Do women really rule out average height men, or is it online talk?

[Uravinalaugh]

My younger step brother who is 19 [I am male btw], told me that women only want to date much taller men, he's roughly the same height as me, 5'7 [5'9 in thicker soled trainers lol], and is very introvert and hasn't had any dating experience, he has a few friends and I have noticed girls in the past being nice to him/liking him when I have seen him socializing. I was aware of this height bias which shows up quite a lot online and on social media, even here on mumsnet I have seen dating related threads where many women appear to be very dismissive of dating shorter men [used to nose sometimes using my OHs old account ,she didn't mind ahaha]

Because of this, I have been noticing often when I am out in public the heights of men to see if this is true, and it very clearly isn't. Last weekend I went to a well known seaside town for the day, due to the weather it was packed so millions of people and I would say literally the amount of couples of all ages where the man was average/slightly shorter than average height was the majority, it very clearly isn't the case that most women are not attracted to men below 6ft, 5ft10 or whatever. I myself have also never had a huge issue dating in the past, I never even knew I was particularly short until seeing this height related stuff online, and where women are concerned my height has never been mentioned

Was curious if this is only me that's noticed this, I think it could be more of a gen z thing than millenial and above? I'm not sure, but it definitely doesn't seem to match up with what I have seen with my own eyes in real life, have tried to reassure step bro that his height is fine, I think his parents have too, but don't seem to be able to convince him

@DrRylandGrace It is really interesting my eldest is 15 and is about 6ft and he says that his school is like land of the giants. I went to an award thing recently and so many tall teens! There were quite a lot of short teens too but it seems like they were missing the 5-6” - 5 10” crowd and everyone was tall or short.

It reminded me of going to uni in the Netherlands where my 5 11” self became perfectly normal for a woman and all the boys were 6 ft plus and all the short folk were my fellow brits.

I’m 5’6 and rarely meet men my age (mid 40s) shorter than 5’10.

5’7 would be noticeably short for me.

Averages include previous generations who are a lot shorter. 5’7 is pretty short for a middle aged and under man. It’s just factual!

I'm 5ft6, partner is 6ft & I like that. I would be happy with taller. My sister is 5ft8 and her ex husband is 5ft10.

Partner's brother is 5ft9 & his wife is 5ft7. His other brother is 6ft2 & all of his partners & wife have been shorter than him.

I have a friend who is 5ft9 & her husband is 5ft7.

You see lots of average height men with partners, obviously. I've never thought it was an issue.

Yes! The Netherlands has one of the tallest populations on Earth if not the very tallest on average, partly because of genetics and partly because of diet, so a woman of 6’ or more is very normal there.

And conversely most people of UK heritage would feel like a giant if they were to move to Bangladesh.

And in all countries where living standards have risen (and therefore nutrition improved) height has been rising rapidly over the last few decades, because of this 2” that is added by that.

Very interesting that you noticed the concentrating effect from genetics/ mate selection as well, where the bell curve is being flattened out or even reversed when you look at the average and strip out confounding factors like genetics/ poverty, with people either being much taller than previous averages because they have two tall parents, or people being much shorter than previous averages because they have two short parents. On average, the “middle height” children will result from one small and one tall parent, so the observation that there are relatively few now in this category matches exactly to the conclusions of the sociological and genetic research.

This should mean smaller men should take comfort because there will be plenty of small women, the vast majority of whom won’t be bothered by them being small when they meet them in reality (although online dating may not be their best method to meet people). And there should also be plenty of tall men around for the majority of taller women who wouldn’t find a man significantly shorter than them attractive (and the few short women who just happen to prefer very tall men and happen to find a man who is also unusual and prefer a woman significantly smaller than him).

Perhaps we will have the few “middle height” people now being produced making posts in 20 years stating how small their dating pool is! Who knows.

I remember when Netherlands team played in our city and the centre looked like invasion of giants. 😂 It was such a considerable difference. It took me a bit to realise what was actually different.

5'7 - 5'9 is the optimal height for me (not that I'm looking for anyone!). I like a man who's taller than me but any taller than that and we couldn't walk along and have an easy conversation because he'd be too far away. It kind of removes the intimacy iyswim. I'm only 5'1 (5'4 in heels which I always wear) though.

Definitely not.

My attraction to tall men is far from shallow I can tell you , it's very deep😂 I am only attracted to tall men, however I would still have to like the man as a person.
I would have no interest in a man I'm not attracted to regardless of what he earns.

Well for some like myself we're only sexually attracted to tall men, a lot of the time without that sexual attraction a couple might make it work for a while but then the relationship will fail, and then the woman gets slated for wasting his time and being a user and is told to 'set him free' so he can find someone who is attracted to him.

Isn’t it far more shallow to date someone because of their income than it would be to select based on physical characteristics, which are at least an innate part of the person? Obviously for most people the most important things are chemistry, intelligence, personality, values and ethics, life plan, sense of humour, but physical attraction quite clearly has to be present as well for the vast majority of people.

It is far more unusual for someone to be selecting income as a key criteria and arguably a far more shallow thing to do, and lazy… If someone prioritises this as a life goal surely they should have the self-respect to earn the money themself rather than use a partner to try to obtain that!! I can’t understand how you think this would be less shallow than wanting your partner to be physically attractive to you, which is kind of essential for a relationship to be functional?

I don't think I've ever been pursued in real life by a man shorter than me. They probably get a better view of my double chin - like when you accidentally open the front camera when taking a picture with your phone

Yep me too. I used to have a strict over 6’ rule but honestly I then sort of realised they were quite dull. I think they assumed being tall was enough? I then dated a couple of men who broke this rule but were amazing fun and very charismatic.

Having a preference doesn’t make you shallow but most men prefer slim women and half of women are overweight, so many men aren’t with their first choice either!

That’s interesting my ex was 6’5 and yes it removed some of the intimacy somehow. We never locked together properly, it all felt a bit awkward.

Tbf, financial compatibility is absolutely important, and is too often overlooked. I know I wanted someone on an equal footing to me, not someone I would have to subsidize in order to live as I wanted to.

Yes, but that’s kind of covered by background, intellect, education level, personality, values etc… if these match then it’s likely income/ prospects would also be similar. The number of women I know who have ended up carrying a 100kg lump through a large part of adult life who has basically expected their wife to provide for them financially, solve all of their problems for them like a child and take all of the burden of adult responsibility is quite shocking, and very few would want to do that and find that kind of relationship fulfilling - effectively having an adult dependent against your will! - and I’m sure there are also many men who also discover too late that their partner wants to use them as a cash cow and expects them to act more like a parent. I suppose this is why people who are generally similar are the most attracted to each other and tend to have more successful relationships because they are more likely to be equal partners (it’s well-documented how resentment from the burdens of adult life not being equally shared leads to contempt and that’s a relationship killer) and are pulling in the same direction in terms of their priorities in life and outlook etc.

It’s complicated because there are all of these competing factors, many of which will impact attraction subconsciously, and by the fact that specific people will have stronger personal preferences for certain characteristics but overall there is an innate pattern that people are generally attracted to people who are similar to them, and that these are the attractions where that is the case are more likely to develop into longer/ successful relationships.

My point to the PP was rather that selecting a partner based deliberately primarily on income for its own sake rather than as a by-product of other shared characteristics is surely far more shallow than a person who has specific physical characteristics they’re attracted to? It’s not a part of the person, although obviously depending on age it may tell you other things about them and the choices they make, their priorities, etc. But I would think stipulating that “I only want to date people who are wealthy” would tell any prospective partner that you were just looking to use them, rather than being interested in them as a person, and that anybody doing this is most likely someone who has serious flaws which make them incapable of providing for themselves so is not stipulating that because they want the person to be their equal as most people generally gravitate towards those similar to them in terms of commitment to work/ career, financial responsibility, effort put into education, etc anyway? Rather, if someone was specifically looking at income as their priority criteria it would seem to indicate they are trying to use a relationship to increase their circumstances rather than work for it themselves? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mmm I love yummy tall slim men 😋

Same height as me or taller but I’m 5ft 10

@kkloo Fair enough, I completely agree that if you're not sexually attracted to someone, it's not going to work, you definitely need that chemistry. Height might not be a deciding factor for everyone though - personally, I need a beefy bloke, skinny has never worked for me, I've ended relationships 'cos he was too skinny. We're all different!😆

I’m 5’9 and no I wouldn’t have dated anyone less than maybe 6’1. Dh happens to be 6’5. I didn’t marry him for his height, but it certainly helped.

Not true...many shorter men have great salaries and women quickly move when learn about it...especially in older couples you see many short men with women of all heights

Ewwww no. I couldn’t go for a delicate spindly man with skinnier arms/legs than me.

I don't know about inches...let's say a man tall from 1.75 m to 1.77 is a very very commonly spread man....the 180 height are more rare and not all 1.80 and above have nice broad shoulders....so someone shorter but with nice muscle and sexy modelled face will be a winner for me, though my one is really a model looking

lol, I worked with few like these....very nice characters but cannot see the appeal

Nor me, would much rather a 5ft9/10 with good arms and strength

Taller men tend to be skinnier and that’s a no from me. I like good arms/chest in a tight t shirt.

It’s quite a rural high school, lots of farmers kids, so there’s perhaps a shallower gene pool than urban areas where there is more diversity.