Is he taking the P**S?

[Mummyzbear17]

So il try to keep a long story fairly short i have a partner with 2 children and I have 1 child. We have been together 8 years and met when my child and his youngest were 2 (same age). His youngest child lives with him full time and his older child stays every weekend (Friday to monday)
I spend the majority of my time at his house as it is bigger but I do have my own property. Over the last few months we have been arguing about money and both feel we are right however my family and friends think my partner is taking the P**s out of me.

I currently work part time, take both our child to and from school every day, cook dinner, do all washing, ironing, cleaning, childcare (including weekends and half terms) literally everything you can think of and also pay half towards, gas, electric, TV, WIFi and water plus all my bills for my property. I do not pay for his rent, council tax or food shopping although he has asked me on many occasions to pay half towards food shopping. He goes to the gym whenever he likes even if this is at 6am, gets in from work and does absolutely nothing. If I don't stay one night they will get take away.

He earns 3 times the amount I do but if I ask to borrow money for petrol for example this has to be paid back, or if I have to take unpaid leave and end up with half my usual wages at the end of the month I am still expected to pay towards half his household bills.

Please could someone share their thoughts from an outsider perspective!

I think you probably know what we're going to say. You can do better than this 😘

So you pay him to be his maid?

Do you both own your own properties or private let/council?

Yes, he is a massive user and is taking the piss.

You and your dc need to go home, and thank goodness you still have your own home to go back to.

Yup. This.

Go home, sod that.

Your family and friends are right, he is very much taking advantage of you.

He seems to be gaining plenty but what exactly is in this for you?

Go home for a month, pay all your own bills and none of his. Do not use your petrol to ferry his child about do not provide any kind of childcare for him. Take stock at the end of the month. Are you in a better financial position? If so, he was taking the pics, big style.

Stay in your own place. Pay your own bills. If you need a shag let him in for that only and then send him on his way back to his own place. Stop being a fucking doormat.

Why would you subject your child to this life ??

He is hugely taking the piss. You are the unpaid nanny. And you are doing your own child a disservice. What are they missing out on because you are spending your time as an unpaid skivvy. Also while you have your own property, you need to be thinking about your pension. How do you want your future to look?

I would stop paying him immediately and stop doing anything for him.

He does not act like a partner or a father. Useless horrible man.

Of course he is taking the piss. You are paying to be his housekeeper and nanny that he gets to have sex with.
Go home and stay there. Realise how much extra time and money you have for yourself

You are doing way, way, way, way, way too much, both in terms of labour and money. It's a good thing the two of you don't already live together; it'll be easier and clearer to make changes to equalise things a bit.

How about:

You each do all the housework in your own houses and childcare for your own children, as a base. If it makes sense for one of you to take all the kids from time to time, make sure that's reciprocated. Of course, you clean up behind yourself and your child and if one of you is at the other's house you can pitch in on things like cooking or doing the dishes.

You each pay the costs in your own homes and you each pay any costs for your respective children.

If you and your child are frequently eating food at bf's house that he's bought as part of his normal grocery shopping and he/they rarely eat at yours, then it's reasonable to discuss your pitching in a bit but keep in mind, it'd be 2/5 as a benchmark even if you and your child were living at his, so adjust down from there.

Tell him! It's not fair and if he's ok you can talk and work something a bit fairer out, im not one to rush into leave leave but have you spoken about these issues and what does he say about that

Are you taking unpaid leave to look after HIS child?

The whole situation sounds shit. Even if he has a golden penis, he doesn't value you at all just what he can get from you. LTB.

So you only work part time, and out of your meagre earnings you pay all the bills for your own home, and contribute to bills at his home as well, you do all the housework, cooking, cleaning, school runs, take time off in school holidays (sometimes unpaid) and you have to pay him back because you run out of money for petrol sometimes.

He earns three times as much as you do and is getting half his bills paid, all his housework done, his meals cooked for him, his children looked after, he can go out when he likes, and will sit on his arse doing nothing when he gets in.

Well I can certainly see which side his bread is buttered, but I'm struggling to see what positives there are for you.

Yup. This.

Move back to your property.

Tell him you'll no longer be staying over at his house - you feel you need to spend more time with your child/give your child a secure base, just the 2 of you. Because of this, you will no longer be doing housework or paying towards any of his bills - as you feel you are paying towards 2 homes, whilst he is only paying for one. Invite him over for dinner at your place.
His response will tell you all you need to know.

Even as an experiment, just move back to your property and both of you fend for yourselves. He'll soon realize how much you are subsidising him.

Get out. He doesn’t have a girlfriend or partner, he has a housekeeper and babysitter who is also paying for the privilege of doing all the work.

Housekeeper, chauffeur, chef, nanny.... he is getting a great deal

You sound like his nanny, except you're paying him instead of him paying you.
How on earth have you fallen into this? At least you had sense to keep your own home. Go back there and stop contributing to his bills.

It's good you have your own property to live in.
I would feel like he was taking advantage, for sure.