Anyone else think coming from a large family is actually not that great?

[Banoffeemuffin]

I have 5 siblings, we are all so different, I'm not really in touch with them and have my own life and friends. I just think with bigger families , there's always issues such as resentments , loyaltes, cliques and also just realizing that you don't have that much on common with them other than they came from the same 2 people.

It's just crap tbh..I wish I'd been an only child or maybe had one other sibling. Also other big families that I know of are often the same, and don't get on or are estranged from each other.

I imagine that many big families have money issues. There will be conflict if resources are limited.

I'm the oldest of 5 and I hate it for many reasons already mentioned. As adults we're not close. Only me and one brother have our own DC, 2 of the others have significant mental health problems and the other one has issues too, largely caused by my mother

I’m also the eldest of five. It was miserable. My parents could not afford, emotionally or economically, anywhere near that many. We all became the human equivalent of resource-guarding dogs because there wasn’t enough to go round, and aren’t close as adults. My siblings have all chosen to be childfree.

I think it all very much depends on your parents.

I’m the youngest of four (we were five but our sibling died as a child), but I was mostly brought up by my grandparents as my parents were abusive. We had a very mixed childhood as my parents started to get into drink and drugs after having older siblings. So they had good parents, then neglectful parents and finally abusive parents, only moving to my grandparents as teens.
I had abusive, neglectful parents (at 3 months old I had a broken arm, supposedly from rolling off a changing table, but is highly suspected to have been my father) and then good parents in my grandparents from the age of 7.
Three of the four of us have large families - my brothers both have 4 and I have 6. My sister couldn’t have children. The saddest bit is that my brothers have both repeated the cycle and both are now NC with their children.

We have 6 (me 2, DH 1, us 3), but we have the money to be able to have the space for it, and family support on DH’s side to have the time and ability to be able to do things with each of the children. The eldest are in their twenties now, but this weekend DH is away with 3 of the 6 to an event, I’m at home with 2 and one has gone to a spa weekend with MIL.

PIL were one of 15 and 9. MIL loved it, her family is very close, especially the 6 sisters and their children. FIL loved his childhood, but as an adult acknowledged that his elder sisters were treated as babysitters constantly. DH’s granny is now 104 and says herself they they had too many before they could afford it (the grandad got a big promotion so the older kids feel the younger kids had a much much better quality of life (although the kids themselves are in their 70s and 80s now!)).

I don't come from a large family but my dad was one of five and they weren't close. I have two friends from large families who hate it. So much drama and falling out. One says she went without so much when little. I have a small family which suits me just fine. I think people romanticise large families.

I have one sister, 18 months apart. We we were close as children, fell apart as teenagers and don't get on at all as adults. We write Christmas and birthday cards but I haven't seen her in years. I think we are just not very similar in any way, shape or form and have very different lifestyles.

I’m an only child with an only child and think there are plusses and minuses to both scenarios. However, all the hard work involved in having another kid only for the two not to get on - I would have been a bit pissed off!

It looks quite suffocating tbh, big families i know, drama drama

I think it all very much depends on your parents.
I completely agree! But to be a good parent to a large number of children is very bloody hard, my parents could've coped with two they couldn't cope with six.

I've got 5 and the 2nd one is about to go to university. Dc3 has been asking for more siblings as it's too quiet at home now and it's going to get quieter. It's not going to happen though.

I’m no 5 of 7
Our family was a grow up and get out type so we’re not very close. Did have periods where things were good but the foundation is too rocky to sustain anything deep. I would take or leave most of them.

It isn’t just numbers birth order etc. I read somewhere that a study had shown four girls was pretty much the worst ‘mix’ to you can have.

For our family, money wasn’t the issue. We had plenty of physical resources but just not the parental time, emotional support and care that we needed.

Both my Mum and Dad are/were one of 5. My Dad is the youngest and his eldest Brother was 15 years older. - Dad was born when Nanna was 40. He and his eldest Brother and families were close as anything as 'adults' right until my Uncle passed away aged 78 last year. My mum was the eldest daughter although there was only about 7 years between all 5 of them, but she was defacto Mother for sure.

Obviously it’s not the case the big or small families are ‘better’ - some people enjoy being part of a big family and some have a wonderful life as an only child.

Dh is 1 of 4. He liked it well enough to want 4 himself. Bil passed 40 years ago and other Bil is a bitnof a recluse. We see SIL regularly and dh speaks with her weekly. They are loving but not particularly close.

I am 1 of 3 disliked it and I am not close to my siblings.

Our 4 are close vhat regularly but right now are at that age were some are settling down and others are just out of uni.

My mum was one of 7 huge close loving family who all loved it. I will say at my grandmas funeral I asked all 7 "who was her favourite " they all looked sheepish and responded "I was" somehow she had managed to make all 7 feel they were her favourite .

Dad was 1 of 4. He has 2 siblings left. Whon he has a loving and caring relationship with.

Dear sis was one and done and dear bor never had children.

It all depends imo.

I've got one sibling and we rarely see each other, never talk on phone, just the odd text. She bullied me throughout our childhood.

DP had 3 brothers, one of which died,
in his early 40s. He's got one sister, who's done nothing but cause trouble her whole life. His mother was awful to him and the eldest brother. His father is a very kind man, but is weak and never tackled the mother's cruelty. DP is NC with his mother, sister and the youngest brother.

Some people are just fortunate and others not so much.

I don't think its a case of "better". 1 or 2 kids parents can give more financially and emotionally also time wise. Whilst I do believe there's an element of luck I also believe the more kids you have as a bigger family 4 or more theres more personality clashes and more probability of family fallouts/not getting along.

But that’s an individual perspective with your individual values. People who have a good experience of large families would no doubt say that whilst they had less time / less emotional focus from their parents, that was made up for by the sibling relationships. Some people will feel that overall their lives are richer because they were part of a big family, in spite of some inevitable compromises.

One of four, and yes, there is a dynamic which I don't think families with fewer children understand.

None of us went on to have more than two children!

DH and I are both from ( different )blended families and have several full and half siblings each. We decided to only have one child as a result!

Awww. I just thought I would add to your post. In large families when elderly parents need taking care of it usually falls on 1 particular sibling to pick up the slack and the rest often do not bother.

@gotmyselfintoapickle no. As I said its about probability. So whilst you can get large happy families. Theres more people who tell you otherwise and reading this thread goes to show it. Totally agree with @safetyfreak

I’m not disputing you can get unhappy large families. I’m saying that I don’t think it’s clear that one is inherently better because fundamentally it depends what you value, how good a job your parents did and how lucky you are with the personalities of your siblings.

I valued having enough to eat in childhood.

All my siblings and I still avoid shared plate restaurants and buffets where possible, because one of the regular aspects of our large-family childhood was there not being enough food, and, despite now being fairly prosperous adults, whether there’s enough food or someone else being able to take your food still triggers us.