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Original poster

Anyone else think coming from a large family is actually not that great?

103 replies

Banoffeemuffin · 05/07/2026 22:06

I have 5 siblings, we are all so different, I'm not really in touch with them and have my own life and friends. I just think with bigger families , there's always issues such as resentments , loyaltes, cliques and also just realizing that you don't have that much on common with them other than they came from the same 2 people.

It's just crap tbh..I wish I'd been an only child or maybe had one other sibling. Also other big families that I know of are often the same, and don't get on or are estranged from each other.

OP posts:
Funchythesnowwoman · 05/07/2026 22:09

I have 4 siblings - 2 brothers and 2 sisters- and we all get on very well as adults. We all meet up with partners and children at least 3 times a year and make a point of celebrating each other.

Veronyk · 05/07/2026 22:17

I think the parents have to be very special to look after a lot of children properly. I am one of 6 and a lot of bad unsupervised stuff happened in my family.

Original poster
Banoffeemuffin · 05/07/2026 22:20

@Veronyk sorry to hear that, I agree, my parents tried their best but I just think they had too many children tbh

OP posts:
firstofallimadelight · 05/07/2026 22:20

I have one sibling and they are a PITA !! I wish I had another sibling to complain to

Pixiedust49 · 05/07/2026 22:21

One of 6. Hated it, we all did. We have all gone on to have either one or none. Which says it all.

Parcelpass · 05/07/2026 22:22

Siblings are always different anyway even if there's just 2 of you.

Im one of 4. I enjoy having a brother we are just over 2.5 years apart. Then 2 much younger sisters not overly close but I do see one of them.

Don't you see even one of your siblings OP?

PermanentTemporary · 05/07/2026 22:23

My mum and dad were both each one of five. TBH I think they in general had a good time with it. It was interesting as an adult seeing that some of the dynamics were really quite bad. But what was also true is that there were really close relationships in each of the sibling groups.

Parcelpass · 05/07/2026 22:23

Pixiedust49 · 05/07/2026 22:21

One of 6. Hated it, we all did. We have all gone on to have either one or none. Which says it all.

Agree it can go this way. I have 1 DC but would have had another if I could of (split with ex). Plus wanted DS to have a good life.

PrincessFairyWren · 06/07/2026 14:39

I am number six out of seven kids. The overwhelming resentment that my older siblings have about me coming along(like I deliberately ruined their lives on purpose) and my older sister’s bitterness over being parentified at a young age means that our relationships are jaded. I hate the cliche of younger siblings being spoiled because nothing could be further from the truth. Plus my parents constantly wanting my younger sister and I to hurry up and leave home. I will always want my kids to feel like they have a home with me if they need it.

millit · 06/07/2026 14:42

Hard disagree for me. Being part of a big family has been one of life’s biggest blessings for me. I feel rich in life because we have each other. We lost one of our siblings and I’m so grateful that me and my brothers have each other. My DH is an only child and he also loves having a big extended family now.

Sinescure · 06/07/2026 14:44

One of ten and wouldn't change it for the world. It did make some things harder growing up but I wouldn't change the fact that I have nine awesome friends I will always love and now a growing crowd of nieces and nephews too. I like all their husbands and wives so far too. There are groups of us who are closer in some ways but there's a floor to that - I spend more time with some than others but can hang out and enjoy spending time with them all and I love them all.

MegMortimer · 06/07/2026 14:46

I am one of 5 and absolutely loathed it. Some of my siblings are ND and I'm sure that didn't help. Family highly dysfunctional in many ways. All of us siblings are NC. I wish I had been an only child. I used to envy the people at school who were only children.

SwirlingAroundSleep · 06/07/2026 14:46

I’m one of 4 and loved having a big family. I have 5 (including step children) and one of my brothers and his wife has had 4 in six years. My sister has two and may yet have more. My older brother has none but we believe him and his wife have fertility issues. Absolutely none of us hated been from a big family because we were all loved.

Brunchatstephanies · 06/07/2026 14:46

Veronyk · 05/07/2026 22:17

I think the parents have to be very special to look after a lot of children properly. I am one of 6 and a lot of bad unsupervised stuff happened in my family.

Absolutely share this experience and we definitely didn’t get those “special” parents unfortunately and I actually don’t think I’ve come across a family where they did. I would say it is extremely rare because that size of family must be absolutely exhausting even for poor parents not to mind good ones.

SuitcaseAndSecrets · 06/07/2026 14:48

I have/ had four sisters.. sadly one passed away
I am 67 and the fourth.. we are all very very close

Always have been.. always will be.
I love it.
So many wonderful neices and nephews and great neices and nephews.My ex husband was an only child. Very spoilt and thought the world owed him... now he's a nasty alcoholic.

RosalieRosa · 06/07/2026 14:49

I know a few people who are from very big families (5+ kids). Some loved it and some absolutely hated it.

Caffeinepleasenow · 06/07/2026 14:50

I loved it. I hope I can have a big family too.

anon2022anon · 06/07/2026 14:55

Swings and roundabouts.
One of 4 here, then 4 step siblings, then a half sibling arrived, so 9 in total.

There was lots of fun growing up with them, and there still is now, but there was also lots of tension on how one sibling/ sibling group was favoured over another.
An 18 year old boy with a friendship group getting a 17 year old stepsister with a friendship group in the same house created a fair few issues.
That 18 year old lad getting a new stepdad created lots of issues.
Lots of benign neglect parenting going on- if you told a lie about where you'd been you could get away with murder because there were too many kids to look closely.
The older ones had lots to do with the raising of the youngest, and he subsequently went off the rails very young after most of us left home. We all have a very different relationship with him because of a 10-18 year age gap- more of a nephew than a brother.

No, I don't wish I could change it, because on the whole I get on with all the siblings group, and family gatherings are fun. I can see looking back how hard they worked to provide for us. But when you take a look as an outsider for a minute, there's a whole load of unaddressed issues in each sibling, that we were just left to smooth over and get on with life. They worked hard to give us what they needed to money wise, but we didn't get time. And now, even though I've only got 2 kids, I struggle with the giving time/ attention part- it's easier to focus on the practical, that's what I've seen.

Laiste · 06/07/2026 14:55

I'm an only child (as are both my parent!) but DH is one of 4.

MIL is always on about how 'tight knit' their family is (i think she pity's me as an only and likes to do the look at wonderful us thing) but in reality they aren't tight knit at all!

From what i've observed over the last 20 years; apart from SIL posting on the family app every time she farts and living in MILs pocket that's about as far as together they get.

DH hardly speaks to his brothers and sister and they are the same. Any big gatherings are always at MILs and are hell to organise and takes months because every one is wrapped up with their own families.

Wonderlandpeony · 06/07/2026 14:57

I only have one sister and we are both very different and don't really get on. Her personality changed quite a lot after she got married, as her husband is quite controlling and a narcissist. I've noticed some of his narcissistic traits have rubbed off on her over the years. I try to keep it to the minimum with seeing her, and although it sounds awful, it wouldn't bother me if I never saw her again.

MouseInTheLakesideHouse · 06/07/2026 15:00

I’m one of seven and we’re all very close. I’d speak to at least four of my singling every day.

That said, it’s a LOT. I think it’s one thing when everyone is young and it’s just the parents dealing with a lot of children, but as we get older and there are in-laws, out-laws, exes, children, children’s children etc. it can definitely get dramatic.

Big element too of the older ones raising the younger ones, nobody getting enough time, and just sheer logistics- I’ve never been on a holiday with my father.

I love them all and wouldn’t be without them, but I definitely didn’t want to ever have a lot of children.

Edited to add: DH is an only child and he finds my family exhausting, as much as he likes and gets on with them. He’s used to being able to deal with things with relative easy and in a straightforward manner whereas, in my family, EVERYONE gets involved. Biggest difference I saw was in how to manage elderly or dying parents- DH had time to think and research, and was able to make decisions (parent was incapacitated so bit able to input, sadly) without interference. In my family, everyone gets involved and you tend to have opposing factions break out.

Cheetoo · 06/07/2026 15:19

I know quite a few families of 5+ and they're either wonderful or v toxic. When teg wheels come off the cart things can get brutal.
My husband's father came from a family of 12... The first 7 are well adjusted successfull lives and all get on well. The next 5 are v dysfunctional. The story is the mother got depressed and stopped coping at a certain point

HaveYouFedTheFish · 06/07/2026 15:30

I'm one of four.

I was always glad my siblings were around to dilute the intensity of my parents 🫣 Not bad people but intense. Being their only child would have been awful and I doubt I'd have stayed in contact!

I'm not incredibly close to my siblings but we are in touch. When I visit my parents the siblings who live closer to them still make it less stressful!

I've had four children too.

I don't expect them to be besties and have never tried to push them to do the same hobbies or do everything together - but they do things in different combinations sometimes now as teenagers and young adults - not all of them together.

If closer to one of multiple siblings I always think you might not have had that sibling as a choice if your parents had only had two!

Still, I enjoyed the crowd as a teenager, though the one thing I didn't enjoy was being made responsible for younger siblings as a pre teen and we have deliberately gone out of our way not to let our older children be parentified.

DreamingOfGeneHunt · 06/07/2026 15:35

I'm the oldest of 7. I was used as free childcare, free cleaner, free admin. I absolutely hated it, despite loving my siblings- it was awful.
There would have been enough money if my parents hadn't spent it like it was going out of fashion; as it was we never had enough to eat. There was never any peace.

We do all get on well now, but it's taken a long time.

Katiesaidthat · 06/07/2026 15:55

My grandad was 1 of 15. The last four, of which he was one, were very close. All the others might as well not existed. Their relationship was very detached even indifferent. He always said he only had 2 sisters and one brother. Too many kids and his mum was always busy and they had to fend for themselves. At 16 he joined the marines.