Is he taking the P**S?

[Mummyzbear17]

So il try to keep a long story fairly short i have a partner with 2 children and I have 1 child. We have been together 8 years and met when my child and his youngest were 2 (same age). His youngest child lives with him full time and his older child stays every weekend (Friday to monday)
I spend the majority of my time at his house as it is bigger but I do have my own property. Over the last few months we have been arguing about money and both feel we are right however my family and friends think my partner is taking the P**s out of me.

I currently work part time, take both our child to and from school every day, cook dinner, do all washing, ironing, cleaning, childcare (including weekends and half terms) literally everything you can think of and also pay half towards, gas, electric, TV, WIFi and water plus all my bills for my property. I do not pay for his rent, council tax or food shopping although he has asked me on many occasions to pay half towards food shopping. He goes to the gym whenever he likes even if this is at 6am, gets in from work and does absolutely nothing. If I don't stay one night they will get take away.

He earns 3 times the amount I do but if I ask to borrow money for petrol for example this has to be paid back, or if I have to take unpaid leave and end up with half my usual wages at the end of the month I am still expected to pay towards half his household bills.

Please could someone share their thoughts from an outsider perspective!

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

"DP, Im beginning to feel that it's my housekeeping services you enjoy, and not my company so I'm going to be spending more time with (child) at our own place".

Observe if he throws a wobbler over having to look after himself and his DC or accepts he's been a bit of a prick. See if he tries to use the kids to guilt trip you into staying. That will tell you everything you need to know.

Take your child back home and relish the experience only doing two people's washing, cooking and life admin and paying one set of bills. See your DP for fun and dates only.

Decide which way of life you prefer & adjust accordingly.

Jesus, you're a nanny with a fanny and no mistake! He is massively exploiting you.

Go back home and don't do anything more for this man, don't give him another penny. Ideally also not one minute more of your time.

His utilities, with the possible exception of water, would cost the same whether you were living there or not, so why is he expecting you to pay half?

Go home.

Its only 2 weeks till the Summer Holidays, you need to leave and go back to your own house now otherwise you are going to be stuck looking after his kids all summer. I bet he hasnt even looked at holiday clubs etc as he knows you are there to do it all for him.
Run OP you are being used.

I was just about to say this! 😂

Op, come on now... If you want to be a maid/cook/nanny you could actually get a job doing that, rather than pay for the privilege. Get outta there.

How on earth did this crazy arrangement come about? Was he upfront about actually charging you money to provide him with your services, or did you fall into it by stealth?

I mean, you could just go home today and put a stop to it?

Stop paying for anything at his house. Start charging him for being a nanny to his child, being a housekeeper, cook per hour etc. Present him with an invoice for the past year with all the hourly charges for all you do. Put on the bottom that this invoice is to be paid by a certain date.

Are you desperate for a man? Because that's the only reason I can see for you to put up with such a shoddy 'relationship'.

You have your own home?
Move back into it.

You need to make living at his official and rent your home out. Things will be fair then.

Sorry but this is absolute lunacy. What are you thinking?!

Incredulous viewpoint- 👀
Are you the "partner"?

In SAHP relationships, the money earner is expected to share at least some of the childcare and housework. But @Mummyzbear17 works PT, pays half of all his expenses and does EVERYTHING for her own child and both of his. Not mention how much she does for him. On the other hand, "d"p pays half of expenses plus some of the food shops; does absolutely nothing in the home or taking care of either of his children. He's gets all of the benefits and has none of the responsibilities in their relationship.

Mummybear, please listen to your family and friends. He's taking the p in a massive way! If you made a spreadsheet comparison, which of you hugely benefits as things are now and which of you is going into debt and working herself to death.

If you and your dc lived in the house you own, you'd keep all the money you currently give him and there would be no additional chores (working/cleaning/childcare) at his. What positive things do you actually get out of the current situation that you wouldn't have if you just dated him?

Think how much easier your life would be and how much more time you'd have to enjoy being a parent. Don't you and your child deserve to be first in your own lives?

@Mummyzbear17

You aren't a 'partner', you're the hired help! And no only are you the hired help, you're paying your own damn wages!

Ever heard the phrase 'Nanny with a fanny'?

I'm not saying that if someone spends a majority of their time at their partner's they shouldn't contribute. But you're contributing half AND doing all the housework and childcare whilst he leaves you to it and swans off to do as he pleases when he pleases.

Quit being played for a fool. Take back control of your life. Move back to your own home and either end the relationship or tell him there will need to be a huge 're-set' where he starts managing his own household and parenting his own children.

I bet his ex wife feels sorry for you. She escaped the loser and you’ve taken him on.

If I earned three times what my gf did, I’d never ask her to put her hand in her pocket. Apart from maybe a few of the food shops if she lived at mine five days out of seven.

How are you paying for two houses on a part time wage. That’s insane.

and why are you taking care of this man’s children and house? You’re not even his wife.

I mean my goodness op, get out of there, like, yesterday,

Pack up your shit, move to your own home, let him drown in childcare and housework. See how long it takes for him to beg you to come back. Then either say fuck off, I like not having to wait on you and be your housekeeper and nanny, or write a list of ground rules which reflect the amount you do for him against how much he would have to pay someone else to do those jobs.

wow he has it nice and cushy hasn't he.
Yes he is taking the utter piss here and you need to stop. He knows he has it good with all the things you do for him but treats you appealingly re finances and childcare, he just hopes you wont catch on to this.

Listen to your family.

Remember your worth.

Get rid of him and live a proper life where nobody is taking advantage of you. 💐

Yeah, this.

@Mummyzbear17 School holidays are coming up. Will he have thought about that for one single second whilst he has you to look after his kids, and you actually pay him for the privilege of doing so?

Move back home. If he's desperate for childcare during the school holidays, tell him it's his own fault for not appreciating everything you've done for him, so it serves him bloody well right.

You’re not an unpaid nanny and housekeeping, you’re actually paying him for the pleasure.

atop paying and move back into your own home, date him if you still want to see him but stop paying and doing his chores for him

And be honest with your child why you have left him. Because heaven forbid s/he grows up thinking it’s ok for men to treat women this way and that women should do everything in the home.

Set a good example for your child.

And stop giving away her/ his and your money to a greedy user who doesn’t give a shit about you.

I know it might be sad to leave the other kids after so long but, they can always come and visit. And you are actually doing them a favour too by showing them we don’t stay in imbalanced relationships.

ps: I suspect your subconscious knew all this time it was wise to hang onto your home. Eight years in and no wedding ring either. Good thing you didn’t have a child with him.

He’s taking the absolute piss, I think a few weeks of sorting himself out will probably make him realise how much you are doing for him the other kids are not yours, your putting all of your time effort and money into helping him raise them but everything you put in is resources that are being taken away from your child and you. At the end of the day when your tired after cleaning his house and sorting out his washing there’s nobody taking care of you he absolutely shouldn’t be expecting you to raise his kids and clean/pay for his home tell him your going to be staying home for at least the summer starting now (no school runs for his child) for a break and quality time with your child don’t let him dump his on you at all and tell him you can’t afford to contribute to his house anymore because you can’t afford to run 2 homes on part time work. He’s treating you like a house keeper nanny and casual partner and charging you for the privilege 😱🤯 your going to be guilted manipulated and he’s probably going to be very put out it’s time for changes don’t raise your child like this him and you are making all the sacrifices.

I don't get any of this. If I am not a man's whole life priority, what is even the point giving him a chance

I’d actually find a way to get some of my money back before leaving him tbh. Tell him the cars broke down or something. Or take some of the stuff you bought in the home and sell it.

This! And nanny. Tell him you can’t afford it anymore so are moving back into your home. He needs a reality check. He’s treating you like a mug. And will continue unless you stand up for yourself. I hope he has some good points because I can’t really see why you want him.