Six years together and he still will not say he loves me

[2kids2cats80]

Just hoping someone actually reads this, I'm a bit bloody lost...I'm 46, divorced since 38 and have been in a relationship for 6 years. I'm fiercely independent due to losing everything and having to completely rebuild my life. Met my partner just over 6 years ago, similar situations but he's come out the other side much better off than myself. I had to rebuild a career, get back on the property ladder, the usual stuff when you've had 2 children and relied on a husband to keep the money coming in. I've done OK, have my own little place and am well on the way to a better financial future, although it's still extremely tight at the moment! We've always been clear that living together is not an option and marriage is definitely not on the cards, but after 6 years together he's still very reluctant to say those 3 little words, I always say it first and it's really getting me down now. I just messaged him with a screen shot of the very first text conversation we had just over 6 years ago with a follow up of "love you" he's read it and not replied!! I know he's out with a group of friends but is this a good enough reason to not reply?? I'm actually scared out of my mind that this could be another ending, meaning I'm alone...again. is it too much to ask to be told you're loved after a 6 year relationship? Are 50+ divorced blokes incapable of showing affection?

A very brief response. If you have been together (although living separately) for six years and he has never said I Love you once in those 6 years. In my opinion he is using you and will never say those 3 special words.

You are far better off on your own and you need to end the so called relationship.

You need to sit him down and have an honest conversation about how you feel, and ask him directly. If you don't get the answer you want, you will at least know where you stand.

I think the fact that you need to post your question here, where nobody knows you or your partner is very telling. You have already said that neither living together nor marriage is on the cards. So I wonder why neither of you want to make a commitment.
If after all this time you’re still not sure of his feelings for you, then I don’t think you ever will be. I’m sorry but I don’t think he’s right for you. And don’t be scared about the future, you’re more than likely to find someone who is more demonstrative. Certainly this relationship is not making you happy!

6 years
having read your post I don’t think this is going anywhere
it reads like you just meet up when you’re both free - nothing more serious really so I’m not surprised

This is just weird!

Behaviour is a language and the fact he doesn’t want to say it is telling you something. This relationship is not giving you what you want, bite the bullet and move on.

Although, I don’t say it to my DP because I don’t love him

It would give me the fucking ick, if someone had saved and sent me messages id sent them from 6 years back.
My ex wanted me to tell him i love you every day if i didnt he would get moody about it, he bacame very clingy.

Side rant i will never understand anyone who keeps messages for years.
Unless they are from a dead love one.
I read repy delet or am i the odd one.

Do you think he does love you? If not just dump him. It’s fine

Oh hell no

I mean for me personally, I tell my partner I love the quite frequently (and gladly it's reciprocated!). I can't imagine having been with him 6 years and him never having said it 😱

That said... relationships are different, people do things differently and maybe for him it's not a case of saying it but perhaps he insisted prefers to show/demonstrate it in more physical forms?

But yeah being honest I would struggle with that

Why are you sending him text messages fron 6 years ago when he was out with friends? And expecting a response as well? It's either extreme neediness or controlling on your part.

DH has kept an email account because it has our first messages on. I no longer have access to those messages as mine was black listed. I didn’t ask him to.

Usually, men don't say it if they don't feel it. Stop saying it to him. Find other phrases. So Ggood to talk to you tonight. Great catch-up. Very interesting conversation. See if he even notices or modifies his speech.

My late OH really struggled with saying it, over the 15 years we were together he said it maybe 10 times total. The first one was nearly 3 years in.

I felt his love every day though, in his words and actions. In how he'd drop everything and rush to help me if I needed it. In how he comforted me when I had bad news. In how he'd come home from every shopping trip with some little treat and a big grin saying "suprise". In the way we couldn't pass each other without stopping to touch for a moment. I didn't need him to say it as I never doubted it, I only had to look at him to feel it radiating off him.

Can you say the same about your partner? If no, then it might be time to end things.

If yes, it might be time to give up on words and learn to embrace his way of showing his love.

Most people have lots of old messages yes. It's quite odd to reply then delete tbh.
And how are you keeping messages from a dead loved one but noone else, you're not going to know they're dead until it's too late to stop immediately deleting their messages!

But agree with PPs, weird to send him that when he's out.

OP you said he "will not" say he loves you, but you also complain you have to say it "first", so presumably he does actually say it?

They are just words. You can feel loved without them. Some men are not very good with expressing their feelings. Sending him a screenshot when hes out with mates comes across as very needy and possessive and that will be your downfall if you're not careful. Good luck

I agree. Men show it in their actions not their words necessarily.

Does your partner demonstrate his love in other ways op?

Also, timing! Don’t send texts like this when your other half is out with his friends. Choose your moment!

After six years, they're not just words they are a level of commitment

We've been married 30 years and have never said "I love you" to each other. The way he treats me shows that he loves me. We will soon be travelling to the airport and he has made me breakfast and a coffee. Actions speak louder than words!

Been happily married nearly 20 years and hardly ever say it. Never have. DH says it all the time. Don’t remember the last time I said it. It’s just not who I am. Maybe he is the same