Disclaimer: I posted this on Reddit but just got a lot of criticism and condescension and pretty much just called stupid.
I was abroad for a week in my (31F) bf’s (32M) home city for our 1 year anniversary. I met his family and some close friends for the first time while there.
Background: shortly after we got together, he told me about a woman (F early 30s) he used to work with who he was in love with, but it was unrequited (supposedly). But they stayed friends. She was supposed to come visit him that summer but changed her mind after he told her about me, and he said he felt “played” by this, like she was keeping him as a backup. And when I asked then if he was still in love with her, he didn’t say no. They apparently last spoke over text in October.
Now . She saw me and him together in a social media post his friend, who we saw while abroad, posted. She messaged him on Saturday and he said replying to her wasn’t a priority but then replied minutes later anyway. And apparently they were still messaging on Sunday — our 1 year anniversary — because he was showing me a different message and I saw their message thread. The last from him was “thank you” and a kiss emoji. He says it was in response to her saying she is happy for him that he’s with me.
I don’t know what to think about it. Am I being unreasonable for being upset that it happened at all, but on our anniversary of all days? And for still being upset now? I didn’t want to ruin the holiday but we’re heading back today and I can’t stop thinking about him and her.