Wife has moved out and I am struggling to understand why

[Twoboys01]

Hi
My wife has just moved out. She has suffered depression for a few years but thought we were doing ok with it. She fell out with our eldest and hasn’t spoken to him for a few months now. Our youngest is split 50/50 and eldest with me full time. I’m not sure if it’s because of me or our eldest who she doesn’t get on with or depression why she has gone but doesn’t seem right to me? Could also be she’s met someone else which she says she hasn’t.

not sure if anyone has been in this situation before and got any advise? She has also fell out with other family members and doesn’t speak to them anymore either.

Have you not asked her why?

Women are not some hive mind. We can't magically see what your STBXW is thinking.
Your timeline is very confused. You say you have 50/50 with her with the youngest but she just moved out. Which is it?
Just talk to her.

Is the mn typical response is that “she’s found another man…. They never move out without having someone else to move on with”?

I'm sorry you're in this position.

It sounds like she was very unhappy and communication between you both doesn't seem very good. If you'd like to work at things perhaps you could reach out to her and ask if she's willing to talk things through or try Relate, when she's ready.

Was because of our eldest to start. Then me. Then not me.

So when she said it was you - did she say anything more specific?

A few people have said there must be someone else but she’s adamant there isn’t.

Dear MN can you mindread for me, because I am incapable of having an adult conversation with my wife which involves talking about her feelings...

...ah.

There maybe a few clues in here somewhere if you think about this hard enough.

If you have a child living with you that your wife won't speak to then it is probably for the best that she moves out. Is your eldest a child or an adult?

She’s lying, there’s the OM but she’ll expect you to fund her, take care of the dc the she’ll fleece you in the divorce

I think it’s because she was unhappy not because she found someone.
How old are children?

Me not helping enough mainly. I work 45 hours a week do shopping, cooking, cleaning, ironing and try to help out so she has less to do. Was she couldn’t stand to be in the same house as our eldest as well tho

Eldest if fine. Our youngest is struggling and just wants to be with me and his brother.

🙁Whats the issue with your eldest son? Why don't they speak or get on?

How old are your kids?

She moved out a week ago and the plan it to be 50/50

What was the fall-out with your eldest about and did you support her?

What is her problem with the eldest? And how old is the eldest? Unless the eldest is an adult and done something truly horrific then it sounds like it’s for the best that she’s left as that’s awful to just ignore your own child.

The age of the eldest is very relevant. If she has 'fell out' with an 8 year old, and there were no signs of her being a terrible person before, I'd say it's likely there are some serious mental health issues going on. If she has fell out with a 20 year old who is very disrespectful, maybe you're both the problem because you've allowed or modeled poor treatment of your wife. Big maybe, but that is what comes to mind.

Kids Are 8 and 15. Eldest was getting into a bit of trouble. Nothing bad just kids messing around and they fell out about it all.

I’m assuming she wanted him to stop getting into trouble. Did you back her on this when addressing your eldest or did you undermine her?

where has she moved to? How old are the childten?

What was he doing exactly? You think it's nothing bad, she thinks it is enough to stop talking to a child and move out, then say she is moving out because of you 'not helping enough'. Does she mean not helping enough with teaching your child right from wrong?

Wow, discarding a 15yr old is disgraceful. Get therapy for the child, he’ll need it, I speak from experience.
Do you want to stay married to someone who stonewalls a child? Not sure how 50% parenting works with 45 hour work weeks.

Yes we both wanted him to not get in trouble. He got grounded phone taken of him ect. I backed her up on most things but she was very harsh on him