don't see how paid for "affection" is going to help her. She will know it's not genuine affection or sexual interest, they're only doing it for the money.

I can only see it making her feel worse about herself.

Of course a sexless relationship is distressing and not okay when one of them still wants sex, but cheating is still wrong and prostitution is still unethical.

I agree. Hiring a prostitute is grim for all sorts of reasons.

Cheating is wrong, but if I had the opportunity and was in the same position as the OP I can't promise I wouldn't take it.

No one wins any prizes for enduring endless misery.

Unfortunately, he might be right ( in some way ) - his ED might go away with someone else if your relationship is now platonic, men still need attraction to be aroused and that time may have passed now

Thank you for understanding, it’s a pretty lonely place to be.

I knew a married lady who met a man on the site Madison Avenue. He was also married with children. Turned out he was a vicar in an adjoining local parish.

Funnily enough by coincidence, someone else I later talked to, collaborated this story as she had also met him. lol.

I like the phrase sibling territory and when you're in that (like me) it's impossible to see the partner in a sexual way.
I actually think I would find it easier to have sex with a stranger than with my own husband now.

It's been too long.

Much like OP the time isn't right for me to leave either.