In my 50s - friend group?

[DoesThisMeanIAmOld]

As the title says I am in my early 50s, our DCs are grown and gone.
My colleagues are colleagues, an alarming number of my school friends have died.

For the past 3 decades I have been raising DCs, building a career, having a busy life.
Suddenly I look around, it is just my husband and I.
DH does not need anyone else, whereas I would really like some friends.
DH is intelligent, but he has no interest in having a good gab about Katie Price and Lee Andrew’s, or what everyone is wearing in Cannes.

We live in the middle of nowhere.
I would love to find a group of women of a similar age to me, to have a laugh, chat about books, telly, films and complain about hormones, life etc.
An online group would be great.

This all reads as very narcissistic, I would like to be a friend, I miss that too.
If I feel this way there must be other women experiencing similar.

I’ve NC as I feel like a right saddo, a literal billy no mates.

Does anyone know where I could find something like this?

Have you tried Meet Up? It’s a way to connect with people as friends on your local area. There might be online groups too.

I moved to a new area where I had no friends or family. My kids were in secondary school so there was not much chance of meeting anyone from school. So I joined a pottery club. I have been going for a few years now. My pots are still awful but I have made some really good friends. I think, if you can find a hobby or something you enjoy doing you might meet like minded folks.

I'm in a very similar position. I wouldn't mind a new friend but am also very content with my own company. It's not easy to meet new people but groups like book clubs or, as someone else mentioned, crafts, can be good places to start.

I’ve tried MeetUp, there is nothing within a 20 miles radius and I cannot drive because I have epilepsy @CaptainBeefheartspal in normal circumstances it would be exactly the thing to do. It is a good suggestion.

Im sure your pots are excellent @HopefulYankee that though is exactly the kind of thing I would like to talk about “look at my crap pottery” sort of thing.

Yes I am content with my own company too @ThisKeenPinkSnail though I do have my limits!
What with one thing and another it is as though lockdown didn’t end for us.

I'm in my 40s and have no interest in katie price but I do like films and tv and books and looking at crap pottery and have lots of peri hormones to complain about. My kids have grown up and left home too and I don't have a husband so my empty nest is very quiet.

Anyone is welcome to message me.

You might be me. I made things far worse for myself by moving across the country 2 years ago and starting over. A great professional and family opportunity but social suicide.

Literally, if I carked it today there would be 5 people at mt funeral (one of them being me).

I will be watching this thread for any advice on how to start over in our 50s.

Ps - you are not a saddo. Just quite normal.

I found moving was also social suicide for me. I do have one good friend, one less close friend locally. I know plenty of other people. I have met people through groups but they are more friendly acquaintances. Some of my friends I left behind have died and I'm only early 50s. In some ways I'd like to make friends. On the other, I don't necessarily have the energy for it. I'm off to a hobby group tomorrow for an hour or two, but not with anyone I know well enough to invite for coffee.

Yes this resonates. I moved back up North after 20 years in London. I do miss all the different opportunities to meet people and have found that people tend to stick to their established friends groups more so than in London. Luckily I’m quite introverted.

Is there a local pub where you are or are you literally in the middle of nowhere? X

I am in my early 50s and feel the same. I have a small group of good friends from university, who are scattered around the country, and we message regularly and meet up a few times a year, but other than that nothing, other than DH. After a hectic social life in my 20s/early 30s, we moved away to a rural area just before having children, where I made friends at work and via children but I drifted from them during Covid and now work from home. I drive but everything going on locally seems to be during working hours - there are lots of pensioners here - and Meet Up events are all at least 15-20 miles away.

Not much help to you OP, sorry!

You can use dating apps in this way - i think Bumble Friends? My daughter met people this way. Or book groups or WI! Or meet up is good too

Have you tried Pilates classes, walking or reading groups?

Have you thought about reconnecting with friends from childhood/teenhood/university? I recently contacted a friend I knew from Guides! We were at different schools so didn't really see each other beyond the age of 14, but I really enjoyed her company when younger, so I found her on Facebook and reconnected as she only lives about an hour away. It's been really good getting to know her again, and I think a good friendship will develop. I plan to do the same with a couple of school/uni friends. It's very easy to find people these days via LinkedIn and Facebook.

As you get older we wouldn't it be better to move sometwhere where things are in walking distance. Your DH might not be around forever and you could get isolated if you can't drive

I started my own book club to try keep a social network we all meet once a month and I'm hoping it goes further in future

Same age as you, same issue zero friends. My one best friend since school no longer is interested in being in contact.

I have my hobbies and pets so I am lucky.

Try the WI, if you live a long way from one and cannot drive they have virtual ones as well.

Book club? Pub quiz? Get a dog? Join a gym? I know you don't drive, but can you physically get out regularly? If not, maybe try Facebook groups.

Online book group?

WI
Townswomen's Guild
Start a book group
Join the local committee - be that Parish Council, or Committee that organises the local Summer Fete
Go to Church
Join a choir
Start a 'Knit and Natter' Group
Volunteer with something that happens in the area - from Youth Groups to Gardening to Meals on Wheels type initiatives, or when the Community all volunteer in the shop / pub / library to stop it closing
Get in touch with AGE UK or MHA and ask how you can become a phone volunteer, to call someone each week who would otherwise go for weeks without speaking to anyone else.

Move?

Why on earth do you live in the middle of nowhere?! That’s your problem. Moved at 33 with baby and pregnant now same age as you have lots of local friends because there are lots of people to be friends with. There are also groups to join if you do want a ready made social life. Can’t see how that could happen in a hamlet. .

I also think you probably need to move somewhere less 'remote'.
Particularly as you are not able to drive.

Not just for your social life, but for all the practical day to day living as you and dh begin to age, or (hopefully not for many years - but it is you who has mentioned, sadly that you know quite a few peers who have died too young - potentially once your dh dies or is no longer able to drive).

Birds of a Feather Book Club – Australia's fastest-growing book club for women.

This is Australian but has members in the UK. The group reads 11 books a year and then the organisers interview the authors and release a podcast of that interview. There are also separate meet up groups around Australia. I know there are several members living in the UK. The Facebook group is very active. They also run a penpal programme.

@estrogone even if you were an objectional person which seems very unlikely from your posts there would be plenty of people at your funeral.
People love a funeral.

One of my friends died and people who hated them in life went to the friend’s funeral.

We have moved, that is true. It is a move we had wanted to make for over a decade but the DCs were in school so we waited.
We both love where we live now.
As I wrote in my PP a few of my friends have died within the past decade so I would have been lonely in our previous place.
At least now I am lonely with a nice view.

Has anyone else had a few friends die in their 40s?
Or have my friends been unlucky?

I’m going back to sleep now, thank you for everything you have written everyone, I will answer more posts later.
I do have a cunning plan wrt things any of us might do to help alleviate the loneliness