Partner watching more am i being unreasonable

[slighlyoverit]

do you consider your dp watching porn as cheating? Especially after you had been intimate the night before and then in the middle of the day he just watches porn. Or whilst im sleeping. He denied it but I coincidentally seen the phone history due to being logged into the same google account.

I don’t think it’s cheating, I do however think it can make you see someone in a different light, especially if itsall secretive or very very frequent or if like my H pretended they were totally against it , whilst using it most days the minute I left the house.

You can’t expect your opinions to be taken seriously when you call porn prostitution. They are actors and actresses. Would you consider Golden Globe winner Chloe Sevigny a prostitute? She was in a Palme d’Or nominated movie in which her sex scenes weren’t simulated?

I could list a number of mainstream movies with non-simulated sex scenes, are these starring prostitutes? you can’t view the world so black and white

Its not about telling them what to do but it would make them uncomfortable if i watched it. When they start saying to you they wish you had breast fillers or other things that feel like they have a fetish is a little uncomfortable especially when you not long ago had a baby and its changed your body and you dont look like the porn stars

Ultimately you have to decide where your boundaries are and stop policing others based on your preferences. I personally couldn’t give a flying fuck if my husband took himself off for a wank while watching porn as long as the participants were obviously adult . What would cross the line for me would be doing that in PREFERENCE to having sex with me. I’m pleased to say that in 35 years of marriage this has never been the case .
However this is MY boundary. Not yours. If any form of porn watching is unacceptable then you need to separate as he is either going to lie or ignore your wishes. What he is not going to do is- is stop.

Im not policing anyone it was just a post asking for opinions as so many other posters do
not a big deal

That's what I used to think too, mostly because our society now normalises porn, but what they are doing is thoroughly part of prostitution.

They not fake having sex on camera. They are having actual sex with a stranger which they're usually doing for money. The money they get may not be coming from a single audience member, but that money is coming from somewhere.

Let's say someone hired two people to have sex in front of them in a hotel room, for them to watch masturbate to. Maybe they partly paid for that, or maybe their mates paid for it, would you say that isn't prostitution, just because they're watching? The only difference here is that there is also a camera there and it's being broadcasted to thousands, sometimes millions of people who are either pay or don't pay.

People think of it as acting partly because they associate it with studio settings. It would be quite a weak argument to make because today, with the presence of the internet in everybody's lives and the ease with which people can make material themselves, porn is no longer just occurring in studio settings in front of professional cameras. It's happening in that hotel room and being broadcasted.

It's also irrelevant if it's happening in a studio or not - it's still a commercial activity. Whether or not they're doing that in front of a camera in someone's bedroom, or doing it in professional type studios, there is money being exchanged somewhere and that is prostitution.

Ultimately you have to decide where your boundaries are and stop policing others based on your preferences

Give over 😂 You sound like a surrendered wife, making this sort of statement.

This isn't about 'policing people' or just having 'preferences'.

Porn watching is viewed by many women as adulterous behaviour since the men are actively seeking out other women. They have a very strong argument for viewing it this way - those women aren't fake women - they are real human beings, and today, the porn that a lot of younger men watch is on social media platforms where those women can interact with them back, if they want. That wasn't the case so much in the past when they were restricted to watching porn on VHS.

By the time they're 30, men today have probably seen and masturbated to more naked women that many warlord or conquerors would have has access to in their entire lifetimes, even if that were an extremely high number. Men can watch other women sexually when they're in the bathroom, when they're waiting for someone in the car and other scenarios. T

This type of sexual availability of other women is unprecedented, and women should not be demonised for questioning or objecting to that.

Thank you for that @EarthSight

Because it exploits women.

So to clarify, a movie that was nominated for a film award at Cannes, and starred a golden globe winning actress was actually prostitution? Come on.

Legally pornography is not prostitution. Prostitution involves being paid to engage directly with a client for the client’s gratification. In pornography the actors and actresses are paid by the adult entertainment studio, for resale/profit, not at all for the client’s gratification. The client (movie studio) then sell the footage to their clients for their sexual gratification. You see how the person having the sex is not at all engaging with the person who is paying them…if the movie studio exec was sat in the corner masturbating then it would be different because the porn actress is effectively directly engaged with with client. But the viewer of porn is not the client of the actress.

I don’t class it as cheating and wouldn’t be particularly bothered unless it was impacting our sex life really, but that’s me.

Women in porn earn on average 2.5 to 3 times as much as men in (heterosexual) porn. I don’t think I could name another industry where women have such favourable earnings ratios.

Consenting adults should be free to choose how they use their bodies and sexuality, and a sexual activity does not become exploitative/degrading just because it is recorded or paid for. Many women are empowered in the industry and have been able to forge incredible careers and future success. As long as the environment is respectful to all, and nobody is doing anything they are unhappy with then there should be no problem.

We can’t tell people they should feel exploited or degraded because they have been paid. To a person who is willing to do porn it could be no different for them doing that vs working in a shop, and one would get them paid more for fewer hours.

I wouldn't say it was cheating but I don't think it's healthy and I do think that the women in them are often victims of exploitation and so I'd definitely be disappointed and turned off a man who disregarded that just to get himself off.

So you don't think any of the women are coerced?You don't think the images of forced/violent sex don't have an impact on woman and girl safety? You don't think for every 10 woman who are rich and successful from it, there's plenty more that aren't. What do you think happens to those women when they become 'too old' for porn films?

To a person who is willing to do porn it could be no different for them doing that vs working in a shop

It really isn't. For any type of woman. In no other line of 'work' does your boss or your customer get to enter your body like this. Even if one hated a job in an office or down at a factory, sex for women is far more of a vulnerable experience than it is for men, and the repercussions they face when they leave prostitution is different to that of men. I you don't recognise these things or try to downplay how important they are, you are a walking red flag.

It a fundamental biological fact that cannot be wished away for convenience. Other than a tiny exception of unusual women, prostitution and other types of sexual services as disproportionally populated by damaged and previously sexually abused women, and they leave prostitution with further trauma.

People are very invested in the happy hooker myth, but the truth of what it's like to work in the sex industry for the vast majority of women involved in it is very different.

You know that isn’t what I’m saying, I specifically state ‘As long as the environment is respectful to all, and nobody is doing anything they are unhappy with then there should be no problem.’ So you can stop twisting that for a start.
And those who retire from it probably become just like any other job with a short career span, like sports people, models, actors, etc…they’ll become SAHMs, trophy wives, camera women, directors, writers, go back to college and get their degrees and become accountants, open an Etsy store selling home made jewellery. Honestly your replies are tiresome.

I don’t believe in ‘happy hookers’ but this refers to prostitution not porn.

im very concerned that you dont seem to be able to differentiate between porn and prostitution. And that porn is consensual even if the actress pretends it isn’t. In the type of porn that is more extreme the actresses usually appear on camera as themselves first, and introduce themselves to show it is all fake force

Yes, porn is disgusting and there is no reason anyone should be looking at porn.

Not cheating, but pretty gross

@Boreded

In the type of porn that is more extreme the actresses usually appear on camera as themselves first, and introduce themselves to show it is all fake force

My God. How utterly naive you are.

lol one of us watches porn and the other doesn’t?

What if they were watching live torture, say?

Real torture or Torture Porn?

if there is a crime being committed that would be the end of my relationship.

if there wasn’t then it would be a very interesting conversation. I don’t mind what kinks a person has, but if it were my own husband that had bizarre kinks I would need to understand them and what they meant to him. It’s a bit of a mad hypothetical because my husband is boring in his tastes so he isn’t watching anything like that. I think if it was something that he wanted to be involved with directly though then for me that would be a hard no as I am not participating and I won’t be in a relationship that isn’t 💯 monogamous.

I think it would probably be a really tough one for me though if he had a kink I couldn’t rationalise, like torture porn.

To be clear though, all of my comments are based upon my husband not actually wanting to hurt women. If he actually wanted to hurt women or got off on that then it is a no brainer, out of the door he would go.