Dating and ghosting. How common is it?

[DiamondW]

Bit of an embarrassing one, but here goes…

I’ve been single for 9 years and in that time i have not had any dates at all. It genuinely wasn’t a conscious decision just the way things ended up.

Anyway I can't do it anymore! It's was never meant to be this long 😅 Im in my 30s and I’d quite like to start dating again. The thing that’s really holding me back is the fear of sleeping with someone and then being ghosted straight afterwards.

I’m not looking for a proposal or even necessarily a serious relationship from the outset, but being treated as though I never existed after sleeping with someone would really knock me, ghosting someone after sleeping with them just seems really cruel.

Reading online (and on here sometimes), it seems really common..

I won't be announcing how long it's been on the first date and probably not until after and I also have no intention of sleeping with anyone straight away. I’d want to get to know someone first.

Is ghosting after sex actually as common as it sounds? And is there anything you can do to reduce the chances of it happening, or do you just have to accept it as one of the risks of dating?

I mean there’s two options then, don’t sleep with them for a long time or, sleep with them relatively early as a “just for fun and to see if they are compatible in the bedroom” thing and that way if they ghost, it might still sting but it’s better than if they ghosted when you actually like them.

Chances are it might not be that good anyway and you'll be relieved if they ghost.

I like the idea of early in theory but realistically there isn’t enough raw animal magnetism there for most, so I find myself just trying to get to know them for a few months and not even thinking about sex. Which imo isn’t ideal cause men usually decide if they like you… enough, early on. And you end up feeling the pressure, even if they aren’t remotely putting any on you.

That’s why online dating isn’t ideal for me. I’d like to know someone for a bit in their natural environment and see them without any pressure.

Just saying that if early sex is a usually a no no for you, might find online dating a bit..not your jam.

A lot of MNetters are very keen on ghosting.

"You don't owe him an explanation of why you don't want to see him agan".

"It was only one date, just block him".

I've read these comments and similar a lot over the years.

Personally I think if someone isn't mature enough to send a quick message, they shouldn't be dating anyone.

In my experience if men just want sex they will play the game as long as it takes, whether that’s 3 dates or 3 months. My advice would be develop a tough skin and keep an eye out for red flags. That’s all you can do really.

I haven’t had sex in 9 years so I won’t be sleeping with anyone straight away they will definitely be waiting as long as possible 🤣 if they don’t want to wait thats fine at least it weeds out some of the ones just after sex

Yeah I think sometimes this is the case.

Moreso infact that it's not usually that they wany sex, but that they want the ego validation of you liking them. Which is even worse.

A player with loads of options might not bother wasting his time but, they aren't generally the problem as they are usually pretty obvious to spot.

It the ones that are in the long game that are the bastards.

Agree with pps, you have to take it as a "fixed cost" of dating. Some people spend longer on the apps and chat for ages.

I try to get in quick and meet quick and have the mindset of it being a random chaotic month of meeting new people. A month is enough 🤣😅

It still can be pretty gruelling and depressing and you meet the worst of humanity even if you're not having any sex! I tend to "do well" overall but it's still a bit of a slog and takes it toll on my mental health.

Some ok people on online dating apps but the bad manners and weird behavior are completely off the scale.

The most active users (the guys you're most likely to meet) are often weird or married or desperate for sex (often all three).