Do you think this man only wanted sex?

[gloriousday34]

Do I forget this one and move on?

So. Long story short guy at thr gym was looking at me intensely for a good week. We exchanged lots of glances. Finally on Friday he speaks to me. We were parked next to each other. We got talking about work and what we do. He said look I think you’re attractive and I’d like your number if we can do something on Sunday let’s grab a coffee. We talked about various things like weekend plans and he also said im a liscenced massage therapist too. So I said oh god dont be one of those guys. Intimacy is accessible anywhere now days you need to have a connection with women. Be then said yeah yeah I know what you mean. We then talked about coffee again and he said listen I’ll let you know if anything changes and . I said yes perfect (at this point I had a weird feeling he’d flake) . I would love that. Swapped numbers. He texted me as soon as he got in thr car to leave with his name and a “x” Liked all my instagram stories of me and my outfits etc. we texted a bit but nothing too deep over Friday and Saturday. Anyway. This morning I got “hey im not gonna be able to do today ive just got some bits and bobs to do” so I just said “that’s alright. No worries x” because I’m not going to beg for this.

I just feel a bit confused. What did I do wrong?? What did I say or do. I nearly said when are you next free but then thought no actually he should be the one saying that to me!!

my question is, shall I let him go and forget about it because clearly he’s not putting any ounce of effort in here.or do I offer him thr benefit of my doubts

Other random parts of convo: he shook my hand and I jokingly said, shake my hand firmly, he asked what I do at weekends usually I just said I’d go out with mates but most are starting to settle and marry now so I don’t see them as much, I said look ive been single 4 years now and sex is accessible anywhere he then said yeah but when 2 people are dating and attracted sex is natural and I said yeah of course that’s a given. He shook my hand and side hugged me after and we left. He liked all my instagram posts and we messaged very pointlessly over 2 days then he pulls out randomly. Idk I just felt a little let down i dont get what I said or did?

Tldr; was kinda looking forward to a date. He backs out because he has "bits and bobs" to do which quite honestly ive never heard anyone use that one. Was he just after sex or? I say this because I reckon if it was important he’d come back with another day

Did you post this earlier, Op?

He told you about his job as a massage therapist and you immediately told him not to be “one of those guys” who are always after sex is probably what did it.

I mean I’m not saying you’re wrong to be wary, but if you liked him I’d have given him a chance rather than making such a big assumption.

Okay so if that was what “did it” then im not sure why he’d: give me a hug before saying bye, text me straight after, like all my insta posts.

if he was really really that put off. He’d prob think nah sod it. No point texting her and no point liking her insta posts

You’re reading far too much into everything. No one cancels a date they really want to go on because they have ‘bits and bobs’ to do.
Sorry, but he’s not that bothered about you.

But he did all of that and still cancelled the date didn’t he?

If you think it was because of something you did, that’s the only thing that jumps out of your post.

It’s likely nothing you did, he could have gone on another date, he could just have changed his mind.

Best to stop analysing it and move on. Why would you want to be with a man that can’t be arsed to make an effort and cancels plans anyway?

You know at one point I’d probably have got upset about that. But tbh, reality is, that’s true or his wife or other significant person popped up and he chose them. Or just realised im not dropping my knickers after a coffee and a walk in the park

Eh? You’ve already posted this today?!? Were you just pretending that you’ve forgotten about him?

Do you think he’s putting this much effort in to analysing ad infinitum everything you said op? Cos I can tell you. He’s not.

nah he’s moved onto thr next one hahah

OP, this was a random you’d been exchanging glances with in the gym. You had one brief conversation and exchanged numbers. He cancelled a tentative planned coffee. It’s not worth a second thought! For less two Mn threads and all this ruminating!

Why have you posted again? He's not interested, you know this yet you've posted again?

I read your first message, aloof was my advice.
now my advice is you’re spending time in a man who is a waste of your time ,.. move on he’s a player and will only use you if you let him

I’m not sure he even wanted sex op. He wanted to play ‘eyes’ cos it’s fun. He’s probably playing eyes with loads of women. If he wanted sex, he would have gone on the date.

I think he liked the look of you in the gym
but he wasn’t into your style of interaction -
time to move on !

Yeah I agree that’s not what’s did it or he didn’t need to drag things out.

Honestly it could be a number of things. For instance he could be getting to know a few women and he has one he’s more involved with at the moment he’s prioritised. So basically a “better offer” came up.

He might be the kind of man who susses out whether a woman will fall for him easily and if he figures you won’t he withdraws. Or he could be from the “treat em mean” school of dating and is playing games to try and get you hooked.

Or perhaps he likes to flirt out of boredom and for his ego but loses interest quickly.

Either way you did the right thing by not chasing him when he cancelled. If he does reappear and try to ask you out again I’d advise you to decline.

If he thinks he can be so careless at the start with how he treats you it will only get worse.

I'd put money on it being this. Your very intense OP

I would expect that he's playing a numbers game- hitting on lots of women and getting them to agree to coffee, then following through with the woman he most wants to fuck/he is most confident will fuck him.

OP, don't give your number to randoms in the gym.

Which makes it even weirder that he scoped her out for a week then chatted her up and then asked her out and hugged her and liked all her posts. 🫤

Who cares? Men who cancel the first date with no good reason and no instant rearrange are an immediate next. Don’t engage further.

Yeah and don’t give your social media to them either. I told men when I was dating that social media is for my good friends and family. Not for men I barely know to ogle my photos.

I hear so many cases of men just watching women’s stories instead of actually dating them.

This is ^ what I did when I was dating. Don’t give men lots of ways to interact with you. It confuses things. Men who want to date you, ring you or ask you out straight away by text, they don’t piss about liking and viewing posts and stories.

Yeah I was talking to a guy online for a few weeks once, hadn’t met before due to me travelling for work. When I was finally in his city again we had arranged a date to meet .

He texted around lunchtime to say let’s meet at 8pm. then he texted again about 4pm to say he had a long day at work (an office job btw!) so wanted to cancel. I was back in his city again a few weeks later and he texted me asking where I was, I just ignored him.

How tired could he have been that first time when he cancelled?

Men know who they want to put effort and intention into from the start and whether they do or don’t they know what they’re doing.

Men who want to date you, ring you or ask you out straight away by text, they don’t piss about liking and viewing posts and stories

Yes I agree with this too!

Totally .

I don’t think it was ever any intention other than a thrill to chat you up and get your number, offered you a really boring date of coffee on a Sunday and later fobbed you off any guy that wants to impress you would try harder, maybe he is in a relationship already and panicked that you actually did want to meet him.

Why are you posting AGAIN. He obviously isn't that into you op. Move on.