Am I wasting my life?

[Slushies]

Ive been single and celibate (not really through choice) for almost 10 years. Mainly down to circumstances (lone parent have the kids full time) I mentioned it on another group and people thought it was crazy and that I was “wasting my life away” 😅 i dont know how it got so long it’s gone pretty quick tbh the longer you leave it then easier it has become. Someone said they haven’t had sex in 2 years and it was “so long they felt like a virgin again” and I was just thinking wow thats not even long I could easily do another 2 years on top without thinking about it. But now im starting to think am I crazy? Am I wasting my life? Should I get myself back out there? Ive only finally started to get some free time to myself but the catch is it’s during school hours 😌 (Im not asexual)

It’s was just on a group I was talking on and it came up in conversation, I didn’t expect people to go so crazy about it! I’ve had fwb in the past when I was young and pre children but that wasn’t my personal experience my personal experience was they tried not to get me hooked 🤣

If you’re not miserable then you’re not wasting your life. If you find the right person, great- without any person, great too! As someone fluctuating between happy and not mostly because of ‘my’ person - meh to having to have someone to make you happy!!!

I wouldn't call it wasting your life, I'd call it prioritising your children. I'd do the same.

Nine years for me. I’m 51. I can’t see it ever changing. Kids doing A levels. Single parent. I had cancer in 2019/20 and it ravaged me physically and emotionally. I’m covered in scars. Nobody ever looks at me. But I don’t feel any physical sense of loss. The only time I get a bit choked up is when I see couples in M&S getting food for tea on Saturdays together. It’s that domestic companionship I do miss.

I’ve been celibate almost 2 years but before that the only sex I had since my marriage ended was with a nightmare of a man who was hot and cold and messed up my head completely. At the time it really lowered my enjoyment of life and my ability to care for my children. The sex wasn’t even that great, I couldn’t relax and enjoy it. It did way more harm than good. There’s not a day goes by that I’m not grateful to be free of him and just having a life that’s peaceful. I applaud you for happily putting your kids first instead of thinking being single = miserable. I think maybe you could have met someone decent but there are some real arseholes out there.

If you're happy, you do you.
If you actually want to do things differently, many of us are in the same boat and can share suggestions.
I have my kids full time, but am not celibate. For a long time I had a Tuesday night FWB. But as far as my kids knew, I had a Tuesday night exercise class. And as far as my babysitter knew, I had a Tuesday night exercise class very far away which is why I was out so late on Tuesdays. Worked for everyone.

If you're happy enough with your lot then no, I don't think so.

I wouldn’t hire a babysitter I don’t know. I’d rather stay celibate 🤣 maybe to some thats weird (i dont judge those that do though just not for me)

I've been a single parent and celibate for coming up 8 years.
I've not dated or had any kind of relationship.

I have no help or support with my 4dc. So theres no point joining dating sites etc.

I rarely tell people I'm celibate as i find people are so shocked. I went through the menopause at 41 and I'm 52 now. Absolutely zero labido.
I have no need or desire for a partner/boyfriend.

My friends are all man mad and up to all sorts of mischief. I've their stories but cant think of anything worse.

Each to their own!

I think the question is, are you happy? If yes, it doesnt matter.

Well I wouldn’t say I was 100% happy, but it’s just the way things ended up

I’ve not had sex since I split from my husband 7yrs ago. I am a bit older than you though and split in early 40s. I get a lot of people asking me if I miss sex, but that makes me laugh as I know a lot of them are in rubbish fairly passionless marriages. And sex toys have come a long way….

It’s ridiculous to say that, just because you’ve not had sex/ relationships you’ve wasted your life. Much the same could be said for all those in shit relationships.

if you’re happy being single and celibate. Great. If you’re not, then get out there. And entirely ignore busybodies opinions.

Me too. We should have celibate partnerships shouldn’t we. A best friend you spend loads of your time with like a partner. I’d love that. I prefer women to hang with anyway

Well you were getting exercise. No lie there

I think my age plays a part as im 37 and haven’t had sex since I was 28. I mean would I have chosen this life? No, but it’s just the way things ended up.

@Robogob@Lowandhandhold

This is exactly how I see it. I’m content on my own; largely happy, self sufficient and ‘on paper’ no need for a relationship.

However wouldn't it be lovely to have someone to do things with / do nothing with? (As @Robogobsays - it’s the domestic companionship/ M&S scenario- the most mundane of things that you miss)

I’m lucky In that I have lovely close female friends and we support each other and laugh a lot. But wouldn’t it be amazing to find that in a partnership? Only the right partnership though. I have no desire to put up with drama,picking up boxers and towels left on the floor, manbabies or uselessness and I certainly don’t want to live with a man again either.

Only the life enhancing stuff or I wouldn’t bother. I’m happy enough single.

I didn't feel the lack of a partner, but then my previous partners were all a bit upsetting and hard work - and I was glad not to have that around my children. The one time I had a crush on someone (and zero happened) it really disrupted my attention from the kids, in a negative way (it didn't go well) and they still talk about it! I think of it as time stolen from them.
I did have an extremely close friend and I think that filled in a lot of the relationship gap as I always had someone to share, support and talk to, but sadly she isn't around any longer. What I miss now, in my new empty and friend free nest, is easy affection and companionship, the sort of day to day intimacy that I used to share with my children, eating meals together, going on mini adventures. I'd like that now, but I'm not sure I had the space for it back then, so I don't regret my choice.

Of course you're not wasting your life, and it's pretty offensive for anyone to say you are, just because you're not smushing your genitals together and exchanging bodily fluids with someone else on the regular.

I think it reflects more on the people who make that type of comment than it does on you, tbh. Perhaps shows how little else they have going on in their life that they consider having sex as the ultimate measure of whether you're 'wasting' life or not.

It never ceases to amaze me how bothered or opinionated people can be about other people's lives and things that don't affect them in any way at all. Ask yourself this: are you happy right now? If the answer is yes, then who cares what anyone else thinks?

And maybe in future, keep things like this to yourself. When someone starts asking you how often you have sex or when the last time was, simply say 'it's none of your business'.

I don’t have children and have been single a while. I am sure if I wanted casual sex I could get it, but it’s not what I want. I don’t see why you are ‘wasting your life’ because you are not having sex. I’d rather quality and it be with someone decent over quantity.