Anyone else think coming from a large family is actually not that great?

[Banoffeemuffin]

I have 5 siblings, we are all so different, I'm not really in touch with them and have my own life and friends. I just think with bigger families , there's always issues such as resentments , loyaltes, cliques and also just realizing that you don't have that much on common with them other than they came from the same 2 people.

It's just crap tbh..I wish I'd been an only child or maybe had one other sibling. Also other big families that I know of are often the same, and don't get on or are estranged from each other.

I get what you're saying, but that can be true for all siblings, so if you only had one, it's still quite normal to hardly see them. You do get some families where siblings see each other regularly, but it isn't usually like books/TV portrays the idea. Not for most people.
Love the idea of The Broons happy family, but don't know anyone who lives this this.

I’m one of 5 and it wasn’t a great experience. I love my siblings and there were fun parts but I was one of the eldest so was definitely parentified and emotionally neglected.

I made a very deliberate decision to only have 2 children, as have my other siblings who have families. There just wasn’t enough attention, focus or curiosity about our lives.

That is beautiful! My eldest 2 daughters in their 20's hate each other and my youngest 2 teens have nothing to do with each other. That is not how i envsioned my grown up family

I'm one of two and we get on brilliantly. My aunt had 6 children and 4 get on fine but aren't really close. The eldest and youngest despise each other and didn't invite each other to their weddings. Their children hardly know each other, despite living close to each other. None of them would go out of their way to help a sibling. For example, if my brother had ever wanted me to take a day off work to drive him to a hospital appointment, I wouldn't hesitate. My cousins would never do that for each other. When they were growing up there were lots of fights and resentments and I was always glad I just had my one brother.

I have 5 siblings - I only communicate with 1 - it’s been a shit show - I wish them all the best but I never want to lay eyes on them again.

I'm one of four, there were times when I hated it times when I loved it. Now I really appreciate it, we're all close, we go on holiday together, we go out at lest once every 3 months for dinner. Most importantly I know there are 3 people out there that no matter what have my back.
As the one of the oldest, I had to look after my siblings, cook and clean when necessary, but I never saw it as parentification, I saw it as being a team player for the family, but that may have a lot to do with culture I was brought up in.

Well like all things , it depends. I know larger families (four plus) who all get on great generally (of course occasional fallings out) and some who don’t get on much at all. And some with just two kids who get on great, or not at all. Or some where in between. My DH had five brothers. Only one was he particularly close to. But it’s more because he had little in common with some of them. My mother was seventh of eight and lots of dynamics going on there but it was a different time (they’d all be over 100 now). The three youngest girls were tight as thieves. My friend is youngest of five and they are close but as the youngest she remembers quite a lot of benign neglect (says she got away with not brushing her teeth for two years) and ironically felt she was left on her own a lot.
A family friend has 15 siblings. Yowsa. I can’t get my head around that, but I’d say she didn’t really know the oldest half of them growing up as they would have left home or be on the verge of that by the time she was born. I can only imagine caring for loads of kids makes for an assembly line parenting style! She gets on best with the ones closest to her age.
I always thought I wanted five kids. I didn’t get married til I was 40 though and after two I’d had enough. Two step kids too (one with us full time). But the age difference between my kids and my stepkids means that none felt left out or jealous, but they are not particularly close to my kids, and my DD would say she has no relationship with her half siblings at all (she’s the only girl, and has no love of football which seems to be the main bond between my son and his older brothers).

Every family is different so it’s very difficult to generalise. My dad was one of 6 and I loved growing up in a large extended family with many cousins. However I do think it is often a case of the larger the family, the larger the problems/ resentments… it’s not an easy dynamic at all. All of the 6 children had either 2 or 3 children themselves.

As I said before on here, my ex is one of 8. It was a classic set up of the oldest daughters being expected to be second parents to the younger ones; think a 10 year old having to get up to 3 younger siblings up, dressed, and fed before school, teach them how to read and help with homework
As a result, his oldest sisters have absolutely nothing to do with any of them now (and I don't blame them!)
The older boys are quite close, as they were permanently free to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted

I think it's harder to find large families today. I'm from one and tend to agree with you. But having to grow up in a big family can help you develop good coping skills and resilience, also good bargaining and social skills. We're all very different and live far apart. One thing that has shocked me is that my brother died recently and I don't seem to be very affected by that.

It depends on the quality of the parents initially.
My mother had 5 sisters and 1 brother. She said her parents (poor, little education,'married' very young 18), were as interested in her ( next to youngest) as they had been with the others. They both worked very hard, were very organised and all the children had chores eg.
They were brought up to pull together. If one had a problem eg no job, ill, orphaned, young children etc, they would all discuss how to solve it. They happily took in their parents, parents in law, (when elderly), also siblings, nephews etc in war time and after, ( as did the next generations btw). Anyone of them could turn up on the doorstep of another and be welcomed in, no question.
Of course I'm talking of an original culture in GB of the 1880s ( or before) when the state provided little if anything. If your family didn't stick together it was disastrous for the weaker members but it has continued until modern times in many cases.

Eldest of a large family here, I was used as the baby sitter, organiser, etc etc and tbh I think the parental interest, I received as a child, was watered down. Hard for any parent to be as involved, as if you’d just had one or two children. i think I’ve had my issues to work through because of this but I missed lots of other issues as I do have a super loving and wonderful mum.

But we are absolutely bonded as a group and always have been in adulthood. We meet up regularly and my children and their cousins are being raised alongside each other. The various partners and spouses are just as close to us all now and I do feel really lucky.

I might have had my niggles as a child but I love being part of a large loving family as an adult!

My dad is 1 of 6, I’m 1 of 5 and I’m pregnant with my 4th DC. I absolutely love having a big family, we hang out regularly and go on holiday together all the time.

The more kids I have, the larger their potential support network, and I think that is the most valuable thing I can give my children. It has been the biggest blessing in my life; my siblings and cousins are my best friends.

What matters is parents who teach siblings to have love and respect for one another.
You can have as many or as few as you wish but that principle is critical.

My grandad was one of 11 , though a couple died before adulthood. He seemed close to them, especially to the youngest, who i think he and g'ma looked after in the summer hols.

I’m 1 of 6 all girls. It’s hell on earth to be honest. Im estranged from 4 of the 5 of my sisters I can’t tolerate the way excuses are made for some and not others it’s depressing

I have 5 siblings as well and I don’t speak to any of them! I only have one sister and shes vile. Haven’t spoken to her in 6 years

I am from a huge family. It was quite tough growing up, not enough money, not enough engagement by parents, not enough privacy, not enough of anything really, except siblings! Once everyone grew up and moved out things got better, lots of nephews and nieces, lots of parties, weddings, christenings etc, and it was helpful when our mother became frail as there was always someone to help with her. Now however things are tough again, I am second youngest and i know it sounds terribly morbid, but unless I die relatively young, I will have to watch my older siblings gradually age, become ill, and die, over and over again, and there are 12 of them.

Six of us and I agree it’s far too many however much parents try there is almost. no one to one time.

I’m an only, with no kids of my own, and I wonder how alone I will end up. It’s interesting to hear that people from larger families don’t always benefit from it.

One sister has been disowned by all of us, she ran off with our eldest sisters husband and my poor sister had a complete breakdown, she has never been the same. Don’t give me the he made the vows, he did but your own sis. She was awful even as a small child, evil cow.

I am one of 8. I absolutely love being from a large family. The amount of support and friendship l get from my siblings is brilliant. We don't live in each other's pockets but there is always something happening with weddings, birthdays etc. When my parents needed care we all rowed in and was l glad to have so many willing hands. We were not well off growing up but not poor either and our dps were strict but very engaged . The biggest thing l feel is we were never expected to parent younger siblings but given our own freedom and space. There was a big emphasis on education so minding babies was contrary to this. My siblings are some of my favourite people.

One of 3. Definitely wasn’t this amazing tight knit ‘got your back’ family. My siblings were burdened with raising me mainly by the time I came along (I think I was a mistake), my parents didn’t care. As adults I am only more communicative to one of my siblings. DH barely sees or speaks to his sibling. I chose to have one only DC for many reasons and at most maybe two would have been the limit but a few things from my childhood I won’t get into. Has made me worry about having two DC that don’t get along or one bullying the other one and having to deal with that.

My DH is one of five. He would always say he liked having a big family and wanted one for us too (no thanks), but there are a lot of issues between them all. Two of them are practically estranged from the others, and don’t speak to their dad either.

One of six, awful experience that has impacted my whole life.