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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend annoyed after I forgot plans and apologised for cancelling

94 replies

Motylog · 22/05/2026 13:26

I met a woman at a meetup group years ago. Somehow she latched on to me. I would say she is more an acquaintance. I only hear off her when she has a problem.

About 6 weeks ago we arranged to meet up next week. It’s difficult because I am at my partner’s most of the time now which is 40 minutes away. I am always the own travelling in to meet her even when I lived 20 minutes away.

She text earlier saying she is looking forward to meeting next week. I realised I had forgot and was going to a family birthday meal and I apologised. She snapped and she doesn’t like being messed around said she had rearranged things. Then goes she can meet Tuesday.

She shouldn’t be rearranging things just to meet me. I know it’s annoying for her but it is better to find out now than be cancelled on at the last minute.

I haven’t cancelled on her before in 10 years and am really annoyed as I had apologised and she was rude. I got my own health issues, problems at work, my partner has problems and his mother’s 1st anniversary of passing coming up which has affected him. It’s like life revolves all around her.

I said to her again it slipped my mind and not cancelled on purpose.

She has had loads of fall outs with people which some people she has called the police on for harassment because she blocks them without telling them why and they want to know why. A bit harsh.

OP posts:
jamaisjedors · 22/05/2026 13:28

Why is the first paragraph in bold? Is this an AI summary? I've seen this twice today on mn 😏

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 22/05/2026 13:29

Why do you care?? You don't even like her! And why did you keep traveling to meet her if you didn't like her? Seems like there's an easy fix for this...

HyggeTygge · 22/05/2026 13:29

Do you not write things down in a calendar or diary type thing?

I'd be annoyed if a friend hadn't thought it worth making an effort to make a note of, yes.

But I'd also understand that a casual meetup can be bumped for a family birthday, given enough notice.

So if you've rearranged, not much harm done.

rainbowstardrops · 22/05/2026 13:30

You clearly don’t like her that much, so maybe stop arranging meet ups with her if you can’t be bothered to put it in your calendar.
I have a friend who does that sort of thing and it’s bloody annoying.

HyggeTygge · 22/05/2026 13:31

Also don't agree to something then moan it's too far or too inconvenient. If it's too far or inconvenient, don't agree to it.

Annoys me how many people agree to things because they don't want to say no to someone, when secretly they're planning how to get out of it.... just be honest.

Motylog · 22/05/2026 13:31

jamaisjedors · 22/05/2026 13:28

Why is the first paragraph in bold? Is this an AI summary? I've seen this twice today on mn 😏

I haven’t posted before and had a problem with my phone so have removed bold now.

OP posts:
Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 22/05/2026 13:32

So just don’t make plans to meet? If she ‘latched onto’ you and you don’t seem to like her very much, then why are you?

Also, your phone will have a calendar and reminders. Put your plans in it. I don’t understand why anyone doesn’t do this.

Motylog · 22/05/2026 13:32

HyggeTygge · 22/05/2026 13:31

Also don't agree to something then moan it's too far or too inconvenient. If it's too far or inconvenient, don't agree to it.

Annoys me how many people agree to things because they don't want to say no to someone, when secretly they're planning how to get out of it.... just be honest.

I have genuinely made other plans and to cancel a family birthday meal is not acceptable.

OP posts:
bigsoftcocks · 22/05/2026 13:33

I don’t think AI would use the phrase ‘I only hear off her’ !!

MaryBeardsShoes · 22/05/2026 13:33

Why are you agreeing to meet up at all when you clearly don’t like her?!

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 22/05/2026 13:34

HyggeTygge · 22/05/2026 13:31

Also don't agree to something then moan it's too far or too inconvenient. If it's too far or inconvenient, don't agree to it.

Annoys me how many people agree to things because they don't want to say no to someone, when secretly they're planning how to get out of it.... just be honest.

It’s annoying, isn’t it? ‘It’s so far and I always have to do the travelling’. Well, don’t make the plans then. Just don’t do it!

Wickedlittledancer · 22/05/2026 13:34

This is the second thread I’ve seen in recent mins with the first paragraph bolded, is it an ai thing?

HyggeTygge · 22/05/2026 13:34

Motylog · 22/05/2026 13:32

I have genuinely made other plans and to cancel a family birthday meal is not acceptable.

That's irrelevant to you agreeing to it in the first place with your friend then complaining it's too inconvenient.

TeenLifeMum · 22/05/2026 13:41

You don’t know why the person has latched onto you? I mean, sounds like she’s looking for friendship and has unfortunately seen kindness in you that isn’t actually there.

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 22/05/2026 13:45

I would message her “I agree that it’s unacceptable to forget prior arrangements and it’s indicative of my state of mind at the moment as I have a lot going on. Rather than rearranging, please accept my apologies and let’s reconnect later in the year”.

Motylog · 22/05/2026 13:52

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 22/05/2026 13:45

I would message her “I agree that it’s unacceptable to forget prior arrangements and it’s indicative of my state of mind at the moment as I have a lot going on. Rather than rearranging, please accept my apologies and let’s reconnect later in the year”.

Thank you for your helpful reply I can send. She is always pressuring to meet up when now really isn’t the best time.

OP posts:
Jellox · 22/05/2026 13:52

I’d be pissed off too.

You made the plans 6 weeks ago and left it until the week before to cancel the plans and that was only because she texted you to say she’s looking forward to it.

Surely you knew it was coming up and so I don’t know why you didn’t check the date or put it on your calendar and then texted her first and apologised.

Chances are people had asked her to do things but she had already made plans with you so didn’t agree to them.

You’ve wasted her time which is annoying.
All you can do is apologise again and try and be less selfish in future.

bigboykitty · 22/05/2026 13:57

It sounds like you're ready to let go of this friendship OP. It was bad of you to forget, but she doesn't sound like someone you have any wish to be friends with. Just say I've got too much on to meet. I'll be in touch when it changes. Then don't.

Motylog · 22/05/2026 13:57

Jellox · 22/05/2026 13:52

I’d be pissed off too.

You made the plans 6 weeks ago and left it until the week before to cancel the plans and that was only because she texted you to say she’s looking forward to it.

Surely you knew it was coming up and so I don’t know why you didn’t check the date or put it on your calendar and then texted her first and apologised.

Chances are people had asked her to do things but she had already made plans with you so didn’t agree to them.

You’ve wasted her time which is annoying.
All you can do is apologise again and try and be less selfish in future.

As I said before I have had a lot of problems going on and it slipped my mind and I have not cancelled before in 10 years. I have had health issues, work stress and other issues.

OP posts:
Motylog · 22/05/2026 13:58

bigboykitty · 22/05/2026 13:57

It sounds like you're ready to let go of this friendship OP. It was bad of you to forget, but she doesn't sound like someone you have any wish to be friends with. Just say I've got too much on to meet. I'll be in touch when it changes. Then don't.

Yeah, I know it’s not fair to cancel but I have had genuine problems which have made me ill and she kept pressuring to meet all the time. My other friends know boundaries and I haven’t been well and just say it’s understandable I don’t want to meet.

OP posts:
ohyesido · 22/05/2026 14:05

You don’t like her, so just tell her you don’t want to meet up

bigboykitty · 22/05/2026 14:10

Motylog · 22/05/2026 13:58

Yeah, I know it’s not fair to cancel but I have had genuine problems which have made me ill and she kept pressuring to meet all the time. My other friends know boundaries and I haven’t been well and just say it’s understandable I don’t want to meet.

She's not a friend if she puts you under that kind of pressure when you're struggling. She sounds pushy and needy.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/05/2026 14:21

She sounds hard work, and she has form for cutting people off without them knowing why so I would put money on her being a drama queen.

OK so cancelling is shit but it happens sometimes, no biggie. She is over reacting imo and being very pushy. You say that she never gets in touch unless she has a problem so I wonder what she is after that she is pushing to meet another day instead.

I would just be ignoring her going forward and with a bit of luck you will be the next person she blocks.

Happyjoe · 22/05/2026 14:34

She's not a friend to you and you're a reluctant friend to her. Time to give up?

MissMoneyFairy · 22/05/2026 14:39

Why did you even arrange a meet up in the first place, she is not a friend, you've got nothing good to say about her.

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