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Original poster

Is he taking the P**S?

112 replies

Mummyzbear17 · 06/07/2026 23:09

So il try to keep a long story fairly short i have a partner with 2 children and I have 1 child. We have been together 8 years and met when my child and his youngest were 2 (same age). His youngest child lives with him full time and his older child stays every weekend (Friday to monday)
I spend the majority of my time at his house as it is bigger but I do have my own property. Over the last few months we have been arguing about money and both feel we are right however my family and friends think my partner is taking the P**s out of me.

I currently work part time, take both our child to and from school every day, cook dinner, do all washing, ironing, cleaning, childcare (including weekends and half terms) literally everything you can think of and also pay half towards, gas, electric, TV, WIFi and water plus all my bills for my property. I do not pay for his rent, council tax or food shopping although he has asked me on many occasions to pay half towards food shopping. He goes to the gym whenever he likes even if this is at 6am, gets in from work and does absolutely nothing. If I don't stay one night they will get take away.

He earns 3 times the amount I do but if I ask to borrow money for petrol for example this has to be paid back, or if I have to take unpaid leave and end up with half my usual wages at the end of the month I am still expected to pay towards half his household bills.

Please could someone share their thoughts from an outsider perspective!

OP posts:
Tel12 · 07/07/2026 07:15

What do you get out of this relationship? What's stopping you from going home and putting your feet up?

Maybeitllneverhappen · 07/07/2026 07:17

1.Read your first post again.
2.Then realise what an idiot you're being. 3. Then dump him.

Bringemout · 07/07/2026 07:18

Go home, this is shit, just pack your stuff up and leave. This man doesn’t care for you.

DozyCrow · 07/07/2026 07:18

I don't know how n earth you're managing all that on a part time wage. You're literally paying him to be his live in nanny/cook/housekeeper. Fuck that! Time to move back to your own place and let him see what it's like to have to pay for all the services you were providing.

SweepSqueaks · 07/07/2026 07:24

She is, she’s paying him to wash his pants and drive his child to school.

He is going out whenever he wants as he has a live in housekeeper, looking after everything and even works at weekends.

TheBlueKoala · 07/07/2026 07:31

He's got it all worked out hasn't he? What if you would like to go out in the evening/morning- would he take care of the children @Mummyzbear17 ?
Honestly, just leave. You are being used and he's a stingy selfish dick.

chocoluv · 07/07/2026 07:52

You either need to stop going to his so often or move in properly.

If my partner and their DC were spending the majority of time at my home, then I’d absolutely expect him to pay for half of the utility bills etc.

If he only worked PT then I’d expect him to do the majority of the housework.

Of course he earns more than you because you only work PT whilst he works FT.

I’m wondering if this is a reverse because all he’s doing is making sure you don’t take advantage of him, which any of us would advise.

Just stop going over so much, it’s a very simple solution.

pastadish · 07/07/2026 07:56

So he gets half his bills paid plus a maid and nanny.
You get to pay him to be his maid and nanny.
I cannot see one thing that you get out of this relationship. It’s not like you get somewhere to live because you have your own house you don’t need somewhere to live.
I don’t know why you’re paying him to be a dogsbody while he doesn’t even have to look after his own child. And he wants more money off you

StraightTalkingTina · 07/07/2026 07:58

Yes he is royally taking the piss. And the way you are living makes no sense for anyone, but mostly you.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 07/07/2026 08:07

Your friends are right.
End this.
Move back home & let him sort out his own child's school run.
It will be cheaper for you just to pay your own bills.

Lurker85 · 07/07/2026 08:08

I thought slavery was abolished

chocoluv · 07/07/2026 08:36

StraightTalkingTina · 07/07/2026 07:58

Yes he is royally taking the piss. And the way you are living makes no sense for anyone, but mostly you.

This is why I’m wondering if it’s a reverse.

All OP has to do is go there less.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/07/2026 08:41

Your partner is anything but and you may as well have mug written on your forehead. Why on earth is your relationship bar so bloody low to have at all accepted this even by degrees?.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/07/2026 08:43

And he is financially abusing you to boot.

LejlaKapovic · 07/07/2026 08:43

Mummyzbear17 · 06/07/2026 23:09

So il try to keep a long story fairly short i have a partner with 2 children and I have 1 child. We have been together 8 years and met when my child and his youngest were 2 (same age). His youngest child lives with him full time and his older child stays every weekend (Friday to monday)
I spend the majority of my time at his house as it is bigger but I do have my own property. Over the last few months we have been arguing about money and both feel we are right however my family and friends think my partner is taking the P**s out of me.

I currently work part time, take both our child to and from school every day, cook dinner, do all washing, ironing, cleaning, childcare (including weekends and half terms) literally everything you can think of and also pay half towards, gas, electric, TV, WIFi and water plus all my bills for my property. I do not pay for his rent, council tax or food shopping although he has asked me on many occasions to pay half towards food shopping. He goes to the gym whenever he likes even if this is at 6am, gets in from work and does absolutely nothing. If I don't stay one night they will get take away.

He earns 3 times the amount I do but if I ask to borrow money for petrol for example this has to be paid back, or if I have to take unpaid leave and end up with half my usual wages at the end of the month I am still expected to pay towards half his household bills.

Please could someone share their thoughts from an outsider perspective!

I can't for the life of me understand these kind of "50/50" relationship. They're almost never fair as the woman ends up getting the bad bargain. Women end up doing what they've always done - cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, layndry, vacuuming, etc. - and get to pay for the "pleasure" of being a house slave on top of it.

No, your circumstances - like majority of women in "50/50" relationships - isn't fair nor to your benefits. I'd rather not have a man in my life if men like this are my only option. No, thank you.

millymollymoomoo · 07/07/2026 08:45

Why dont you work ft ? Are you claiming uc as a single person but actually living with him?
why aren't you renting your house out if not living there ?
what does he say when you speak about the situation?

i personally think it’s reasonable that if you’re working pt you pick up more housework /ferrying kids along but that doesn’t mean he gets to do nothing or have no responsibilities, especially with his own child. What is his response to this?

It’s akso reasonable you pay a share of bills and food - but should be renting your house out so that’s covered

jt doesn’t feel like you’re a couple or partners, you’re currently the unpaid live in help

Bananalanacake · 07/07/2026 09:32

Go back to your house and meet him once a week for a date. Refuse to look after his kids for him. If he dumps you because of this you'll know he was using you.

pastadish · 07/07/2026 09:50

LejlaKapovic · 07/07/2026 08:43

I can't for the life of me understand these kind of "50/50" relationship. They're almost never fair as the woman ends up getting the bad bargain. Women end up doing what they've always done - cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, layndry, vacuuming, etc. - and get to pay for the "pleasure" of being a house slave on top of it.

No, your circumstances - like majority of women in "50/50" relationships - isn't fair nor to your benefits. I'd rather not have a man in my life if men like this are my only option. No, thank you.

Show quote history

Me neither. And this relationship isn’t even 50/50 it’s 100/0 because I can’t see one thing she gets out of it while he gets everything he wants

OutOfApricots · 07/07/2026 11:20

@Mummyzbear17 I hope this thread is helping you to see that he is indeed using you left, right and centre, and that this arrangement is entirely to his benefit.

Look at all the replies on here and read through them all several times - we are unanimous in saying yes, he is taking the piss, and that you are being taken advantage of to your detriment.

Please do what is right for you and your child and go back home. Flowers

Leavesandthings · 07/07/2026 11:28

All that money he has convinced you to pay him while he uses you.... That money could be for you and your child.

Previous posters put it succinctly - you are paying him for him to use you.

UninitendedShark · 07/07/2026 11:31

What have I just read?! This is in no way fair. The very least you could do is start charging him for nanny services. He’s taking everything from you and you’re getting nothing in return. Ideally just go back to your house and see if you can get more hours in paid work. You k is you can’t stay in a relationship with a used like this right?

jellyfish798 · 07/07/2026 11:38

I think you know deep down this isn't right for you. He's one of those men who wants a woman who'll do all the trad things but still pay half towards everything down to the last pound - he's having his cake & eating it. Him doing nothing after work says it all, he thinks it's woman's work but he still wants the benefits of your wages. Don't waste time trying to get him to understand your point of view, he'll just try to get you to justify yourself. Walk out that door and start a new life, you deserve better xx

Mosaic80 · 07/07/2026 11:38

Yes he’s definitely taking the piss. It sounds like you’re much worse off in many ways than if you just lived properly separately - financially, your dc only having a box room at his, time-wise doing all the household jobs and childcare. He’s gaining so much more than you! I’d want to move back to my little house and focus all my money and time on my dc if I were you.

Gardenisablooming · 07/07/2026 11:42

Hopefully you are packing to go home right now op
.

Slimtoddy · 07/07/2026 11:51

So do you pay your own rent or mortgage on your own property and 100% of any utilities in your own property? If you do then you are:

  • paying half utilities in his property
  • all the rent or mortgage in your property
  • all the utilities in your property
  • all the food in your property
  • all the labour around cooking etc in his property

You don't:

  • pay half the rent in his property
  • pay half the food in his property

I think mathematically you are giving more.

If you put actual figures against what you do contribute I think it would be fairly obviously more. You would have to estimate a figure for the labour you contribute but that should be easy enough.