Who do you share you deepest thoughts and feelings with?

[JusSoSad]

Just that really.

Who do you feel safe enough to open up and be truly vulnerable with?

Because I've realised I don't have anyone.

There's no one I feel close enough to to truly be myself.

I think what I'm talking about is how things make you feel about yourself. Or when you doubt yourself.

For example, but not necessarily, not the part where you're telling someone what an absolute dick someone has been to you but the part where you open up about how that makes you feel about yourself.

I just feel very alone.

Nobody here either. DH makes it all about him; my sister is lovely but doesn’t really get it, and most of my friends are busy with kids (I am too - I’m definitely not as available to them as I used to be). I miss talking to friends about stuff, but I’m hoping it’ll rekindle a bit once kids are older.

I keep my deepest thoughts and feelings to myself. I'm not really sure why because when I was younger I very much used to share them with close friends and partners.

I don't know at what point I stopped or why either.

My attitude now is that I could share them, but then I'd have to kill you 😂

@VirtueName I dont know how else to explain this to you.
I am a happy person. That's not to say that negative things have not and do not happen in my life. But I choose not to dwell on those things for long or to share them with others. I am not laughing my head off constantly but I dont want to spread any further negativity with my friends if and when I feel a bit down. I talk to myself and deal with it myself.
A lot of people of my generation do it. Not all, but probably more than younger people.
So why dont you get off my back and stop picking

What generation is this? Because the whole Blitz spirit thing was a propaganda myth.

Your assumption couldn’t be more wrong. I don’t speak from my high horse, but from the experience that comes from an extremely abusive childhood and subsequent marriage, I did exactly what you’re doing, for pretty much the same amount of years. I had years of therapy, reading, working on myself. Rewiring neuro pathways is a relatively simple process. Hyper functioning is not sustainable, something has to give. And I refuse to give up my own well being in the name of ‘it is what it is’, or ‘it’s too late’ or any other self perceived obstacles.
But more importantly, I refuse to be afraid.

When I was growing up in the 70s I don't think people discussed stuff like this. I certainly couldn't have talked to my mother as I'd have just been told to get on with it.
She was a cold hearted old cow who dismissed anything as a piece of nonsense if she hadn't had personal experience of it.

My friends and I are able to share the good and the bad. We don't feel the need to be relentlessly cheery like a game show host. We can share concerns too and help each other out. It would be a superficial friendship if we had to put on a front all the time.

My mum is the one person I trust as she knows me better than anyone. I don't open up to my dh as I don't trust him not to use it against me plus he's not exactly someone who would buoy me up but that's a whole different topic!
From what you've said in this post above, I think you'd be able to open up that side of communication with your dh. He sounds like he just needs you to be open so that he feels like he can do too? Sounds like he does have deeper thoughts even though he's denied it which is what you're doing too by using humour.
Give it a try. Mine isn't a good listener. I'm the good listener generally. You're lucky if your dh is. You might be surprised. I know I'd want to know if anyone in my family was crying before work. You need to share it, even if they can't help, a problem shared etc...I'm sorry you're going through this. That's rough.

My therapist. I'm divorced, so no husband. Plus, my best friend passed away last year, and we used to talk about that kind of stuff. I have other friends, but not the kind I could share very deep thoughts with.

DH or my dog. Often my dog gives better advice and pays more attention.

My DH does the exact same. It’s exhausting so I feel your pain.

I am the same OP. For some reason, it does not bother me. I know I have me and that seems to work now where once it didn't. Not sure why I am at peace with this.

Me too

No it really isn't propaganda. People just didn't talk about feelings and were much more stoical.

I have a couple of friends I could speak to about my feelings if I wanted to. I'm not sure I do though. I can't quite think what sort of scenario you mean with the pissed off thing (I'm sure this is probably me, I'm not saying you aren't explaining it properly)

I think sharing feelings too deeply outside of a therapy session can get complicated tbh

Could you try a therapist? That's what they're there for and also trained to help you navigate your life.

I'm naturally just a deep talker. I'm neurodiverse and hate small talk. I'm lucky and have a partner and close friends who just get me. I have one friend in particular who is also neurodiverse and is like my platonic soulmate. We never have to go through the 'what have you been up to' stuff, we just launch straight into our hyperfixations, politics, and our deep inner thoughts 😂 Nothing is off limits really.

I also have a therapist I've known for a long time, and I am very open with her. I'm naturally quite a 'and how does that make you feel' person anyway, due my job and just my innate personality, so I naturally end up in deep chats. I'm honestly known for being 'intense' and really don't do superficial friendships.

I know a lot of people do find it hard to chat on a deeper level though, especially about things like emotions. I also recognise that a lot of people actually just really struggle to reflect internally and have limited insight into their internal world. I spend a lot of time thinking about my parenting and my unconscious thoughts/why I'm feeling the way I am, whereas I appreciate a lot of people don't do this and probably don't want to.

It's important to find people you can connect with emotionally, whatever that might mean for you, but it is difficult.

No one really. My wife is useless at that stuff so I just sort my own problems out..!

My therapist, and thank God she's happy to listen to me, as I pretty much just use her as a sounding board, rather than actual counselling.

I find everyone already has their own problems, and always manage to turn the conversation back to themselves.

My mom for example, if I tell her I'm tired, she too is tired, in fact she hasn't slept in 40 years!

My sister is a good listener but then also has her own problems and sorrows, so I don't always feel comfortable unloading mine onto her.

My best friend, love her as I do, lives in fluffy bunny land, everything is flowers & candy (according to her) and she just can't seem to grasp that life can be pretty shit for other people, this makes her a bad listener as she glosses over everything, then change the subject back to her new nail polish colour.

So I bottle things up for 2 weeks, then offload to my therapist - wonderful woman!

My PT. I worked out I have spent approx 300 hours in their company so far. They know more about me than some of my mates and family!

My therapist.

You overheard your partner sharing and have realised that you know nothing about his true feelings, fears etc and this has unsettled you (but you also don't share these things with him). The obvious solution here is to begin a dialogue with him. "I was surprised by what you said as I always imagine you are just fine with everything, it made me reflect that neither of us share our true feelings and that makes me a bit sad".

However, your posts allude to the issue being with you not feeling safe or even able to have therapy. You mention past therapy. It sounds like there might be a lot going on for you, maybe some unprocessed trauma that you carry with you amd are scared to share and because of that you feel like you are holding yourself back.

My closest person is dh. I don't feel like I need to tell all my deepest thoughts to him. I had some crappy things happen growing up, I don't need to tell him all about that because I feel like it's done and in the past. If I'm having a shit time at work now, or struggling to deal with a difficult relative or my mental health now then I 100% share those things. To me it sounds like you can't share the now because it's all tangled up with the past. I would agree with others that you probably need some professional help to deal with this.

My husband and my best friends.

Only my husband. Although my sister too unless those feelings were about her lol.