Not all couples talk?

[whomoon]

I broke my friends trust, by mistake, and told my DH a conversation my friend and I had.

I had been out with my friend for a meal and we were chatting about something she’s considering doing and wanted my advice. We haven’t seen each other in nearly a year, and it’s something she has been considering doing since we last met, so it was a continuation almost of that conversation.

when I got home to DH, he asked how my friend was so I just shared what we talked about. He gave some good insights and advice and I texted my friend to share what my DH thought.

Friend said I shouldn’t have told him, told me he shouldn’t repeat it to anyone (they’ve met once, no mutual friends) and that she told me it in confidence.

I don’t recall being told it was in confidence but accepted and apologised for my mistake. However it got me thinking, I would assume a married couple shared things with each other? If I told a friend something, I would assume she would share it with her DH as they’re married. If it was so intensely private, I just wouldn’t share it with my friend.

My DH said some couples just don’t talk. is that the case in your couples? I know I was wrong for sharing something my friend didn’t want sharing, and the reason I shared something flippantly with my DH is I deemed it not a sensitive topic, hence freely texting her my DH’s advice not thinking it was an issue to share.

It made me curious if we’re too open with each other and shouldn’t talk about others? But surely people do? It’s like saying ‘I’m not supposed to tell you so pretend you don’t know’ which is blatantly lying.

I don’t know, interested to see the dynamic in other couples.

I would assume my friends would know Id talk to DP. Id tell him, how they were, stuff they said..

However if they specifically said, dont tell anyone/this is in confidence/keep it secret or equivalent then I wouldnt tell anyone including DP. Unless perhaps they'd confided something that made me so worried about them and then I needed a confidant.

I really cannot express enough how much I detest this line of thinking. I am not one half of a unit. I am an individual, as is my partner, and the fact we’ve chosen to be in a romantic relationship has absolutely no bearing or relevance on our individual friendships. Couples are two individual people who’ve joined forces on some aspects of life.

I’d been incredibly pissed off as your friend.

I never expect anything I say to a friend to be bandied about as gossip to their partner/husband. That’s such a massive breach. Talk about your own stuff/views/issues to your partner, don’t start gabbing about someone else’s business!!

My DH would have zero interest in what I talk about with friends.

Heck no. Anything that comes up for discussion between me and my friends goes no further, and I’d be horrified if my friends relayed things back to their other halves.

A long time ago good friends of ours told 'us' they were expecting a baby. The friends had previously agreed they were not telling anyone yet, but one told my husband in confidence, the other told me.
It never occurred to either of us to discuss between us. Weeks later once they more publicly announced, it came out that we both knew and had not even told each other. We have forever more been known for our trustworthiness.

This.

My benchmark is usually: "Would my friend have said this to me if DP was sitting at the table with us?"

If yes, I'll share it. If not, I won't. If I'm not sure, I'll err on the side of 'no'.

It's not hard.

Agree. I don't even know everything about my own sister.

Why would one feel the need to tell a partner everything about a friend.

Of course couples talk, just as mums and daughters talk, but still wouldn't tell my mum every conversation I have with DSis.

No, I do not tell DH personal things about my friends if I think those things are very sensitive. It is not his business. Once heard, I “forget” them unless my friend brings it up again.