Feel so unappreciated and run to the ground

[BoyMamma0706]

I am so fed up of the same things every day. I have a newborn baby at home as well as two other children (11 and 2) and I am literally doing everything (cooking, cleaning, washing, tidying up and looking after the kids) and my partner does nothing. Yes he works and I'm currently on maternity from work but he does nothing to help out, he'll sit there and watch me do everything. I'm up every night with my baby for feeds as my partner won't get up. I'll take the baby in the living room for a feed then put him back to sleep in the bouncy chair and that's when I'll end up going back to sleep on the settee.

My eleven year old is very hard work, he doesn't listen and needs a lot of prompting in the morning to get ready for school, he also has an attitude as well. My toddler has communication difficulties and is nonverbal which frustrates him and has lots of meltdowns which are really bad to the point where I'm the one dealing with them as my partner loses his patience very quickly and then we end up arguing. He also takes his moods, tiredness, anger and frustration out on me (verbally) quite a lot. I don’t feel appreciated or desired anymore.

I've been talking to another lad online for months now (since the end of January) and it's been very intense to the point where boundaries have been crossed. I've developed very strong feelings for this person and we've told each other that we love each other. We've had some explicit conversations as well as spoke over the phone sexually (over the phone after I had my baby). When I told him I didn't feel great in my body being pregnant as I was quite ill, he told me I was sexy and wanted to sleep with me whilst I was pregnant. He's also told me that I'm an amazing mother. I had my baby at the end of April and during this time, he got into a relationship with another woman. We wished each other well and stopped communicating for about ten days when he messaged again saying that he missed our talks and things got back to how they were. We want to meet up (he lives four hours away from me) and he's said he'd come down and book a hotel to stay at so we could see each other). I know deep down we can't be together because of the distance plus we both have partners and it's breaking my heart.

I love my kids more than anything and I wouldn’t change them. I feel so depressed and I'm so tired, I could cry. The cycle that I'm stuck in is horrible and I can't see any other way out.

Just be careful not to troll hunt because you could end up getting banned. If you don't think the thread is genuine then report it to MN.
Another thread was taken down today because of "troll hunting".

@hamse it's not a troll post

I didn't say it was.
I said if people think it is they should report it rather than troll hunting on the thread.

@hamse was just saying that it's not xx

Why do you think this man you've never met is the answer? You need to talk to your partner about his need to step up and parent the children alongside you. Disappearing into a fantasy and having phone sex with a stranger isn't going to help matters.

How are you going to find time to meet in a hotel if your baby daddy won't look after any of his kids? Where is he when you're talking to this new twat?

Sorry about your situation, but you would do better speaking to your GP rather than Mumsnet. You do need help IRL. All the best to you and your DC.

Is this the pregnancy sex Herbert again?

OP, you got 99 problems and you want more? Stop messaging this ‘lad’

This has social services written all over it

@RydellHighSchool excuse me?!!!!!

You show a lack of ability to make good choices. To have had another when you already had 2 children with challenges, first of all. And I assume the toddler and newborn have the same father? Because if so, he’d have shown you he was useless aged ago, so more poor judgement to have had a third.

Is your baby sleeping in a bouncy chair at night time? Please stop that no matter how tired you are as it’s a real asphyxiation risk, but they shouldn’t sleep on the sofa with you either - you need to be back in bed, baby is a safe sleeping space, and your partner on the sofa if you can’t sleep together

Yes?!!!!!!!!!!

I have no newborn yet no energy for sex texting …. Wild.

I agree that you're better forgetting about your online acquaintance, @OP. I understand that you're feeling unloved, but you're just adding needless complication to your life - and this chap is clearly using you. There's no way he's going to want a real relationship, given your circumstances.

I agree that you should see your GP. If you tell your husband that your GP has diagnosed exhaustion, is there any possibility that he will take notice of that and step up to an extent? What does he imagine will happen when your maternity leave is over?

We can but hope @RydellHighSchool

If this is real: ffs sort your life out.
If this is not real: ffs sort your life out.

spot on response!! If it isn’t real, you definitely still have serious issues to address @BoyMamma0706

Some real arseholes on this thread OP, just ignore them.

The harsh truth though, is that you have been groomed online whilst you are vulnerable.

That man enjoys controlling you by telling you what you want to hear, and getting you to fall for him.

Hard as it is, dump him, get through the baby and toddler stage and then make serious decisions about your life.

Dump the useless partner for a start and stop engaging with the fantasy of the online one. Do you genuinely think he will make the relentlessness of your dad to day life easier?
Fix the real life mess you are in instead of adding to it.
Get rid of the partner and build a happy and safe life for you and your children. You're doing it all anyway, don't be scared of being alone.

Life was always going to be hard with a third child if you have a partner that doesn't do very much to support you. You have a baby, it's really hard as you know, but it won't last forever.

I think you need to sit down with your partner and tell him how you feel. He assumes because he works then you should do everything else but his job is not 24 -7 whilst yours is. So work out what support is he going to give you at weekends and when he is home from work.

As to the online man, it is just a fantasy and you need to stop it right now. It is not possible to have true feelings for someone you've never even met so it is a fantasy. I can see how it could be a welcome distraction, but it is just a distraction it's not real! Why waste your time.

Oh come the fuck on. She’s not a vulnerable child, she’s apparently a grown woman who’s chosen to have 3 children with a useless man and an online affair.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across like that! How much interest does he take in the dc from day to day? Does he actually view any of the parenting as something he needs to get involved in?