How do you split housework with your partner? Especially if they moved in with you?

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Just wondering how couples fairly split housework, cleaning and cooking etc?

my partner moved into my home, he works longer hours and is out for more hours.

Just wondering how others split things fairly?

i know some couples where the woman is a stay at home mum and the man pays for everything and the woman does pretty much all cooking and cleaning.

but if both partners are paying around the same amount how do you split house work?

Wow that commute sounds awful - he must really love you to put up with that!!

We both hate cleaning so we have a cleaner. I cook, he washes up and cleans down the kitchen and does the bins. We generally do DIY and gardening together. We both do washing when it’s needed. I do financial admin (but most of it is Direct Debit so it sorts itself out). Neither of us feel we are overly burdened with housework. Our bathroom doesn’t seem to need more than a once weekly clean (might wipe the taps which takes seconds, and spray the shower screen).

I think I might tell him it seems to you it isn't working out and would he like to consider moving out again. When he picks up his jaw from the floor, explain you are doing all the cooking and cleaning and, even though you have mentioned it several times, you have seen no change. You are not willing to act as his parent to allocate him tasks and you expect him to pull his weight and not treat you as his skivvy. Given he is unable to, you are suggesting one solution would be for him to move out because otherwise you are starting to feel resentful and you are afraid it will impact on your relationship.

My DP doesnt officially live with us full time, but when he is here he contributes 50/50 to the jobs and the children's homework, clubs and school runs.
Some jobs are solely "his" he cleans the shower every day hes here and always hoovers upstairs as that neefs doing less than downstairs. When he is here he cooks and I wash up.
He offers to help with other things too and takes the load off me if im tired and I do the same for him.
He works 2 jobs as well so more hours than me.
Thought this might give you an insight as you phrase it as someone moving into your home....and it might be useful to see what someone does even if they dont actually live here 😊

If it was me at this moment in time...

I would do all (well, 95%) of the food shop, cooking (unless say I am out and she is in), all of the DIY and grass cutting. As I work from home most of the time would probably do most of the washing/drying and general tidying inc. dust and hoover.

I would prefer her to do ironing (she likes, I dont), weeding (she likes). Probably split bathrooms although would prefer to delegate that

Give him a list, clean bathroom, kitchen etc. If he finds time to go to the gym most evenings he will find enough energy for these mundane tasks.
If he lived on his own beforehand, then he knows the drill. Use the washing machine, vacuum cleaner, dishwasher etc. Otherwise a life of resentment with a lazy arse.

During your partners working week as he goes gym after work could he not batch cook meals for the week at the weekend so when he gets in he can just reheat his food etc giving yourself some chill time or you can get on with what you need to do for yourself as for household jobs ask him which jobs he would prefer to do so it's split easily

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My DH would never help with housework even though we both work long hours.
And it's a large house. So - he started paying for a cleaner around 4 years ago - an absolute godsend and relieves his guilt.
It also makes him be tidy so the cleaner can clean - man piles (you know what they are - those little piles of dumped things that grow) moved - win win .

If you are partners, you should end up with equal amounts of leisure.

His gym time counts as leisure.

if all the work still falls to you because he works extreme hours and you aren’t sharing money, that situation also doesn’t work. There is a certain bare minimum level as well that each person needs to contribute that at least covers their own incremental increase caused by being in the space.

You feel this because he should be cleaning the toilet.
also this: ‘I just don’t know how it can be more balanced as he works longer hours and then goes to the gym most evenings.’
so is not very available for housework because on top of working long hours his useful time goes into his hobby. What does he do when you’re not around? Because single people need to eat and do their washing even if they don’t get home till 10pm. I’d rethink moving in because if he’s only going to clean in his spare time after he’s looked after himself then he doesn’t have enough time to clean.
he could cook in the evening for the next night so you can go to the gym after work and still get dinner. Just one example. I wouldn’t move him in though, when half the house load is not on his radar, including toilets. Cannot imagine the resentment I’d have for a man who thought toilet cleaning was my job.

Two people do not require a dishwasher

You say he pays for extras so it sounds like u have got a fair deal to me

I'm not sure I agree with this. Bathroom and kitchen are left clean and tidy by everyone here - the maker of mess cleans it up. The cleaner vacuums and mops weekly - it doesn't need doing inbetween. Why do you need to vacuum multiple times a week?

In my view, each partner should have the same amount of free time. DH is a workaholic and was very honest at the beginning that he wouldn't be cleaning or doiing housework. He has never had an issue paying a cleaner, even when I was a SAHM. He doesn't shop or cook or do laundry. I do that and the cleaner irons.

DH has always done the bills, the outside paintwork, bins and sweeping and is very tidy. He unloads the dishwasher a couple of times a week and makes the bed every morning. He is very very tidy. I have never had to pick up anything after him and if he makes tea/coffee/toast etc, he wipes up and leaves everything clean and tidy. He will straighten towels in the airing cuoboard - fussy sod.

It's worked for us for 37 years. A beautiful house, school fees for the DC and plenty of money have all helped.

I think every adult should do their own clothes washing. Sorting, washing, drying, folding laundry takes a LOT of time - just have two baskets and you each do your own. If he doesn't stay on top of it, he doesn't have clean clothes.