I am at the end of the road with my DS21 drinking.
Over the last 4 years there have been so many nights of really drunken behaviour, where he becomes someone completely different. This could be that he becomes really distressed over something in his life, or becomes abusive towards me when I’m trying to check on him for whatever reason, coming home with no keys/phone, to be physically brought home by friends. I could go on, but I don’t really want to.
He’s out a lot, on average 2/3 nights a week, but some weeks it could be as many as five nights, ranging from one drink to who knows how many. We can go weeks without any issues, but last night has been another particularly drunken night where he’s been brought home and I’ve when I checked on him, it’s escalated and I’ve been told to fuck off, etc.
I can’t continue to live like this, wondering what he’ll be like when he comes home, (if he comes home). And it scares me that a future partner would be living this.
I’m due to go on holiday and I know ok hounding to fully enjoy it for fear of what’s happening at home.
Anyway, to get to the point, I think the time has come for me to tell him he needs to move out. I don’t want it to come across as an ultimatum, because if know problem drinkers likely won’t respond well to that.
But the fact is, his drinking is the only reason. When he’s not drinking, I adore him. He’s never given me any trouble apart from when drunk. It’s just us in the house and there are no issues, no disrespect, no swearing at each other. I know I’ll be lost without him here.
I just don’t know how to handle this now. I’ve tried and tried to explain the possible consequences to him of getting so drunk, and nothing is changing.
I go on holiday in a few days and I worry that if I discuss moving out with him, that he’ll take that as a rejection and then spend my time away getting hammered, with who knows what consequences. But he could be doing that anyway.
Please help me. I don’t want this to be my son’s life forever.