Utterly mortified. Bit of background… been divorced for nearly two years after a horrendous marriage. Thanks to good friends helping me with an exit plan, I managed to get out and am now in my own lovely little home. Two DS, 11 and 14 who I share custody with my ex 50/50. Eldest son doesn’t always see eye to eye with his dad who lives about 20 mins walk away.
So yesterday was changeover day and as kids are on half term, they went back to their dad’s at lunchtime and I’m not due to get them back now until Weds (we use a 5 5 2 2 schedule). I was working Fri afternoon and suddenly my eldest appears in my house (he has a key) as he’d had a row with his dad and didn’t want to go back. DS and Ex have a decent relationship but they clash quite a bit and I’m very close to my son. I had a good talk with him and when my ex arrived to come get him, had a talk with him too, calmed the situation and they went back to my ex’s house.
Later that evening my boyfriend of one year came over for some food and a film. It’s worth mentioning here that my kids haven’t met him yet. They’ve bumped into him once, and I talk about him, but more as a close friend I guess. The reason for that is I’m not about to introduce them to someone unless I know they’re going to be sticking around. Ex got a new girlfriend straight after the split and has been with her for 22 months now. At the beginning the kids struggled a little with this, it was quite soon after the split; my ex did the same thing and didn’t introduce her to them straight away incase it didn’t work out. The kids were recently introduced to her properly, and seem ok with it, although it’s a little awkward for them as she’s a teacher at their school. Anyway.. I certainly wasn’t going to introduce my boyfriend to them when they were in the throes of adjusting to dad’s new girlfriend and going on holiday with her and her kids etc.. it’s a lot for them to take in still. So I’ve kept it as mentioning my boyfriends name quite a bit as a friend and then when im sure the relationship has a solid future, i figured this would make it easier to introduce him to the kids.
Back to last night.. boyfriend was round watching a movie, and at about 9pm we got frisky in my living room and then again in the bedroom and then made some food. My phone was in a different room charging. When I went to get it around 11:15pm , I saw a text from the ex at 11pm saying that (unknown to me), my eldest had had a row with him and had run to mine around 9pm, let himself in and saw me having sex 😣 and had got such a shock he ran back to his dads in his socks(!) and now isn’t wanting to speak to me because he feels lied to. I had NO idea he was even in the house and only found out when I went to get my phone from the other room at 11pm. Ex had also texted at 9pm to say DS had rowed with him and was running to mine but I hadn’t seen this. Ex didn’t appear to have tried to stop DS running to mine.
i immediately tried to get in touch with DS as I could see he was still online, but he said he didn’t want to talk and turned his phone off. He’s really upset. I think the “feeling lied to” is probably because I haven’t introduced my boyfriend to him yet and he feels kept in the dark (which he hated when it happened with my ex’s girlfriend at the beginning of their relationship).
Utterly mortified and need advice how to handle this. I’m so close to DS, and he’s never not wanted to talk before and is obviously very shocked and embarrassed and upset. Help!