Friend annoyed after I forgot plans and apologised for cancelling

[Motylog]

I met a woman at a meetup group years ago. Somehow she latched on to me. I would say she is more an acquaintance. I only hear off her when she has a problem.

About 6 weeks ago we arranged to meet up next week. It’s difficult because I am at my partner’s most of the time now which is 40 minutes away. I am always the own travelling in to meet her even when I lived 20 minutes away.

She text earlier saying she is looking forward to meeting next week. I realised I had forgot and was going to a family birthday meal and I apologised. She snapped and she doesn’t like being messed around said she had rearranged things. Then goes she can meet Tuesday.

She shouldn’t be rearranging things just to meet me. I know it’s annoying for her but it is better to find out now than be cancelled on at the last minute.

I haven’t cancelled on her before in 10 years and am really annoyed as I had apologised and she was rude. I got my own health issues, problems at work, my partner has problems and his mother’s 1st anniversary of passing coming up which has affected him. It’s like life revolves all around her.

I said to her again it slipped my mind and not cancelled on purpose.

She has had loads of fall outs with people which some people she has called the police on for harassment because she blocks them without telling them why and they want to know why. A bit harsh.

So what if I'm a pendant? And in this case my comment was in context to another comment, so perfectly reasonable and valid.

Has the warm day today made everyone grumpy?

I'm off to pedant a bit more ☺️

I agree with PP, cut this loose. You don't like her, she doesn't feel that you meet her needs. I don't see the point of any of this?

Well, you have messed her about so she's entitled to be annoyed but from her behaviour in general, I think your friendship has run its course. I would say something like "I'm really sorry I've messed you about, but as I've explained, I can't meet up with you. I've nothing more to say on this subject so won't be discussing it further."

It doesn't sound to me like your message was very apologetic. What exactly did you say?

What sort of pendant are you? With or without a gem?

A very sparkly, cheap one (that will turn your chest green)

This has totally been blown out of proportions. If you cancelled day before or day off, yes, that would be bad, but week is totally fair. You had arranged to meet and now you cannot. Its is not a big deal at all, and I do not think you have to explain to her why or how this happened.

I honestly never understand why some people feel the need to hijack someone else’s post. If you want to discuss grammar, start your own thread. Some of us speak English as a second language, so our grammar may not be perfect, or we might use AI to help polish our posts. The level of ignorance here can be baffling at times.

Just pissed off with pillocks like you posted about something that has absolutely no relevance to the thread.

I find this quite upsetting. You say you have been meeting her for ten years and still consider her an acquaintance rather than a friend, and that she has ‘latched onto’ you.

There isn’t enough context, but it seems to me she is at best disposable as an ‘acquaintance’ to you. If that’s the case, and there is really nothing you can do about the clash, you could probably not worry about it.

Do you think she has any other friends? No one is obligated to be friends with someone they don’t want to be, but I would be surprised if she didn’t see you as a friend after years of meeting up.

Maybe I’m projecting, but I could see her being someone who just struggles with making friends and knowing what that really means. Thirteen years ago (in the penultimate year of high school) I was accused of latching onto some people I thought were my ‘group’, and it killed me. I literally didn’t speak to anyone in school for the next eighteen months and I’ve kept my distance in lots of social situations since then. I didn’t even try to make friends in university and whilst I have some people I’m close to now, I don’t use the term ‘friend’ because I’m scared that I’ve misunderstood the term again.

Maybe she really is as horrible as you say. But there’s also the possibility that she isn’t.

All I’m saying is I think you should tread sensitively with how you handle this, even if your decision is ultimately to end the acquaintanceship.

You never cancelled before, life happens, she is a nuisance to be making such a fuss. When people have behaved like that with me in the past the friendship was instantly gone. It is a huge ick factor, so possessive and controlling. It didn't work out, so what.

So let's be honest you don't like her but make plans to see her for when you have nothing better planned... Then when something better crops her you drop her like a hot potato.

People like you annoy me. I used to have friends like you but I stopped bothering with them as got sick of feeling like a back up plan.

If you don't like her and she's just an acquaintance don't make formal plans to see her.

I'm not sure why you would travel 40 minutes to meet an acquaintance

Honestly? I think you don’t like this woman, are looking for an excuse to ditch her, and have convinced yourself she’s given you one.

You screwed up by forgetting you were supposed to meet her and making other arrangements. You apologised, so you think “Job done”. Except she didn’t smile and say it was fine, that you’d have to meet up soon… all the usual gumpf. She was annoyed. She had a right to be. And she said so.

So now you’re making it her fault. Because for some people, an apology is supposed to be a magic cure-all. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the first place, as long as you do your duty with the apology. So when she didn’t want to accept it, you made the whole thing her fault. She wasn’t grateful enough for you coming to meet her rather than vice versa (even though you didn’t actually go in the end). She wasn’t gracious enough to accept your apology. She has stood up for herself when other people have upset her, rather than doing what she’s expected to do and shrugging her shoulders and saying it’s all okay. So you’re using all of that to make it her fault.

Now, in your head, you’re the wounded one. She’s being over the top, she’s being unfair, she can’t accept that family comes first, she won’t even listen to your apology… I think you’ve almost forgotten yourself that you were to blame in the first place.

I feel sorry for her because if I had someone in my life that was travelling to meet up with me regularly then I'd consider that a friendship. I don't think that's an unreasonable assumption to make. Is this one of those people pleaser things?

I understand I shouldn’t be friends with this woman as she annoys me. I just don’t get why she thinks it’s acceptable to keep asking to confirm a meeting up date knowing full well I have health issues and waiting for a hospital appointment to come through. I would never pressurise someone to meet who wasn’t well.

Honestly, most people I know have issues of some sort, hospital/marital/work, but would still make plans to meet up. I seriously can’t think of anyone who hasn’t got a fairly serious issue of some type. If your condition is too debilitating to make plans, or to travel to her, don’t make plans/say you can’t travel.

But really, this woman seems like she just wants to see you and I expect she considers you a friend. If that is problematic for you or not what you want, then tell her (nicely). But nothing you have said so far gives me a reason for seeing her actions as being the ‘bad guy’ for trying to make plans with you.

I would be a bit annoyed too to be honest. You don’t have a calendar to write them down? If you don't like her, that’ ok, just distance yourself and that’s it. Don’t try to find excuses with busy life and problems for forgetting. Everyone has problems!

You don’t sound like a particularly nice friend (and now I have read more of your replies you don’t sound like a very empathetic or bright person). She’s continuing to contact you because you are carrying on as if you are a friend.

Do this person a favour and just tell her there is no room in your life for her right now and you don’t want to meet up. Then don’t see her again. Very simple.

But you’ve put yourself in this situation by spending years meeting someone you don’t like and don’t regard as a friend! There is a very easy way to ensure this never happens again.

If it's the first time in 10 years you've cancelled (i.e. not your regular habit, which would be annoying) I think she's being unreasonable. I wouldn't make a big thing of her annoyance though, just do what you need / want to do.
It does sound as though you're not that bothered about her generally, perhaps for good reason - is the friendship still worth the effort?

I recognise this posting style, the OP seems to have a lot of issues with a lot of people in her life… the common denominator being her.

you are in the wrong, and completely lacking in any sort of empathy or self-awareness, as per.

Why is everyone having a go at the op! Guess she knows its rubbish. Shes not a child. Op good heavens 😍 you forgot. We all do it. Someone sent you a nice message to send a few comments above. That was nice.

Because it’s a self-created situation. She doesn’t like this woman, but has spent years meeting her nonetheless. It’s a very easy one to solve.

Because her attitude stinks.